Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

I wouldn't rule out something medically not quite optimal with your brain and you may want to talk to a professional about some medication to help bring things in to a balance (you didn't mention that you'd done that yet or not).

Medical aspects aside, it sounds like you've not been able to find a niche yet. I'm not trying to trivialize this, but you obviously do have some passion (as others note) but you can't channel it in to something productive for very long. It also sounds like you're trying to do this all on your own.

There are people who remain stuck in one routine for years or decades. You have the ability - probably a compulsion - to get in to new situations routinely. Believe it or not, this would be seen as an asset in many organizations. A 'presales engineer' position (if you're technical) might be a great position to get in to, as you're constantly getting in to new situations and people, most of whom you won't need to deal with a few weeks or months after the sale is made.

Without sounding trite, suicide isn't the answer. You've likely got quite a lot to offer. You're on HN after all ;) I hate to just say 'go get counseling and medication' - I think there's probably other things you can do outside of that, or in addition to that course.

I realize I don't know you much, except for what you've posted here, but I really don't think things are as hopeless for you as they may feel right now. I don't think I've had things as bad as you're describing, but I am known for an extreme inability to focus/concentrate on anything for very long. I don't tout it, but have worked on coping strategies over the years. Eventually I found a book by Barbra Sher (http://www.barbarasher.com) - well, she's got a few. Wishcraft might be a decent one to start with. It's free, and while a bit airy fairy at times, might help you to see things in a different light. I was first turned on to Sher when I was reading up on the problem of TMI (Too Many Interests).

http://knacks.esmartdesign.com/#The_Too_Many_Aptitude_Proble... was the first article I'd found, which seemed to describe me to a T. I've since self-diagnosed myself with that 'condition' and went looking for info which would help me learn more about that. There's no 'magic bullet cure', but that bit of self-knowledge has helped me avoid situations which I knew would make me miserable, and have slowly forged a better, more fulfilling life (though even now, I keep changing my goal posts).

The biggest thing I learned from that little journey is that there's nothing 'wrong' (in an absolute sense) with that condition - it's just different.

If you'd care to discuss any of this further, please ping me at any time at mgkimsal@gmail.com or 919-827-4724.

First, get suicide out of your mind. The very thought is ridiculous. None of this is worth killing yourself over. Second, what expectations are you setting for yourself? If your self-vision is not meeting reality, that's a major cause of disappointment right there. Change your self-vision. Third, who said anything is "wrong" with you? People have different temperaments. Some people bond tightly with others, some do not. As long as you're not harboring sociopathic or homicidal thoughts that prevent you sticking to others, it's not much to worry about. Fourth, in regards to expectations, do you imagine what others might expect from you -- and this is the underlying reason to avoid them? Does having to see other people feel like confronting a school test, with that sinking feeling you're being put on the spot and might fail? Well, that's shyness. Medicine claims to have a pill for that, but I really don't trust mind pills (all pills have revenge effects sooner or later). Lastly, you are young. The opportunities available to you are many -- perhaps too many. Whittle down everything to what you really love and want to do. Once you've got that settled (and this won't happen in just one day, so be patient), once you know your passion, everything else falls into place on its own -- because you will naturally gravitate to people who share that and being around them won't feel like a test. One other thing. You might want to read The Outsiders by Colin Wilson. This will give you some insight into just how different people can be -- but that didn't stop any of the people in that book from gaining prominence. I hope some of this helped.

It is also something that is naturally outgrown, which is why I avoid suggesting pills.

Thanks for the TMA link. Hadn't heard of that trait before in that language.

Have you heard of the Kolbe spectrum/ test?

It helped me evaluate my strengths/weakness a lot. It's unfortunately not free, which I think prevents it from attaining the credibility it deserves.

I really like the way it thinks: http://www.kolbe.com/ (No affiliation.)

It has a TMA-esque category It really helped me self-diagnose... and diagnose others, heh heh.

Basically it got me off of binary skill judgement of both myself and others. (Less "that person is awesome!" or "that person sucks!" and more about how job design is usually the issue, rather than people.)

Had not heard of Kolbe, and yeah, if it's not free, it might not get as wide acclaim. (just noticed it was featured on Oprah - I guess they don't need any more acclaim!). That said, the TMA stuff is not a clinical diagnostic tool, just some guy's writings. That said, they are quite accurate in how they reflect much of my own thinking and mind.

It's taken me a long time to stop being as judgmental about people as I've been in the past, and to start recognizing and appreciating the particular skills and qualities others have. It's not easy to recognize in others when you measure everyone (and yourself) against perfection.

I'm not sure many of the psychological tests out there are free, and likely having one 'officially' administered wouldn't be free anyway. I had my IQ tested as an adult a couple years ago by a friend's wife who needed to run these tests as part of her phd work. Apparently it's quite easy to find kids to test, but few adults were willing to put themselves through it. I hadn't realized the 'instruments' cost so much money, but there's a big industry in psychologically measuring and evaluating people. It shouldn't have been a surprise, but it was.