Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

I've been in a very similar situation as a first time founder for over half a decade, and getting professional help to deal with anxiety, burnout and depression was super helpful. I was spending days staring at the screen phasing out, couldn't get out of bed, crying, deriving no pleasure from anything, and all that jazz. This lasted over a year before it got bad enough I had to reach out for help. I was going to either quit and/or accidentally take the company down with me.

No pills involved to fix it in my case, just a lot of techniques and practices prescribed by the therapist that help you keep your sanity over the long term. You can get over it within a couple of months if you are diligent about staying on top of the process.

I suspect that almost every high performer who pushes hard in their career will eventually get to this point, it's normal, you need to learn how to deal with the level of anxiety that these positions can induce. Just like most super successful people have coaches, I think most super successful people have therapists keeping them afloat.

On the good news: there are some short-term fixes you can pursue that will probably help a lot.

* Antidepressants, while I don't think they're a long-term solution for anybody with exogenous depression (i.e. you're not someone with a chemical imbalance in your personal biology) can be really, really useful for helping you climb out of a rut. I was dealing with a really bad streak of depression awhile back and didn't even realize it because the character of it was so different from what I was used to in my 20s. After a few months and some targeted counseling, I found I was operating with much more clarity.

* Better sleep—you didn't mention it, but I can guess that you're burning the candle at both ends and have been for some time. My particular antidepressant helped immensely with that as well.

* Counseling. This is one a lot of us have trouble with when it comes to taking that step. But do it, seriously. And you might be surprised to find out your wife probably already has a good idea about it—mine saw it way before I did. She didn't know exactly what the problem was, but she knew we weren't just fighting about whose turn it was to do the dishes.

* Perspective. This is really hard to get when you're in the midst of a depressive cycle or dealing with burnout. You are highly unlikely to be the only one who can do your job. It may take some training to get someone else to learn this stuff, and there may be some hiccups along the way, but unless your business is incredibly brittle you'll be ok. Look around at your industry and try to identify people who could do slices of your job, and then maybe have some conversations and see what it would take to get them to join you. If the programming is really just dead-simple CRUD for the most part, consider outsourcing it to someone or a team who will work on it hourly or weekly.

The bad news:

* Yes, as a founder you're likely part of the acquisition. This doesn't mean you don't have some room to negotiate with the acquiring company for a month or two of vacation after it closes. Take some time and go to the beach and recharge. You may not want to come back at the end but you'll at least feel rested enough to do the job.

* If you're really burnt out, this can take some time to climb out of. Be patient with yourself and put structures in your life to help you get out of it. I started taking a karate class in a style I spent almost a decade in 20 years ago—its really helped a lot to be physical, and since I'm not the kind of person who is terribly motivated to go to a gym, its probably my only real option realistically to get myself to work out. Whatever your thing is, you gotta build in breaks somewhere.

When you get through this, put a reminder on your calendar far in the future, far enough you'll forget you did it, and if you can predict stressful periods, during or just before one of those. Give your future self some words of encouragement. Mine popped up on May 1 and was a much-needed reminder of a few things going into my busy season.

You'll be ok man, just try not to do anything drastic when you're feeling this way. When "here" looks bad, sometimes "anywhere but here" seems like it'd be better, but all that baggage you just bring with you.

The aqcuirint company probably don't expect you to be super passionate after their takeover, so they shouldn't object. Even if they do, the worst that could happen is probably that they knock off a chunk of your earnout package, you'll probably make much more than if you simply leave now.

If money is not the issue at all then you should definitely leave as soon as you can. There is absolutely no point in being miserable if it doesn't pay off big time. You already did something awesome, be proud of that and move on with good conscience!