Go to events for people that have the same interests you do. You're likely to make some friends at events like this if you go to a lot of them.
Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
91–100 of 218 posts
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#92Club is a good start! Do you like the people there? Ask if they want to grab food together after the club meeting sometime. Or invite them over for snacks, drinks (if you can obtain in a way you're comfortable with), videogames etc at your place or at a common space. If you don't like them so much, or even if you do, try other clubs, IM sports, join a chorus or band or orchestra, a cappella group, etc. These things h…
Tbh i should probably try inviting people to stuff, I just don't wanna try to put something together and have like 2 people show up. I never really organized that kind of hang out before so I'll have to do some work learning. Thanks for the advice!
Sounds like the low-commitment option of going out for food might make the most sense then!
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#93> Advice on how to connect better with people? Log off, touch some grass. Put yourself out there. Once you get a few people around you, it's relatively easy to leaver yourself into other friends groups. > But I've heard everybody talking about Halloween costumes in the past few days and realized I don't need one cause I'll be sitting inside alone on Halloween. I'd like to start fixing this but don't know how. Just sa…
> Just say yes to the next offer you get While they should be saying yes to opportunities to connect with people, I'm not sure if this particular advice is great. If I was in a similar situation to the author of the post, I would find this particular advice demoralizing. It assumes the author of the post has what they are stressing they do NOT have - friends and offers of things to do. If you are not connecting with…
This is too narrow a view. Social events are widely advertised, the offer does not need to be directed specifically at you.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#94If you are introverted (not saying you are), or just having difficulty connecting to people the way to go is to do some sort of shared goal directed activity that you can talk about with said other people. Join a club, or take up an activity - learn to do something that can serve as a topic of conversation. Most places where people do something like social like rowing or dancing have well developed programs for converting beginners into participating members of the community - start with beginner lessons in whatever it is. Don't be afraid to try a number of things before you find something that "fits". You don't have to be perfect at something in order to enjoy doing it with other people (who may also be imperfect at it).
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#95Is there a quad area on campus where people hang out between classes? Probably the most important thing is to be visible and familiar to as many of your classmates as possible. So studying in public places such as the library, or dawdling on campus between classes will increase your odds of meeting like-minded students.
Also, I recommend looking out for fellow students that seem to be 'connectors' in that they are social with many different people. They will typically be interested in meeting new people and hooking them into one or more of their social groups. Connectors tend to be busy but are also very reliable (unlike flirts which can at times appear to be connectors but instead are not reliable.)
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#96not many people are mentioning it but - say hi to people.
go to a show, talk to someone about the show after it.
go to lunch, ask if you can sit with them.
etc.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#97Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t participate in the Halloween craze. Perhaps you’re not so much into it after all? If your previous efforts to socialite weren’t successful, it might mean that you tried with the wrong people.
Do more of the stuff you really like. Look for things you like outside your home. Don’t worry if these activities don’t align with what you think would commonly be called „fun“. Spend an hour or two at the local library browsing every other day? Far from the mainstream, but it’s a great way to meet like-minded people. This is just an example, your interests may be different. The key is to identify and cultivate them.
Socializing is always easiest when you have something that you are passionate about.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#98COVID has definitely thrown a wrench in the works. So I suspect there are a lot of people in your boat, even if it feels like everyone else has a social group. Turns out, the people who don't have a social group just aren't as visible. Your job is to find them (or latch onto a compatible social group).
What helped me in college? Clubs were great, and often have social events + club events. If you even have a passing interest in skiing/snowboarding, golfing, disc golf, radio/music, or anything else -- go to club meetings. Put yourself out there as someone who's interested but wants to learn more. The nicest people in the group will help you get started. I know it's scary to put yourself out there, but that's largely how you bond with others.
I would also try to get into TAing if I were you -- that was a great way for me to meet friends in college.
And finally, start or join a study group for any class that interests you. Even if you're not struggling, helping other students can help you solidify your knowledge and understand the gaps in your knowledge. And teaching/mentorship are great skills to foster for your future career, too. If you are struggling, study groups can be a good way to find smart people who can help you not struggle. They're often good people to surround yourself in the future, too -- highly motivated, smart, successful people can refer you to jobs, help you find internships, etc.
It also hugely helps to attend parties and other drinking events at school. You don't have to get drunk or anything, but even showing up, having a couple of drinks, and hanging out with people informally will make the connections you need to start building friendships.
Finally, just be friendly when you're out and about. Hang out outside of your room whenever you can -- at the library, at a coffee shop on campus, at the cafeteria -- and say hi to everyone you recognize and feel comfortable talking to. Ask them about their day, or their weekend plans, or how that tough project is going. See if they're doing anything tomorrow night, and if you can tag along if it sounds interesting. You'll be surprised at how open most people are to that kind of thing, and how much they'll enjoy active interest from another human being. Oh, and it helps to exploit these chats to introduce yourself to friends of those friends who they happen to be with... who you can later say hi to to build your network even further.
One last thing: don't try too hard. When you're feeling genuinely nice and you're genuinely interested, go for it. But if something doesn't actually interest you, or someone seems busy and doesn't want to talk, don't force it. That'll make you seem weird, and you don't want that. Just be open and friendly, and good things will come as you build your network.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#99Earlier quoted context omitted.
There are plenty of good specific suggestions about hygiene, appearance, food, and so on posted already, so I'll be more general. Eliminate habits that repel others and work on habits that attract them. Don't be annoying. Don't try to make things about yourself. Don't correct people. Don't offer unsolicited advice. Don't be creepy to girls. Don't be pushy. There are myriad ways to be annoying. Be pleasant. People str…
You're right and I think i'm decent on those things, I just don't know if I'm wrong. I go to professional events and I connect well with people and have formed some good professional relationships from there. I just don't know how to get feedback on whether or not I'm doing some of those things, you know? It's really hard to figure that out about myself and people don't tend to mention that stuff.
> I just don't know if I'm wrong. I go to professional events and I connect well with people and have formed some good professional relationships from there.
A good professional relationship can turn into a lasting friendship, but in my experience it's pretty rare. Professional relationships tend to remain, well, professional. Be open to forming friendships with colleagues, but don't expect it. A lot of people just want their job to be a job. I've found both lunch and taking a 15-30 minute walk to be good ways to bond socially at work. Being pleasant shouldn't be too hard there. For example do you appreciate it when someone else drives to lunch? Then offer to do it too. Is your coworker bouncing an idea off you? Even if you think it's bad, try to find a way to show that you're in their corner and want them to succeed. Don't be dishonest, but prefer the "yes and..." to the "yes, but..." style of conversation.
> I just don't know how to get feedback on whether or not I'm doing some of those things, you know? It's really hard to figure that out about myself and people don't tend to mention that stuff.
Some people are naturals, but many, especially in the tech world, aren't. You've got the right attitude. Social interaction is a skill and like all skills it can be improved with practice. Dale Carnegie's book[1] is a classic on the subject that I recommend. Take some time at the end of the day to reflect on your interactions with others. See if you can identify why each interaction was warm or cool, especially if it started one way and went the other.
Finally, while it's best used sparingly, you can just ask them. Be aware that this can violate the don't be annoying rule, but many people like to be helpful and will give you honest feedback if you ask. Be sure to thank them for it, even if it isn't apparently helpful.
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influen...
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#100Do some lsd
Make a start-up
make music
become an expert in a field
attend JavaScript conferences