Ask HN: Do you think career and family is either-or?

#1

Post by evervevdww221 » Sat, Jul 15, 2017, 5:37 PM UTC

do you think career and family is either-or, meaning you have to choose either one and sacrifice the other?

If you have a strong career ambition and have also raised a big family (more than 1 kid, and spouse doesn't work), do you feel that family is a career obstacle or a booster?

In the middle of your life, have you regretted about your choice and wondered what life would be like if you had chosen the other option?

Do you think, as an entrepreneur, a family is a necessary part of your life to hold you together when you fall? and to have a purpose to entrepreneurship in the first place?

I do not have a family yet. But I'm at the right age (if not already late) to form a family and I'm facing life choices.

I have talked with few close friends who are also young parents. Their ambitions seem to be exhausted by their kids and family. As an example, one of my friends told me, the only time he has on his own is after 10pm, as he needs to put his kids into bed first. And often before he has done it, he is too exhausted and fall asleep first.

This is a life I fear a lot. I have a strong ambition to be a good entrepreneur, but my partner would like a big family. Can our goals still meet?

I know many successful entrepreneurs have a harmonic (Zuckerberg, Gates) family too. But those entrepreneurs started early in their life during their 20s. They had accumulated lots of resources before forming a family. With those resources, they have less pressure.

What do you think?

Re: Ask HN: Do you think career and family is either-or?

#2

Post by andymoe » Sat, Jul 15, 2017, 5:59 PM UTC

I think it forces you to use your time effectively. And yeah, I can't stay up every week day during that slot of quiet after ten but that's ok because I use my time better when I do. I personally wish we'd started the family a little sooner because that tough period only lasts a few years. (For context I was 30) I also started a company around the the time our first child was born. It did not work for the usual reasons - not because of the family. Burn rate is higher with the family though.

Re: Ask HN: Do you think career and family is either-or?

#3

Post by codegeek » Sat, Jul 15, 2017, 6:40 PM UTC

"Their ambitions seem to be exhausted by their kids and family"

Don't let this discourage you. Yes, it is a lot harder to do anything with family and specially kids. But can you have a great career with a big family ? Absolutely. It just requires a lot more dedication, hard work and commitment from your end.

So don't ask yourself "Career or family". Ask yourself "Do I have it in me to have a great career along with a great family ? ".

Re: Ask HN: Do you think career and family is either-or?

#4

Post by benjohnson » Sat, Jul 15, 2017, 6:42 PM UTC

Family gave me a great boost

Because I love them, it not only game me a noble reason to be productive, but they also made sure that I did it efficiently so I can spend time with them.

Re: Ask HN: Do you think career and family is either-or?

#5

Post by pavlov » Sat, Jul 15, 2017, 6:42 PM UTC

If you have a strong career ambition and have also raised a big family (more than 1 kid, and spouse doesn't work), do you feel that family is a career obstacle or a booster?

You don't want to hear the experiences of those whose spouse does work?

Re: Ask HN: Do you think career and family is either-or?

#6

Post by jalayir » Sat, Jul 15, 2017, 6:47 PM UTC

I think every story is different, and it all depends on the individual circumstances. I worked for a startup where the founder was a "family man" - with an extensive family, and he was doing great at work afaik. Wasn't sacrificing much on either front. He did have to employ a part-time nanny, to free up time for his wife and himself could both simultaneously have good careers.

Re: Ask HN: Do you think career and family is either-or?

#7

Post by kyriakos » Sat, Jul 15, 2017, 6:48 PM UTC

Family is a big responsibility but also a reason to try harder to be successful. Keep in mind that a day has only 24 hours and eventually its a compromise between your career and family life. If you manage to strike the right balance you'll be happy. If your career fails though don't blame it on your family cause it's as likely that you'd have failed without one.

Re: Ask HN: Do you think career and family is either-or?

#8

Post by jxramos » Sat, Jul 15, 2017, 6:48 PM UTC

Kids are a big opportunity cost diversion. The focus can be in what they take or how generous you wish to be with your time. I've been curious for sometime to add a children field to Wikipedia biography articles and go about checking on average how less fecund highly successful people are. Like many things in life we're confronted by trade-offs. Children are some of the most awesome additions to life offering great meaningfulness that will outlive a career and yourself.

Re: Ask HN: Do you think career and family is either-or?

#9

Post by aantix » Sat, Jul 15, 2017, 6:51 PM UTC

codegeek wrote: post #3

"Their ambitions seem to be exhausted by their kids and family" Don't let this discourage you. Yes, it is a lot harder to do anything with family and specially kids. But can you have a great career with a big family ? Absolutely. It just requires a lot more dedication, hard work and commitment from your end. So don't ask yourself "Career or family". Ask yourself "Do I have it in me to have a great career along with a…

Maybe when the kids are in their pre-teen and teenage years this is possible, but with toddlers, I'm skeptical.

If you plan on being there when the kids get home, genuinely want to contribute your half by doing laundry/disciplining kids/teaching/playing with your children/reading stories/putting to bed, you may not be done with evening family time until 9 or 10pm.

Toddlers usually wake around 6am. You have to be rested enough to do it all over again and your professional work. That puts you going to bed at 10pm.

If you're extremely efficient with your time, maybe you can get ahead. But it's definitely a squeeze.

Re: Ask HN: Do you think career and family is either-or?

#10

Post by erik_landerholm » Sat, Jul 15, 2017, 6:58 PM UTC

I never worried about it. I just assumed I'd figure it out. But, that is survivor bias. I do know it was sometimes a major motivation to work harder. It was never a guilt thing, just I want to make sure they are OK.

I have 4 boys all healthy and a decent career. It's gone well for me, but there were scary parts...it increased the personal stress a lot in times like when my start-up/s failed.

It never hampered my ambition though. My wife and I are a team. We've spent 6 months plus apart as I pursued start-ups in Texas and during YC. I've never looked at my family as holding me back in any way.