Not asking a questions.
Curiosity or lack of understanding of topic is great opportunity to learn new things. And also put my ego on side.
Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?
881–890 of 1001 posts
Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?
#882Not telling my friends that I love them. I was 28 the first time a friend told me "I love you" in a pure friendship way (and while sober), and without being a part of a special situation. I've also done it afterwards, and because I had never told my friend i love them, it made the message even stronger. It feels wrong that we don't do this more often.
I don’t feel comfortable telling people I love them outside of a serious relationship, so this always makes me feel a touch weird. Like, my best friends, I love them in a sense I guess…but I wouldn’t say that. It just doesn’t feel natural to me. I’d characterize our relationship as close, and that I care about them a lot, but “love” isn’t something that comes to mind outside of my parents or someone I’ve been in a lo…
It sounds like you have normal and healthy relationships. I doubt they'll improve if you just start saying I Love You and I doubt they need to improve.
Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?
#883Not waking up earlier to the fact that the meat section in the supermarket is a product of systemic, gruesome torture of intelligent beings. Like probably many of you who read this, I usually felt a bit guilty when I was confronted with the ugly facts we are all vaguely familiar with. I justified my meat consumption with specieist arguments (humans are so much better than pigs, cows, etc). My wife challenged me to wa…
This is something I am guilty of ignoring. My excuse is protein. How do you get enough?
Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?
#884Not going to a therapist because of fear of social stigma.
Tbh, people can use this to reductively explain your behavior. I learned that easy way, but the therapist advised me from the beginning to stay, well, not silent, but selective about it. I didn’t and some people tended to ignore my arguments for “that’s anxiety and depression speaking” or something along the lines. Ask yours about it next time.
Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?
#885Not my entire life, but competing with my girlfriend/wife. Trying to win arguments instead of trying to solve the problem. Holding onto resentments instead of letting them go. We used to have huge arguements all the time, it took having a kid together to finally hammer it into my head that we are on the same team, we need to work together. Since then we've had 2 kids under 2 during covid and barely argued in 4 years
This reminds me of an article I read some time ago written by a house wife. In it, she admitted to verbally abusing her husband and demeaning his intelligence. When he'd do things like accidentally put colors in the wrong wash, she would chew him out and belittle him for not doing it right. And of course he felt ashamed and uncomfortable sharing his trivial mistakes with his wife. Then one time she left his tools out…
Absolutely. People are human,and to be human is to make mistakes. You can't claim to love someone if you can't accept them for their imperfection and extend to them the same grace you allow yourself for your own mishaps and fuckups.
Back a long time ago, about a year into my relationship, my partner managed to spill an entire crockpot of apple cider all over the backseat of my car she was borrowing to take to a friend's place. I reminded her several times to make sure to shut it tight and to secure it somewhere on the floor in the middle of the rest of her stuff so it wouldn't tip and spill.
Of course she didn't do any of that and it got absolutely all over my seats and was a sticky gross mess. I later heard she spent the whole rest of the night over there fretting and worrying about how mad I was gonna be when she got home. And she was literally dumbstruck when my only response was "Alright no worries, sounds good" when she'd gotten back and offered to pay to get the interior detailed after explaining what happened.
"Aren't you mad," she asked and I just said "Not really, it's fixable and you already said you'd fix it, not much to be mad about."
Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?
#886I used to always stand up to wipe. At one point in my adult life, there was a conversation and I realized everyone else does not do this. Then I tried wiping while sitting down. So much easier.
I've tried both. Standing is clearly easier.
There are three main parameters: stand/sit, front-to-back/back-to-front, front-access/reverse-access (i.e. between the legs or behind the back)
Back-to-front is a health risk for 50% of us, and just a bit gross for the rest. So rule that out.
Wiping hand between the legs is awkward and requires that the thumb (a notoriously larger-than-the-other-digits digit) is used as the primary wiping vane.
Sit + wiping hand behind the back + wipe front to back allows use of the index finger, but requires an awkward lean and lift of one cheek to gain access.
Stand + wiping hand behind the back + wipe front to back is, therefore, the only sensible option. Additionally it makes checking the bowlean return value indicated on the paper much easier.
Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?
#887Not getting my dog professionally trained. I spent the money to send him to a proper board and train, and it was life changing. Our relationship is better. He is happier and less stressed. I was able to take him off sedatives. Plus it's cool to have a dog with perfect recall that I can take anywhere without worrying. If you can afford it, I can't recommend finding a reputable balanced trainer more highly.
My fear for this is that they "train the owner". Is that your experience?
Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?
#888When my then-gf/now-wife and I first moved in together, I got really mad at her because she kept "hiding" my stuff when I left it out for more than a day. I couldn't find anything! At some point, I yelled, "It's like you don't even want to see any of my things when I'm not using them!" Then I stopped for a second. For the first time in my life, it made sense. The whole point of putting things away is to hide them! No…
>The whole point of putting things away is to hide them! No one wants to look at your crap when you're not using it. Well, there is another reason. When your room has a consistent default state, it's easier to look around the room and notice anything that is unusual. It makes the room into a sort of sensor. When it is always changing states — things here one day, there another — any changes can be missed. Subconsciou…
This is so wise. My house is hopelessly cluttered. When I need to find, say, my wallet before I leave, it can be a frustrating episode if I haven't put it in its canonical home.
Yet compare that to if I'm staying in a hotel. I just look around on the 5 surfaces -- nightstand, dresser, desk, bathroom counter, bingo, of course it was in one of those places and it sticks out obviously. 10 seconds max.
Devil's in the details of course, and I haven't yet been able to declutter, but I intuitively know you're right.
Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?
#889When my then-gf/now-wife and I first moved in together, I got really mad at her because she kept "hiding" my stuff when I left it out for more than a day. I couldn't find anything! At some point, I yelled, "It's like you don't even want to see any of my things when I'm not using them!" Then I stopped for a second. For the first time in my life, it made sense. The whole point of putting things away is to hide them! No…
My wife and I have a rule, "everything needs to have a home." Because if it doesn't have a home, it becomes clutter, and after enough clutter, it finds a home... usually a sub-optimal one, like a junk drawer. The kids (4 and 5) have adapted to this wonderfully. It really helps them. It makes cleanup a trivial task because everything is known to belong somewhere specific. Related to this: the recognition that everythi…
My housemates (a couple) have this problem. Since others having moved out, they seem to have expanded to fill any available space in the house.
They take up more cupboard and bench space around the house then the additional 2 people did before.
Makes it challenging in a house to find space when you need it, if it's already filled simply because there was a free space.
Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?
#890Not my whole life but stuff I’ve discovered: Realizing that sitting for 8 to 12 hours per day coding is catastrophic for my health. Understanding the incredibly high and hidden cost of conflict and anger. Films romanticize fighting the good fight. Avoiding a fight (legal, arguments, etc) until you absolutely can’t is worth a lot. Creativity and intellectual progress happen in a quiet relaxed and happy environment. Le…
I agree with most of these. This one needs to be careful though
> Yoga fixes lifelong back pain that drugs, swimming obsessively, chiropractors and workouts could not fix.
I'm healing a back problem that Yoga would definitely just make it worse