Often lying or not telling complete truth contextually becomes easier to have more efficient conversations and relationships.
I started with being bad at it in early twenties, but now as I have grown older it's become second nature to quickly cook up a lie to get out of an uncomfortable situation (usually of minor significance most of the times) and to maintain relationships (especially the long distance ones, not necessarily romantic ones).
Once in a while on some days, I get super depressed about having to lie so often though, even though they make life way more efficient and lower maintenance cost. On most days, I just accept it as a way of life to live better in present world...
Was wondering how other people deal with it?
(Asking in this forum, as I feel slightly more technical people will probably prefer to lie to quickly get out of a situation as it's more efficient use of time...)
Ask HN: Everybody lies. How do you deal with it though?
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Re: Ask HN: Everybody lies. How do you deal with it though?
#2Strive to avoid lying by learning to be comfortable with yourself (e.g. just be honest why you don't want to attend something instead of making up excuses) and by getting away from people and situations that you feel push you into telling lies. If you feel forced to lie a lot there's probably changes you can make to your life to help this.
Re: Ask HN: Everybody lies. How do you deal with it though?
#3Your question starts with a false premise "Everybody lies". You lie, and justify the lying by projecting it on to everybody else. The answer is very simple, stop lying. You'll find everything beneath you fall away. Your relationships will all be adjusted to accomodate your truthfulness. Your life would be unrecognisable months from now. And you will no longer be super depressed about having to lie.
Personally I don't think a "more efficient use of time" is more important to me than how I feel in my day to day life. It's better to be late to work than to miss a once in a life time conversation with a stranger as I pass an interesting scene on the way to work.
Re: Ask HN: Everybody lies. How do you deal with it though?
#4Your question starts with a false premise "Everybody lies". You lie, and justify the lying by projecting it on to everybody else. The answer is very simple, stop lying. You'll find everything beneath you fall away. Your relationships will all be adjusted to accomodate your truthfulness. Your life would be unrecognisable months from now. And you will no longer be super depressed about having to lie. Personally I don't…
While I was on the same page when I was fresh out of college and actually did believe this... I am sorry but I have learned otherwise only after stumbling through all the really uncomfortable life experiences from working in a large "regulated" bank, to working in a funky tech startup with "great" founders, to starting my own company and pitching to "great" investors, to even the personal relationships and even the other seemingly "ideal" relationships.
Being too truthful only leaves you feeling more lonely. Almost all the hustles are based on lies anyways...
I do personally believe that if one has had to struggle enough in life and wasn't blessed with enough privilege/guidance/network, moving forward in life without some lies is almost an impossibility. (Basing this on candid conversations with some of the "successful" people I have had the chance to interact with at times...)
So I am pretty sure, there enough people here who lie often, but aren't comfortable admitting it yet. I just try not to lie to myself at least, hence was looking for opinions if someone did feel the same and how they dealt with it.
Re: Ask HN: Everybody lies. How do you deal with it though?
#5Your question starts with a false premise "Everybody lies". You lie, and justify the lying by projecting it on to everybody else. The answer is very simple, stop lying. You'll find everything beneath you fall away. Your relationships will all be adjusted to accomodate your truthfulness. Your life would be unrecognisable months from now. And you will no longer be super depressed about having to lie. Personally I don't…
While I was on the same page when I was fresh out of college and actually did believe this... I am sorry but I have learned otherwise only after stumbling through all the really uncomfortable life experiences from working in a large "regulated" bank, to working in a funky tech startup with "great" founders, to starting my own company and pitching to "great" investors, to even the personal relationships and even the o…
If it helps, I spoke from my own experience. I had completely opposite experience as you - it's only after stumbling through various life experiences I decided to tell the truth as much as possible. The more I told, the more life became livelier.
Re: Ask HN: Everybody lies. How do you deal with it though?
#6Interesting question. I don't completely agree. I've learnt that lying is a statement based on the assumption of absolutes, meaning that you are certain of one outcome but are presenting another. This might be presumptuous as a start.
To be fully truthful, I've found it helpful to consider myself capable of fault and not fully informed to make absolute assertions, but rather I opt for statements of confidence with narrowed scope. Therefore, there is no truth or lie but only your perception, which is limited. (flashback to Stats 101, confidence intervals)
It also depends on the kind of person you are. I think the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the less likely you are to be affected by the judgements of others. If I ask a good friend something, I don't want them to lie, even if I don't like the answer. Extending this, I will do for them what I expect in return.
I know this all sounds very vague and kind of like baloney, but I've met a person who has always been a straight shooter with me, and I've since tried to emulate it. The above is what I've learnt from him.
Re: Ask HN: Everybody lies. How do you deal with it though?
#7Strive to avoid lying by learning to be comfortable with yourself (e.g. just be honest why you don't want to attend something instead of making up excuses) and by getting away from people and situations that you feel push you into telling lies. If you feel forced to lie a lot there's probably changes you can make to your life to help this.
Well, I think it's easier to be honest when you are in a position of power (economically or socially) as you can probably absorb the repercussions without too much of a harm
Re: Ask HN: Everybody lies. How do you deal with it though?
#8Interesting question. I don't completely agree. I've learnt that lying is a statement based on the assumption of absolutes, meaning that you are certain of one outcome but are presenting another. This might be presumptuous as a start. To be fully truthful, I've found it helpful to consider myself capable of fault and not fully informed to make absolute assertions, but rather I opt for statements of confidence with na…
As I mentioned in the other comment I think it's easier to be honest when you are in a position of power (economically or socially) as you can probably absorb the repercussions without too much of a harm.
Like probably only telling the positive stats when raising money is much more beneficially.
It's always great to have some friend to ground you back again in truth, but it's very rare to find such folks. Most people are way more comfortable in ignorance rather than hearing/telling the real truth... so just to even have amicable relationships with most people you have gotta lie ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Re: Ask HN: Everybody lies. How do you deal with it though?
#9Strive to avoid lying by learning to be comfortable with yourself (e.g. just be honest why you don't want to attend something instead of making up excuses) and by getting away from people and situations that you feel push you into telling lies. If you feel forced to lie a lot there's probably changes you can make to your life to help this.
Well, I think it's easier to be honest when you are in a position of power (economically or socially) as you can probably absorb the repercussions without too much of a harm
I think for those people it's harder to be truthful - there is more to lose, especially if they've always lied for the purpose of accumulating power economically or socially - the more lies there are the more lies there have to be.
It's much easier for people with nothing to lose to tell the truth. IMO telling the truth is not an ability you can gain by accumulating power or status, but is an ability you sacrifice to attain power or status.
Re: Ask HN: Everybody lies. How do you deal with it though?
#10This question just came after when I was watching House M.D. episodes :)
Question is right, I did not understand other commenters saying that it started with a false premise. People lie, people cheat, people kill and they corrupt. That is why we have police, that is why we have prisons, etc.
My personal solution is to interact with as less people as I can in my daily life. I have friends which I know and chose to be my friends; other than that, although I know not everyone is a bad person; I choose to interact as minimum as possible.