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Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

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Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#91
post #30

Life is hard, let's go shopping. Oh wait. Seriously, you're just exactly like the average 21 year old introvert without a girlfriend. Most of us have been there, and we didn't post about it on internet forums. Geesh. I vote against all the advice to "go see a psychotherapist". The only psychotherapy you need is to stop making excuses and get the fuck out of your room. Go meet people. Do risky stuff. Look for the brig…

Personally, when I was 21 and bummed I didn't have a girlfriend, I would have appreciated someone, anyone, telling me to MTFU and get out into the real world rather than sit in my room and whine about it on a forum. While I appreciate that there's a chance that the OP does have a serious case of depression, I feel that it's a lot more likely that he just needs to get out there and enjoy himself. In either case, there…

I agree, when I was 19 and left my web dev degree with no real plan other than knowing that Uni wasn't for me I wallowed for a long time and ended up with some really crazy thought cycles from keeping myself isolated.

The best thing my family could have done which is what my Mother did which was to tell me it was time I was paying rent and I had to get a job. Of course, once I had a job she never asked for rent as that was never her intention. And once I had a job, I realised that the thing I was doing was not my future which drove me to get on with stuff I liked. 18 months later I was in charge of the web dev graduates at the agency I worked at.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Best"--I'm not sure of, it's certainly up there though. "Safest"--It's quite safe, especially if done in the right set and setting [1]. [1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Set_and_setting

Regardless of the situation, the poster does not seem to be in a stable enough mental state for this kind of experience. While you may have had transformative experiences with these substances, you have to remember that there is a dark side as well. Going into a psychedelic trip with a depressed, lonely mindset could very well amplify that and cause the poster to do something unfortunate. Maybe a guided MDMA experien…

> Still, it's not our place to be "prescribing" drugs to someone who really should be getting some professional opinions.

Of course it's not our place to prescribe drugs. I am not prescribing anything.

If you say you're tired and someone tells you, "Grab a cup of coffee" or "Take a nap", are they writing you a prescription? No!

This advice is given in the same spirit, and while you may think it's bad advice, that is your opinion, based, hopefully, on your personal experience. This is my opinion, it happens to differ with yours, and it is based on my personal experience, and it also happens to be grounded in sound science. [1]

No prescription necessary, just an honest suggestion that the poster is free to research for him or herself.

Yes, there are risks to be aware of, and hence my mentioning set and setting, and the importance of having a sitter. Take the advice or leave it, I'm just mentioning it, and yes, conditionally endorsing it.

  [1] https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Psilocybin#2006_Johns_Hopkins_experiment

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#93
post #30

Life is hard, let's go shopping. Oh wait. Seriously, you're just exactly like the average 21 year old introvert without a girlfriend. Most of us have been there, and we didn't post about it on internet forums. Geesh. I vote against all the advice to "go see a psychotherapist". The only psychotherapy you need is to stop making excuses and get the fuck out of your room. Go meet people. Do risky stuff. Look for the brig…

There are some things people arguing against professional help should try to understand: not every treatable and serious negative psychological condition is depression; you don't go to a doctor only if you have cancer; occasionally you can succesfully treat serious diseases without professional help - that doesn't make it a good idea. So yes, maybe he'll just get over it and start living on his own, but if he wants to actually better his chances then he definitely should seek help. Good psychiatrists are definitely capable and willing to assess if he really needs help (and what kind of help).

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#94
post #45

Dude, start drinking. You will get over your inhibitions and meet people. You will have the best and worst experiences of your life. And sometime after it is all said and done you will find yourself.

Horrible advice. If you need a drug that makes it easier to talk to people, Alcohol is one of the worst choices.

And yet it's consumed by about 2 billion people worldwide. The OP's problem is that he's a 21yo boy. Talking about his problems with a shrink and taking little colored pills is not going to help him have the experiences he needs to grow.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#95
post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Horrible advice. If you need a drug that makes it easier to talk to people, Alcohol is one of the worst choices.

And yet it's consumed by about 2 billion people worldwide. The OP's problem is that he's a 21yo boy. Talking about his problems with a shrink and taking little colored pills is not going to help him have the experiences he needs to grow.

You don't have a thorough understanding about how psychologists help people. Pills aren't always prescribed and sometimes it's nice to have a professional evaluate your life and make some suggestions. And little? I don't think depression is a "little problem."

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#96
post #35
post #16

My friend you need professional help. We are not psychologists nor psychiatrists. For starters the only way to meet friends is to be outgoing, being an introvert makes this very hard, but if you really want to make friends you are going to have to deal with your issues and talk to people. Believe it or not, it gets better with time and as you grow. On the other part, grades don't mean a thing, and you really need to…

I thoroughly disagree with this advice. He doesn't need to get professional help to get over the kind of hump that every shy and introverted 21 year old has to get over (and does). I see no evidence in this post of anything more than the typical emo-angst and self-pity stuff that affects pretty much any intelligent introvert at some point during university. He just needs a good kick in the arse. If anyone knows who t…

Most intelligent introverts have friends in University though. The fact that the person is probably not into socializing as it's known to most college kids, generally means that they form a group within a section of the 'intelligent introverts' at the school.

In any case I would agree with you that he just needs to get out more if it weren't for the case that 1) he's making a pity case out of his situation 2) he is not only not happy with his current situation, but seems to be entering a phase of self loathing which can easily be an entry phase into depression.

He does need professional help, which type we can't tell because we don't really know the person, but the fact that he not only acknowledges that he is unhappy with his current social situation but also speaks illy about his situation with college and professors and thinks he needs some magic pill to actually improve his life (as if we in HN were in the position to give him any advice that will change his life that easily). It's most probable that he only needs to man up and take control of his life, but maybe his problem is not only the lack of will power to do so, and he needs a therapist to help him from a positive idea of what his life is supposed to be. At the most extreme it might even be a serious problem, perhaps a hormonal imbalance or a mental problem caused because of his environment, in which case a therapist might not even be enough and might need to seek a psychiatrist and start medication.

As you said he might just need a kick in the arse, and what I recommended to him actually gets him on this path, but if that is not enough (which is just as probable as per his situation) he might really need someone to tighten the screws in his head that are loose or maybe even missing. Of course, I'm not saying he's crazy, but something isn't clicking right now and he really needs to get it fixed asap.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#97
I guess it depends on the resources available. If the counselors are as bad as you say the professors are, seeing a counselor might not help. But you might do well to give them a shot, and then decide. Otherwise, I will say that

1. The man who did not waste a great deal of time at your age is unusual and fortunate. As for self confidence, it seems to distributed every evenly among those who have reasons for it and those who have none; in my day I met quite a few undergraduates with great self confidence that may have carried over from being in a cool crowd in high school, but who seemed to me to be of very little interest.

2. Some of the future is in your hands, but none of the past is. Evaluate your past for what it can do for you, but try not to dwell on it.

3. Trust me, it is not only in India that one meets dud professors.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#98
post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And yet it's consumed by about 2 billion people worldwide. The OP's problem is that he's a 21yo boy. Talking about his problems with a shrink and taking little colored pills is not going to help him have the experiences he needs to grow.

You don't have a thorough understanding about how psychologists help people. Pills aren't always prescribed and sometimes it's nice to have a professional evaluate your life and make some suggestions. And little? I don't think depression is a "little problem."

You don't have a thorough understanding about how psychologists help people.

That's probably because I've never known any who have.

And little? I don't think depression is a "little problem."

Fair enough. I switched little to the colored pills.

Anyway, he asked for advice from a bunch of random people on the internet - and IMO there were a lot of good ones... exercising and stuff like that - but that takes real effort and the OP doesn't seem capable of that right now. So in that context I think my advice was as fair as the rest - certainly seems to work for the socially awkward in the rest of the world which is why it's pretty much accepted in every culture everywhere.

Edit: Wish I could get Kingfisher and Taj Mahal here...

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#99
I don't think hacker news is the right place to be asking advice. After all, from what I can tell, the level of confidence among the people here is very high :).

My personal advice would be to get busy with something that doesn't involve college, like a web app or a game, and keep at it. I've found that seeing a project you've worked on all by yourself slowly come to life is a great confidence booster. If that doesn't help you, maybe you should look for professional help. Good luck man!

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#100
It seems you're experiencing a couple of problems. Allow me to restate them:

1) You don't have many friends, and (I assume, though this isn't clear) that you wish you had more.

2) You feel your educational institutions are failing you, in the sense that they are not educating you.

3) You are ashamed of yourself, and things that you have done, so much so that it keeps you from moving forward with studying or doing well in school and, (I also assume) working on things outside of school.

You then made a specific request for advice on how you can forget what you see as your shitty past, because you believe this will help you to move forward.

Sound about right?

Well okay let's deal with #1 first. How to get more friends and be less lonely. Most people can't control whether or not other people think they're funny, or think they're cool, or like them. Seriously. Walk up to someone and try to make them like you. It doesn't work, even if you are charming or funny or cool. But what you can control is whether or not you are a good person. A good person helps others out without the expectation of reward. A good person doesn't talk shit about people behind their backs. A good person stands up for those weaker than himself. Perhaps you could start by offering to tutor someone who is struggling with Python. You could spend time talking to an old woman, or someone with a physical disability.

Work on being a good person. Once you've done that, the friends will come, and the loneliness will fix itself.

As a corollary to this, do an inventory of your friends, even though you don't have many, and of your family members. Are they good people? Or are they shallow and small minded or mean or alcoholic? Do they talk about other people behind their backs? Are they negative, or hypercritical? If so, get them out of your life. People can be heat sinks, just like a swimming pool. You don't notice them draining your energy, in fact maybe being around them can seem pleasant. But over time, just as an 80 degree swimming pool will suck heat energy out of your body at an alarming rate, so can negative people.

Which brings me to problem number two. It sounds like your instructors and professors aren't adding anything to your life. You must now either find professors or teachers who do add to your life, and will take an interest in you, or you need to get the fuck out of college. It's okay to give up on formal education, especially if you have a good brain. Learn the shit out of python from books. Build toy applications. Get a job. Contribute to open source. There is more than one way to get an education.

And regarding problem number three, I really like the advice by Swombat above. You ain't alone, bubba. Nobody cares except for you.

And I know this won't be popular advice, but maybe it's time you thought of a change. I don't know that I'd recommend the Indian Army for a change of pace, but I spent 4 years in the US Army as a paratrooper between high school and college, and it helped me to get over my own bullshit. Again, my bullshit was very similar to yours. No friends, didn't like my instructors at college, and my family wasn't much help.

Whatever happens, you're not alone, and good luck. You'd be surprised at how many people there are out there who, once they decide you're a good person, will want to see you succeed.

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