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Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

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Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#91

Post by lobotryas »

playing_colours wrote: post #81
thomk wrote: post #53

Yes, I wish I could PM you. I spent lots of time in front of therapists as well. What I got for it was an education in how I got to be who I am today. My recommendation is to save your money, watch School of Life videos ( https://www.theschooloflife.com/ ) and you can figure out why you are you. The short answer is; your upbringing, because it's very hard to change that internal original programming. The goal of ther…

Can you please elaborate more on being competent, and how ti is related to controlling your behaviour? Do you mean, say, to fully focus on mastering professional skills?

To put what OP wrote in tl;dr format: Get good, like REALLY good, at one specific thing. You don’t have to reach levels of a pro, but if I ask you “what are you good at” you wouldn’t even have to think before you told me.

This mastery will give you confidence.

Edit: it also helps to have a hobby. Pro tip: media consumption is not a hobby. It’s just passive entertainment.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#93

Post by lobotryas »

simplify wrote: post #35
amelius wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, but wouldn't you end up as the stereotypical "mr. Nice Guy"? Also, you have to be a little more specific. For example writing open source software could be considered "volunteer work", but is probably not what you meant.

The stereotypical "nice guy" is a term for someone who thinks they're a nice guy, but then turns into an asshole when they don't get what they want. Not related.

Or even more specifically: it’s a person who has an ulterior motive for being nice instead of being altruistic for its own sake.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#94

Post by astockwell »

playing_colours wrote: post #81
thomk wrote: post #53

Yes, I wish I could PM you. I spent lots of time in front of therapists as well. What I got for it was an education in how I got to be who I am today. My recommendation is to save your money, watch School of Life videos ( https://www.theschooloflife.com/ ) and you can figure out why you are you. The short answer is; your upbringing, because it's very hard to change that internal original programming. The goal of ther…

Can you please elaborate more on being competent, and how ti is related to controlling your behaviour? Do you mean, say, to fully focus on mastering professional skills?

Personally I don’t think it has to be professional, but it should probably be a skill of substance (e.g. not mastery of video gaming). Fitness, a martial art, carpentry, a musical instrument, or a trade (plumbing, etc) all come to mind. And specifically, master of just 1 element of one of those, at a time.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#95

Post by nick_urban »

Exercise is an excellent way to build outer confidence and self-esteem. On the inner level, I would recommend practicing compassion meditation, especially self-compassion. Many of us have a belief that there is something wrong with us, that we are deficient. If you can face this feeling in a gentle and self-compassionate way, you can bring the emotion to the surface and release it. Over time it subsides. This will also lead you to feel compassion for others.

You could start with something like this:

https://www.tarabrach.com/meditation-the-rain-of-self-compas...

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#97

Post by dondon1 »

noncoml wrote: post #73

Bodybuilding. Seriously. Go to the gym and lift heavy. Lift daily. Spend 1.30-2 hours daily lifting weights. Start with a trainer if you have never done any competitive sports before. Fix your diet and eat a lot of protein. I promise you that you will not recognize yourself in 6 months to a year. Both physically and psychologically. IMHO a lot of issues we face in our times are because of the lack of exercise.

Agree with this one, go for strengh training, this released a lot of testosterone and will make you feel alive. Your improved physique will also boost your confidence. In combination with Brazilian Jiu Jitsu you should be on a good path to boost you selfconfidence. Just remember to give it time, do both for at least 12 months very regularly and you will change as a man.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#98

Post by Thriptic »

noncoml wrote: post #73

Bodybuilding. Seriously. Go to the gym and lift heavy. Lift daily. Spend 1.30-2 hours daily lifting weights. Start with a trainer if you have never done any competitive sports before. Fix your diet and eat a lot of protein. I promise you that you will not recognize yourself in 6 months to a year. Both physically and psychologically. IMHO a lot of issues we face in our times are because of the lack of exercise.

As a powerlifter who has dealt with depression many times in the past, I totally agree. The beauty of lifting is that it gives you a set of goals with very clear success metrics that are readily attainable. There are also well proven programs for success into the intermediate level that don't require much tuning regardless of discipline (bodybuilding, powerlifting, weight lifting, strongman, etc). No matter what happens in your professional or personal life, the iron will always be there for you :)

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#99

Post by qfarhan »

wenc wrote: post #87
ergocoder wrote: post #76

A good next step might be interacting with real people to get used to being supported. Some comments say volunteering. I disagree. Volunteering doesn't force you to interact with people. It might not work for you. Toastmasters, on the other hand, forces you to speak to others. Toastmasters explicitly trains members to be supportive and forgiving and to approach you to interact. Toastmasters is like a newbie environme…

> Toastmasters, on the other hand, forces you to speak to others. Toastmasters explicitly trains members to be supportive and forgiving and to approach you to interact. Toastmasters is like a newbie environment that lets you build your confident. I agree with this, with just one caveat: many people join Toastmasters with the intention of getting better at public speaking -- and this intention needs to be put in persp…

Which class as second city did you attend? Do you have ideas about their different programs for adults? Thanks.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#100

Post by whiddershins »

noncoml wrote: post #73

Bodybuilding. Seriously. Go to the gym and lift heavy. Lift daily. Spend 1.30-2 hours daily lifting weights. Start with a trainer if you have never done any competitive sports before. Fix your diet and eat a lot of protein. I promise you that you will not recognize yourself in 6 months to a year. Both physically and psychologically. IMHO a lot of issues we face in our times are because of the lack of exercise.

3x a week will work wonders.

I even turned around a bout of depression starting with one really great 2 hour martial arts class per week.

Part of turning things around is being willing to start small and increase life changes in manageable increments, keep progressing.

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