Ask HN: Developers – How did you learn to say NO?

Your Project Manager comes to you asking if something could be done and you say YES. And then you have a unbelievable deadline looming over you for the next few days.

Your peers ask you for some help on a task that they had been struggling with - for days. You say YES and then you end up having to feel the burn for their complete workload.

Your subordinates ask you for help every five minutes and you always say YES and end up helping them and sometimes end up doing all the task yourself - veiled under 'mentoring'.

How do you say NO? How did you learn to say NO?

But hey, for the big cases, you can always go back to the person and say, "sorry, but it's not really going to work. I didn't take into account _____." If they're mad, they're mad. It's like a breakup--it's not ideal, but people change their minds about things, and everyone has to make the best of it.

Sometimes, it's like a marriage proposal to in a public venue. It's hard to say no, but later on, you get to examine your feelings, and you have to eventually make a decision that's true to yourself.

The small cases have to be practice for the big cases.

Eventually, with experience, you'll start to see the patterns, but for now, just do what's best for yourself (which may include following through with the yes).

Not a confrontational question, just a logical one.