Obviously I don't know your personal situation, but in general I wouldn't assume that introversion = lack of social skills. If you are able to have quality relationships with the people you DO spend time with, then it's just a matter of being selective. If you find yourself completely unable to connect with the people you really like, then you may want to work on it. If it's just a matter of not feeling interested in spending time with tons of people, no big deal.
Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
91–95 of 95 posts
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#92Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#93Earlier quoted context omitted.
First: >Go up to a woman that you feel drawn to and stand there and say "I have to say. I'm very nervous to talk to you but I had to walk over and say hi." Please don't. That is, unless you have material after this line, which is unlikely unless you are already skilled in chatting up strangers. You'll create an awkward situation. She'll probably give you a forced smile, and then you'll panic because now the you've op…
"Please don't. That is, unless you have material after this line, which is unlikely unless you are already skilled in chatting up strangers.You'll create an awkward situation." Please do. Of course this is what is going to happen, I have done that too, but it is fantastic to fail, because it is the only way to improve and success. You will discover that the world doesn't end from you making mistakes, in fact you had…
I'm definitely not suggesting making up some fantastical story in the 'PUA' style, or using a canned opener, or generally treating the girl as some machine that has a set of locks you need to open. At some point you have to have some shit to talk about. When you aren't good at talking to new people, you are nervous and 'in your head' which reduces your involvement with the conversation and amount you have to say. Sooo you need a plan. You need material. Simple (positive!) situational stuff is great.
Plus, if you have a plan (material!) you will come across as more confident because you aren't making it up on the spot.
Also, girls rarely 'help' you unless the environment is social. A friend's party is easy. She will 'help' you; you are already vetted in lacking creep. Bars are moderately easy. Just act like you are awesome. Salsa is easy as they are there to meet people. A cute girl on the train platform will not help you. You gotta be god damn don juan.
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#94Of course it's okay!
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#95Earlier quoted context omitted.
To fake being an extravert is not that difficult when you've mastered the skill of meaningless chit chat. However, I've noticed that to acquire that skill you need an active interest in the person you're communicating with. I've noticed that people with a natural interest in other people seem to be perceived as extraverts. To learn that interest in other people can be a challenging task and after twenty years of prac…
In his book, "What Got You Here Won't Get You There", Marshall Goldsmith says that everyone has the capacity to be like Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton is a legendary communicator who makes anyone feel like they are the most important person in the room[1]. When are we like Bill Clinton? When we want to make our best possible impression - first date, job interview. The difference is Bill Clinton does this all day long, wi…
I wonder why would one want to put an effort into making people feel like they're most important person in the room? Obviously, there are a lot of interesting people around, why spend time and energy into communicating with others?