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Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#91

Post by aartav »

The short answer is that you can't.

The longer answer is that maintaining your current standard of living is not something you can do. You would need to make some sacrifices to get off the ground (roughly 18 months), even if you have a windfall of cash to take the time off you'd be sacrificing that windfall.

I have kids/wife/mortgages (plural), have started three companies, and worked in FAANG companies. I've never had a stellar exit but made some sustainable businesses. The cycle is basically feast and famine; 5 years at corporate job building up reserves and getting ideas, then 5 years of cutting back and getting a company off the ground. My wife doesn't really like the lean times, but she knows that is who I am (and dreams of big exits)

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#92

Post by Xcelerate »

earino wrote: post #6

My very concrete feelings on this is that you probably don't. Asking folks how to do this is a bit like asking billionaires how to get rich. It's a fun story but it's overfitting. The individual narrative that made a billionaire is unlikely to be available for you. If you ask some millionaires they may be more likely to give you some useful advice around sound investment strategies, living within your means, and iden…

> You signed up for a bunch of responsibilities. You are always going to be your kids parent. You are only going to have this one opportunity to get this marriage and this family right.

I think this is a bit of a depressing take. Even committed parents and spouses take alone time for themselves and have hobbies. Just treat your side project as your hobby and you can still have a healthy family.

Also, think about how much time the average person wastes day-to-day. Total up all the time watching television, reading articles, browsing online. Outsource your chores and improve the efficiency of your day job (e.g., work remotely to eliminate a commute) and you'll have plenty of time left over for a side project.

You might say — how can a side project be successful on 5 hours a day in the early morning? — but consider that someone pursuing a startup for 10 hours a day isn't going to have a significantly higher probability of success relative to other factors that make a larger difference (ability to interact well with other people, product-market fit, etc.) Sure, you might reduce your probability of success a bit, but you are essentially buying a lottery ticket anyway when you decide to start your own company, so would it really bother you much if your already small odds of success are 60% of what they would have been if you committed to the startup full-time?

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#94

Post by etothepii »

lolinder wrote: post #27
etothepii wrote: post #3

At 34 (but with no kids) I agreed with my wife that I could have 4 years with a sanity check at the end of year 2. I also agreed that it would be an ABSOLUTE rule that I could not put any of my own money into the company. This included the $10 for buying the first domain. I ended up selling 20% of my company to a friend for $5k when it was just weekend hacking with him getting diluted to a $2.5m valuation once I've b…

> It massively helps that my wife is a partner at a law firm so we can pay bills etc, without having to have saved the cushion in advance. I also arranged to leave my previous employer with a 6-figure exit payment. I'm happy for your success, but I feel like this should have been mentioned up front. This kind of massive leg up almost certainly does not apply to OP.

Fair, but there's lots of other things that get missed when trying to give short feedback.

I have a degree from a prestigious university and I've built relationships in the area I'm now trying to do business. I joined a golf club and a yacht club, I made friends with a former CEO of an NYSE listed company, I watched all the start-up school curriculum videos, I've been repeatedly rejected by YC (though we got an interview one time) which means I think through what we're doing every 6 months. I made friends with a journalist.

There are a lot of things I've done that wouldn't be available to someone with low social or financial capital.

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#95

Post by earino »

dangus wrote: post #83
earino wrote: post #6

My very concrete feelings on this is that you probably don't. Asking folks how to do this is a bit like asking billionaires how to get rich. It's a fun story but it's overfitting. The individual narrative that made a billionaire is unlikely to be available for you. If you ask some millionaires they may be more likely to give you some useful advice around sound investment strategies, living within your means, and iden…

I disagree with your advice, because it amounts to "sit around and do nothing, give up on your goals." I know someone who has a family who stated a side business in their spare time in their 30's. It started extremely modestly using just some spare time, and I think a lot of people have at least some spare time. The average person spends, what, 4 hours a day watching TV? If OP has an hour a day they can make at least…

I agree with a lot of the sentiment of your comment, particularly about introspecting and understanding what your reason for doing a startup is. I think that's very good advice.

However I don't feel that "being a solid professional making a solid wage, and be a good parent and partner" amounts to "sit around and do nothing, give up on your goals." I feel like the advice I gave is "wait until the time is right", which is different from fatalist nothing-doing!

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#97

Post by vasilipupkin »

The right time to work on a startup is any time when you have identified a real problem to solve through your overall work and personal experience. When something occurs to you that seems clearly obvious as a need, backed up hopefully by some data from potential customers.

The wrong time to work on a startup is when you just have a vague desire to work on a startup but don't have the passion for solving a specific problem but just feel a vague pull towards startups. In that case, you are much better off joining someone else's startup.

You can make long hours work out with family life and having kids, people do it all the time who are not involved with startups but work multiple jobs, lawyers who work long hours, etc.

Long hours per se is not the issue, spending those hours on the right, productive thing is the issue.

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#98

Post by Cryptonic »

Well eventually you don't. It will hurt everybody involved if you have a day job and start something. Either your kids or your relationship until your wife leaves with the kids.

With some luck eventually you work out something at night times if you have the energy.

Skip TV. As soon as the kids are in bed go for it 2-4 hours, then watch a movie with your wife or have sex. Never forget: Happy wife happy life.

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#99

Post by esel2k »

If read through nearly all comments but can’t see where you say « why » you want this?

To become a billionaire? To leave your job that makes you sick? To have a more exciting job?

I am mid-30s 2kids good, not crazy paying job (think 160-200k$ range TCO) and spend time with kids and travel 1-2x amazing trips a year with them. I decided not to give up that precious time and don’t regret it so far. But what I did is change companies until I could find that dynamic startup vibe with a good salary. I would even take the risk to go to a smaller company slightly less money but with shares/options. Up to you, but answer the « why » truly honest is my advice…

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