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Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

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Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#91

Post by noemit »

starlord wrote: post #24
noemit wrote: post #7

To answer original question, the things that make ME happy. Which might be pretty different from you even if we are both nerdy introverts: - My dogs - Laughing at my favorite youtubers' new videos - Reading (at home, at coffee shops, at work) - My loved ones - Helping others - Becoming a better person - Writing Response to body text: - Things that you enjoy such as hobbies change over time, but with some effort you c…

I think part from the dog, the lists overlap fairly well more or less. I don't own a dog, but like playing with them whenever i get the chance. Also loved ones are fewer than I would have liked. Trying to help out enough people and yes it does help a lot, but also takes up a lot of time. There's always a tradeoff I guess. :) While your last response statement is quite on point with what i feel i should do as well, bu…

Maybe you should develop a new hobby called management, hiring and mentoring - and read some books about it.

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#93

Post by joshstm »

I find if you are introverted and lack the energy to possibly go out. Gaming online with friends is satisfying. You can easily make new friends on any gaming community or play with existing ones. I play with a group of about 5 friends every night. If we are not actually playing the same game we still join a chat party to socialize. Civ or Hearts of Iron are great strategic games you can play.

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#94

Post by afarrell »

jchw wrote: post #51
cpfohl wrote: post #30

Even as an introvert it's always people. After college, before getting married my (now) wife and I had the same problem - but we noticed it wasn't just us: everyone we knew felt lonely. We decided to start getting together with all our friends and acquaintances almost every night after work. We hosted or set it up for about two weeks before it took on a life of its own and we didn't have to be present for each night;…

I'm pretty lonely too, but I have two problems: 1. I don't feel like I have enough energy to do things after work, and I find myself unable to socialize for long periods of time. 2. My friends, or at least friends I know in the real world, are running into number 1, and often have different work schedules anyways. Modern society feels isolating. When I try to be social, I find many people are disinterested. I myself…

Some friends of mine in Boston used to (might still) hold regular "Monday night in" where friends would come by the house and sit on the couches and read, occasionally talking quietly.

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#96

Post by blaster151 »

Delmania wrote: post #31

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/unhappy Also, there's a passage in Meditation by Marcus Aurelius I think would do you well. To paraphrase, if you turn your full attention to the present task, not worrying about the future, and letting the past go, nothing can stop you from living a good life. > Always loved learning new stuff, but don't have enough time to really be immersive in anything. Now when I see an interesting p…

That Oatmeal strip is wonderful - thank you for posting.

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#97

Post by blaster151 »

afarrell wrote: post #94
jchw wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm pretty lonely too, but I have two problems: 1. I don't feel like I have enough energy to do things after work, and I find myself unable to socialize for long periods of time. 2. My friends, or at least friends I know in the real world, are running into number 1, and often have different work schedules anyways. Modern society feels isolating. When I try to be social, I find many people are disinterested. I myself…

Some friends of mine in Boston used to (might still) hold regular "Monday night in" where friends would come by the house and sit on the couches and read, occasionally talking quietly.

That sounds like a social event that I wouldn't dread. :)

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#98

Post by blaster151 »

KKKKkkkk1 wrote: post #83
thisone wrote: post #39

I stopped pigeon holing myself as an introvert. I quite literally looked at my life, thought about where I wanted to be, and then looked at what traits I'd need to cultivate in order to get there. One of them was 'how to have a conversation with people' which was hard to learn, and embarrassing to practice, but I got there. I'm not 'extrovert' at it, and it is exhausting, but I'm no wallflower any longer. Another one…

Another one was 'how to disagree with someone and not be deferential, passive aggressive, or just plain aggressive about it' this I'm still working on, but I've gotten better at it. What is the key to getting better at this, in your experience?

I was going to ask this too. I resonate with that description and haven't heard it described quite so well before.

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#99

Post by blaster151 »

thisone wrote: post #89
KKKKkkkk1 wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Another one was 'how to disagree with someone and not be deferential, passive aggressive, or just plain aggressive about it' this I'm still working on, but I've gotten better at it. What is the key to getting better at this, in your experience?

My biggest problem is deferring and when I don't do that, I railroad or say 'fuck this, I'm doing it anyway'. None of which is useful or productive. But for me it boils down to an inferiority problem. What has helped is recognizing that feeling of 'something about this isn't right' and instead of either pushing it down (because I don't want to look stupid) or immediately saying 'hey that's shit but I can't tell you w…

I relate to this. In my case it's exacerbated by my need to take time to come to conclusions (sometimes even overnight). I need to let things percolate in my subconscious and only then can I determine whether my intuitive reaction was "valid" or was based on a projection or an insecurity. Finding the right words to articulate it to others can take even longer. I have to get better at "placeholder responses" like "I'm interested in that and I want to respond, but I feel like I need some time to get my thoughts together around it."

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#100

Post by blaster151 »

starlord wrote: post #20
sixhobbits wrote: post #13

I know "introvert" is an important part of many people's identity, so I don't want to bash that, but this article[0] and some long talks with someone who didn't believe that "introvert" was a thing definitely increased my overall happiness. TL;DR most people think of introvert/extrovert on one dimension, but in fact some people are both (happy alone, happy in groups) and others are neither (unhappy alone, unhappy in…

I understand from where you are coming from. But the very point that it takes a lot of effort to be "extrovertable" is an issue. I have tried this and on the weekends where i "extroverted" myself, I feel pretty exhausted by Sunday night and dread the Monday mornings. Perhaps, I might lie in that "unhappy everywhere" group... but I think I was pretty happy in college around the bunch of other like-minded friends. It's…

Yes! Thank you! I hesitate to commit to prolonged social situations because I know that if I hit the wall and run out of "extroversion energy" I will certainly "become boring" unless I magically find someone with whom communication is magically easy, a situation that is exceedingly rare.

I would rather people experience me as "elsewhere" than "boring" and I especially dislike when I internalize others' perception and start seeing myself as boring, too.

It's all so complicated.

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