Ask HN: Can't get a job because poor communication skills

I've been looking for 4 months, with 90% of my rejections being something to do with my communication skills.

I feel worthless honestly, and the worst thing about all this is that there is really nothing can do to make my autism disappear.

And honestly, I don't even see why my autism is a problem. I've always seen my autism and quietness as my super power, and it drive me nuts that you people don't see that too.

I was going to ask for help, but realistically that's pointless - I won't change in any significant way. And yeah, I know, "just be good enough that they look past it".

Please just try to be more understanding. It genuinely upsets me because I'm a pretty good developer, yet I know people who are really quite terrible, but they can bullshit well so they're all doing better than me. And this is at your expense quite frankly. The dude writes terrible code, but he came across well, so obviously we hired him...

Oh, and you can all fuck right off with your office culture. Stop wasting yours and my time sending each other cat.gif and joking about how the German IT guy is a secret Nazi. It's not remotely funny, I can't even explain how mad it makes me that I was let go for not participating in this madness.

Urgh, autistic rant over. I've got work to do.

What upsets me is that I harbour no dislike to people without autism. I don't understand a lot of your jokes. I don't understand a lot of your interests. But I try to be friendly in my own way. I try to smile when you say something that isn't funny.

But I don't get that same respect back. People rather simply reject me.

"He's weird".

"You need to work on your communication skills".

Fucks me off because I know people who are deaf in tech who can hardly talk and I've never heard someone say they need to work on their communication skills. Because they do.

I'm fed up with trying to be normal so people don't think I'm weird. And I'm fed up and trying to fit into "the culture". And I don't want to shoot some pool at lunch, I want to be left alone.

I just want people treat me with the same respect I treat them for being different to me.

So honestly yeah I am pissed off. I'm homeless now thanks to this constant shit. I can't even explain how fed up I am of being rejected for such a stupid reason.

If both answers are YES then you have to mention it when you apply online in the disability section of the form. In the US it is required by law for companies to acknowledge disabilities. Or should I say, a company can easily get sued for discrimination. That could help you during the recruiting process, if your autism is recorded as a disability.

I understand that this is a rant, but I'm concerned about some of the words that you chose. Consider some of these phrases:

> And honestly, I don't even see why my autism is a problem. I've always seen my autism and quietness as my super power, and it drive me nuts that you people don't see that too.

> I was going to ask for help, but realistically that's pointless - I won't change in any significant way.

> Please just try to be more understanding. It genuinely upsets me because I'm a pretty good developer, yet I know people who are really quite terrible, but they can bullshit well so they're all doing better than me. And this is at your expense quite frankly. The dude writes terrible code, but he came across well, so obviously we hired him...

> Oh, and you can all fuck right off with your office culture. Stop wasting yours and my time sending each other cat.gif and joking about how the German IT guy is a secret Nazi. It's not remotely funny, I can't even explain how mad it makes me that I was let go for not participating in this madness.

When I read those (even knowing that this is a rant), I can't help but wonder if those attitudes come across while you're looking for work.

For example, I wonder how you would answer, "Why did you leave your last job?" Do you start to talk about the German IT guy who was a secret Nazi? Do you talk about how the team bonding was a waste of everyone's time? Does your disdain for culture come through?

Or, what happens if someone asks what your weaknesses are and how you plan to compensate for them? Do you say, "I'm autistic, but I won't ask for help because I won't change in any significant way"?

Do you understand my point here? Your communication skills may actually be fine, but perhaps your anger scares people away.

I'm not sure that you're really looking for advice, but I have a few pieces for you.

1.) Get your autism diagnosed and start looking into programs for autistic adults. This is absolutely critical.Here's the thing about autism. You understand certain things differently, but it's not like you have an inoperable stage four tumour. Autism doesn't mean that you can't change, it just means that you might have to work harder at things that come naturally to people who aren't on the spectrum. But, there's another side to that coin because people who aren't on the spectrum will have to work harder at things that come naturally to you.

Just because you get diagnosed, you don't necessarily have to fill (these are your own words) 'a retard quota'. However, a diagnosis will help you access some programs that will help make things easier for you.

One of my buddies is on the spectrum and he has an incredible amount of difficulty with sequences. This cat loves music though and wanted nothing more than to learn how to play guitar. But, everyone said, "no, it will be too hard for you because sequences are hard for you." Despite that though, my buddy learned how to play guitar and is currently playing with one hell of a good band.

2.) We all have struggles. You struggle with autism. I struggled with a terrible speech impediment. And others struggle with addictions, mental illness and a myriad of problems.

You'll be surprised by how compassionate people can be if you tell them that you struggle. Heck, my buddy the guitar player has learned to be pretty straight up with people when he doesn't understand what's going on. "Sorry, I'm not trying to be rude, but I have autism and I don't understand what's expected of me."

It was harder than hell for him to start doing that, but he's been incredibly surprised by the results. Random people will say that they don't understand what's expected of them either, but they just fake it. Employers compliment him on his courage and say that he is a transformational influence in their companies. Co-workers tell him that he has changed how they view people on the spectrum.

And, do you know what? All he had to do was tell the truth...

You will be okay. You're obviously very smart and you have tremendous capacity. If I were you, I'd work very hard on the bitterness and consider getting some help. But, you'll be fine.

And for the love of all that is holy, don't let others change your opinion on yourself. Few people understand autism, but that's their problem, not yours.

Be safe and if you need a friend, my email is in my profile.