Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

- NextDNS with device rules/filtering (primarily for adult and malicious content). This also has monitoring capability, don't think I'll use it though.

- Social media restriction in the early years, but eventually allow access through a notebook. This is a more useful creative tool and will mediate passive consumption, as they won't carry it everywhere with them. Instead it's a log-in at home, when time permits.

- I can't imagine a scenario where my kids "need" a phone, but if so, dumbphones are an option

Some parents I guess will opt for overscheduling kids as an offset, but I think unstructured time is important. Just so long as it's not entirely spent on media consumption.

Mostly, right now I should be setting by example. In instances where kids are playing alone and I don't have to be hovering over them, I'm avoiding excessively reaching for the phone and instead pick up a book. Or do nothing.

Yes, you can isolate them from social media at home, but you have to acknowledge that it also means they will be missing out, won't be invited to things planned on there, will live under constant tension of "what are others talking on there?", all of which might actually stunt their (social) development more than just being on social media with no restrictions. You can take alternative approaches along the lines of "let them use computers first, then phones", but then you're no better than the parents forcing kids into a certain sport because of a personal preference.

I'm not saying don't ever tell them to go offline, just saying dialing down the restrictions a bit and actively providing alternatives-spending time with them-should go a long way. Spend time engaged with them, just generally show them the way-show them sports, activities, ... they can do with or without friends, offline. Lead by example is the term here.

To end this, I also know quite a few cases where the restrictions have backfired to the point the kid feels like they need to use up all precious daily screentime allowance, even tho they might have better things to do, just because it's so limited.

Now they have their dangers of addiction, but that can indeed be worked out. As a safeguard, a rate limit filter is what I would recommend. Perhaps one that can recognize roughly the kind of content watched, so you can have a relevant talk.

The self esteem and self-dox part can be really dealt with by actually doing the thing together. Otherwise you will be at the mercy of peers. Don't kid yourself about how powerful your influence is.

Sorry, but this just feels completely off-putting and I can tell you myself, if I were your kid, I'd find a way to get myself a phone, connect to some nearby Wi-Fi and use it all the time when you're not looking.

Sure, regulate it time and content-wise, but mandate they have absolutely no privacy doing things and it will likely backfire.

You won't win this way. The kid will obtain a second device and you'll have both a screaming match and an uphill battle. Or they will mooch elsewhere and forget about seeing your kid.