Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

I'm in a somewhat similar situation. Almost 29, graduated as an Electronics Engineer two years ago. I've been through many problems and it took 9 years to complete. I might be stupid and stubborn not to do something else, but I wanted to do it.

I live in a country where, when I wanted to buy electronics parts online (because they weren't available here), they were stuck in customs and I was asked to provide documents from college to attest I was an Electronics Engineering student, and to get that document, I had to brawl because the college administration lost my document and I had to persist to get them to find it. I mean, even finding someone to make a quality PCB, I had to look very hard because there seems to be one shop that does it (in a city of 5 million people). Buying online required a MasterCard and getting one alone was challenging (challenging enough I started a blog and wrote an article to inform people how to get one. More than 200,000 visitors and 700 comments in two years). So it may seem like whining for a lot of people, but there are so many things people take for granted you have to fight for and waste a lot of time to find here.

My friend is a dental surgeon with quite a lot of success. Yesterday, he was telling me how prosthetics and other things that cost like +2000 Euros in Europe cost about 200 Euros here. Naturally, I asked him why aren't there foreigners who come here if the deal is that good. He said unless they teleport, go to the dentist, and teleport back again to their country, the deal isn't that good. There's no "Healthcare tourism logistics". Hotels are crappy and expensive, non-crappy hotels are expensive, visas take forever, and the logistics that would make it a bargain are just not there yet. It'd cost the same.

One of the main problems is the country has negative economic complexity. We don't make things and it makes for systemic problems.. There's no electronics industry, too much bureaucracy. I was to be hired by a big oilfield services company that'd offer training and a stamp of approval on my résumé for subsequent jobs, but they had problems and downsized and I wasn't hired. Social proof is powerful: you weren't hired before, so we won't hire you.

You'd read on job offerings, it's either companies that require 5+ years experience, or companies accepting junior/entry level/recent graduate and once you check the requirements, the stack is huge (Mastery of C, C++, JAVA, .NET, Python, Web development, Oracle, Cisco certified) for an entry level job of a recent graduate. Without training provided.

I started programming since I was 9 years old, disassembled software at 14 to unlock their potential, but have done it intermittently in a variety of languages (from BASIC to x86 assembly to Python) and touched a lot of things, but haven't stuck to just one single thing I can be an expert in. So naturally, I get interested in Python and try to do a project in it, I hit a roadblock in that project, I do a second project in Python and maybe let it go. I'm also interested in other things. By the time there's something up, my skills have diminished and I'm not "operational right now". I know a bit about a lot and would know where to start to learn something specific, but it just doesn't fly with companies today.

From an employer's perspective, I'm just a 29 year old with no experience. Time flies and it gets harder both financially and morally. Companies other than multinationals offer salaries that don't even cover transportation. I think about projects and ideas and started working on a few which didn't work out. I won't lie to you: after all those problems and the zero accomplishment I have to show for at 29, it takes me mustering every ounce of mental strength not to break down and face reality every single day. It's hard to resist letting yourself go into accepting you're a loser when you check every criteria and every single one of them just saps your self esteem.

It could always be worse, though. So hang in there. I read, think, and learn about a lot of things. I help my friends, I try to spend some time with the family. I try to improve in any way I can (whether time management or cognitive skills, and recently on problem solving for I have a problem :) ).

I am 39. I feel this way every few years. I look back on the previous few years and realize that the ideas/goals that I had, I did not accomplish. I then start to look for new ways to accomplish them. I still have a 8-5 that I need to pay my bills.

So I start with the 1 hour a day idea. Goto work, come home, eat dinner with the family. Then I get 1 hour to do whatever I want. No interruptions.

Then, well, it is Friday, perhaps I can take my 1 hour and goto bed an hour later, now I have 2 hours.

Saturday and Sunday, maybe I can do 4 hours.

Oh, back to Monday - Thursday, 1 hour.

This makes me feel that: 1. maintaining my 8-5. Bills paid. Wife is happy. 2. I have time each and every day for my goals/ideas. Some more than others. 3. I am making forward progress. 4. I don't think about my 8-5 holding me back, because it isn't anymore.

What do I do during my time: 1. code 2. EDM 3. read about things that interest me.

When I was struggling years ago with an 8-5 that I hated but needed to keep. I bought a good pair of headphones and I used them everyday. I felt that it kept me motivated (I could pump though them any type of music I wanted, mood dependent) and it kept me a bit isolated from co-workers and I could just focus on work. Sometimes distractions cause you to be stressed because it increases the time it takes and therefor you feel behind in your day instead of on pace.

One last thought. Can you get some exercise? For me, if I can I just feel better.

Keep your chin up!

Consider the types of goals you have pursued, what effect these have had on you, and those you'd like to pursue:

http://slatestarcodex.com/2016/07/18/pushing-and-pulling-goa...

It's becoming neglected at this point, but the archives are solid: http://thelastpsychiatrist.com

Helps one cultivate a little perspective and introspection.

Maybe read Yates' Revolutionary Road. TL;DR is that having a self image and/or dreams that don't match your actual ambition, commitment, and situation is fucking poisonous. Read the novel though, if you've got time.

Think about how you can be happy. Like, what happiness even is or would be for you. Consider consulting: Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, Epicurus and other Epicureans, Ecclesiastes. Try Eastern sources if you like, but be aware it's much harder to sort the wheat from the crystal-healing-easy-zen chaff than it is with Western works. Don't expect too much with anything short of a sustained, intense, difficult struggle over years or decades—in other words, lower your the expectations of what you'll get out part-time work on material aimed at monks who immersed themselves in this stuff all the time. It can be really good even just dipping your toes in it, but don't expect magic or quick solutions—or solutions at all, for that matter.

Hang in there, this will past. Take what makes sense to you from these comments; they are helpful. However it may seem otherwise, you do not have to be rich to follow your dreams. You can find a way to jump up out of bed each morning and say and mean(most days anyway) "I get to do this again today!" If you do not have a spouse or children, wait on that until you get the work you want. If you do have family this will work, but with family you are not making decisions just for yourself; you will need to include them in this process. The key is to find first what you like. This takes work. We bury what we like deep inside so we won't be disappointed if we do not get it----but then we do not get what we really want and nothing is more of a bummer than that. Second, apply what you like to some work. And third, put the work first, not the money or the praise, first, because now it is what you really want. This takes effort and experiment and great willingness, but I have seen it work in so many people. Finding what you like is not like . or just like preferences; it is much deeper call to your insides. Learn how to be introspective, how to look at yourself and your own mind. There is where the answer is to what you seek.

This is known as being a locum physician. I know some young doctors choose to do this for a while because of the experience they gain from the added responsibilities that come with an isolated location.