One of the things that is not taught in university or talked about enough in our industry is managing your manager. I am asking this because I was recently asked by my manager not to give talks in really difficult to get in industry events, despite of getting an acceptance. While I like the company I work for, it seems the un-preached way of managing the manager is to have a thick skin. How true is this? I'm also curious to know how you manage your manager?
Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?
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Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?
#2Why were you asked to not give the talks? Context is everything.
Are you asking for the company to pay but the travel/training budget is insufficient? Sell your boss on why this is valuable to the company and why the budget should be expanded or funded some other way.
Does your manager not think you’re good enough to be giving the talk? Your options are probably to prove him/her wrong, get a better manager, or live with a manager who doesn’t trust/respect you.
If your manager is good, talk to him/her about the concerns and go from there. If your manager is not good, figure out a path that gets you a good manager. Staying with a bad manager is pretty much destined to end in a bad situation.
Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?
#3In my experience, if you need to "manage the manager", it's not a good situation, do whatever you need to do for the short term to get through it, but be looking for something better at the same time.
Your manager should be someone that you can learn from, not someone who requires your management.
Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?
#4If you focus on this at the point where you aren't getting what you want its too late. You need to build a relationship of trust before you ask for an exception or special request (in the eye of the manager not you).
Your manager should know the following:
- That if there is a problem you will always come to him/her first not try and work around him
- That he can count on you to do what needs to be done. You will go out of your way for her. If you've ever said "this isn't my job" then you will have only an adversarial relationship.
- That you understand what his/her boss wants, and therefore can exercise good judgement in using whatever leeway you are asking for.
Of all of these, that last point is the most important. You should intimately understand why they consider a conference talk to be something negative. Your manager should know you understand that and can therefore trust you. The fact you don't understand why they are against this conference talk is the root of the failure.
Note that the relationship should be reciprocal. I'm not saying be a slave to your boss, but if you want anything other than the traditional boss/subordinate relationship you need to have trust you have each others backs.
Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?
#5Consulting and project/product management do teach these skills frequently. Additionally, the senior people at your company can probably discuss this at length, especially if they've worked at large companies (look for people 40+ if possible).
There are some general rules about managing your manager. One learn how they like to have information presented to them (Are they big on presentations? Emails? 1:1s?. Hint: it's probably not email). Are there specific things that they look for, ie former Mckinsey consultants tend to pick up small mistakes in presentations, some managers may have a thing about about grammar/spelling mistakes. When your company is hosting happy hours or events, go to them and mingle. NEVER talk badly about your manager. Always remember that your job is to make them look good. For example when you want to give talks at industry events, you need to pitch it as bringing more name recognition to the company and to the department. Benefits could be found in recruiting, easier time raising money, maybe more clients (IT'S FREE MARKETING for the company!)
PS Hopefully, you were smart enough to ask why he didn't want you to give talks at industry events (a potentially valid issue could be that you're distracted from the work you're being paid to do)
Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?
#6If you focus on this at the point where you aren't getting what you want its too late. You need to build a relationship of trust before you ask for an exception or special request (in the eye of the manager not you). Your manager should know the following: - That if there is a problem you will always come to him/her first not try and work around him - That he can count on you to do what needs to be done. You will go…
agree. Especially with #3 "understand what boss wants"
From the way OP phrased the question, it sounded like the OP felt the manager "owed" the OP.
As in, OP feels going to the conference is a must, "a given", a "constitutional right", and that the manager "wronged" him by not letting him go.
It's a very childish way of viewing the world. As in, I deserve to go to Disneyland. My mom won't let me, so I will now get a "thick skin" to "manage her". An adult would be thinking of helping mom pay the bills.
OP focuses on himself, on what he wants. There is no mention in the question of what the manager wants. It screams "me me me"
Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?
#7> I am asking this because I was recently asked by my manager not to give talks in really difficult to get in industry events, despite of getting an acceptance.
Curious, were you told why? Seems really strange.
Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?
#8Will you regret not talking at the events? If so it's your career and something you have to live with, not your manager. You won't always work for that company (or even that manager), but you will always have the talks on your resume.
Unless he's got a really good reason, you haven't said. I would tell him it's your career and not his, but thanks for his advice.
Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?
#9I don't think managing your manager is a healthy way to think of things. You are there to support your company and team, and your manager enables this larger picture and should return support to every employee, including you. I think, as in most things, you need some empathy for his/her position and try to come to a common understanding. Talks are a fantastic way to boost your resume and soft skills, and they help you as an employee better practice talking to your team and enable you to better represent your team's ideas in big meetings with a crowd of stakeholders. Your manager should be sympathetic to this and be happy that you're passionate. On the other hand, when you speak at a conference, you are representing your company. If you say stupid things in your talk, you not only hurt yourself, but your company's reputation. I think the default policy at many big companies is to get explicit permission for each and every public thing you do like this, but usually managers just look the other way because its easier. Its possible your manager just wants to go by the book and not deal with the overhead of company policy, so the answer is no. You may want to discuss specifically why your manager isn't allowing you to present, and politely explain that you think it will level you up as an employee to be an even greater asset. Maybe suggest that you run the talk by them to make them feel better about what your are presenting, and even ask if its OK that you speak to HR or corporate to get the company's ground rules and make the extra time and effort in this regard so your manager doesn't have to.
Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?
#10Dump him.