Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#831

Post by saimiam » Fri, Jan 16, 2026, 1:19 PM UTC

Llamamoe wrote: post #640

neilk wrote: post #438

You have to be the one who creates things to do. Really, that’s it. You want to play D&D together, you host and DM. You want to just hang out, you reach out and propose what you’re doing. You want more purposeful and meaningful time, join a volunteer group you vibe with. Even if it’s meeting for coffee. You have to be the one who reaches out. You have to do it on a regular cadence. If, like me, you don’t have little…

Personal solutions to systemic problems are not solutions. Yours is great advice for the few people able to take it to heart, find the motivation, and succeed, but you cannot solve societal problems at any kind of scale this way.

Just like you aren’t in traffic, you are traffic, you aren’t part of the society, you are society.

Every idea like “let’s have icecream socials at..” started as one person’s pipe dream which they then acted on and executed. No one is coming to rescue us. There’s no secret hand guiding humankind.

You definitely can’t solve loneliness for society but you can solve loneliness for your immediate circle by organising activities and that’s already a huge improvement.

In contrast, sitting back and saying this needs to be solved at a higher level does nothing at all.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#832

Post by hobofan » Fri, Jan 16, 2026, 1:21 PM UTC

mft_ wrote: post #826

defo10 wrote: post #780

I‘m a cofounder of a German loneliness startup. My core insight is that loneliness often stems from a badly adjusted internal social threat function ( f(social event)=perceived threat ). This function runs subconsciously all day long. From talking to strangers to reaching out to a friend, the lonely mind is much more aware of negative outcomes, so your mind protects you by telling you things like „I don’t talk to str…

You're probably far ahead of me on this topic, but as an immigrant to Germany for some years now, living with a German partner, I'm convinced that Germany (at least, Bavaria) has its own specific cultural norms that makes socialising far more challenging than is my experience in other countries. I can't explain why , but I observe a more insular (i.e. family- and existing-close-circle-focused) attitude, and also a si…

As a German, I very much share those observations, and it seems to be underdiscussed and not that apparent to most people here.

The German social scheduling culture can definitely be a viscous circle, where everyone having to plan their calendar in advance forces everyone else to plan even further in advance if they want to have a chance to meet up.

I do think it's probably felt the strongest for adults between ~18-35, where your circle of friends spreads out across the country/surrounding cities/world, and any get together necessitates travel. After that, when people settle down (potentially have children) they usually form new circles of friends that are more local again with more opportunities for spontaneous meetings.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#833

Post by m_dupont » Fri, Jan 16, 2026, 1:34 PM UTC

publicdebates wrote: post #819

defo10 wrote: post #780

I‘m a cofounder of a German loneliness startup. My core insight is that loneliness often stems from a badly adjusted internal social threat function ( f(social event)=perceived threat ). This function runs subconsciously all day long. From talking to strangers to reaching out to a friend, the lonely mind is much more aware of negative outcomes, so your mind protects you by telling you things like „I don’t talk to str…

I'm extremely skeptical of financial solutions to this problem. One of the most fundamental reasons for my own personal loneliness is that, in many of the connections I've made, they simply do not feel sincere, genuine, authentic, and simply because the other person clearly has a different motivation for "caring" about me than actually caring about me. For example, the churchgoers I've met have always felt like they…

I say this with the best of intentions: that cynicism of yours will keep you lonely

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#834

Post by davidguetta » Fri, Jan 16, 2026, 1:35 PM UTC

Put the smartphone down in the evening

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#835

Post by susiecambria » Fri, Jan 16, 2026, 1:36 PM UTC

I've not looked at the research associated with the Friendship Bench [1] or UK Men's Sheds [2] -- evaluations or data associated with the model's development -- but I would be surprised if either relied only on individual action. Meaning, the resource is there but participation relies heavily or solely on an individual taking affirmative action to join.

I agree with others that individual initiative is important for connections to be made, but I struggle with imagining how people find out about what the opportunities are. Certainly, there's been a ton of work on social isolation, community connections, whatever you call it, and at some point I need to dive in.

This space needs a lot of investment as well as evaluation of initiatives. I worked in nonprofit land in the US for years and from my limited view of the landscape, way more work is needed to determine what works and fund that and not fund efforts that take no initiative to show their effectiveness.

[1] https://www.friendship-bench.org/ [2] https://menssheds.org.uk/

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#836

Post by Bjartr » Fri, Jan 16, 2026, 1:44 PM UTC

defo10 wrote: post #780

I‘m a cofounder of a German loneliness startup. My core insight is that loneliness often stems from a badly adjusted internal social threat function ( f(social event)=perceived threat ). This function runs subconsciously all day long. From talking to strangers to reaching out to a friend, the lonely mind is much more aware of negative outcomes, so your mind protects you by telling you things like „I don’t talk to str…

This seems like an important insight. The other top comments are about what individuals can do to improve their situation. That's absolutely valuable advice, but is at its core a solution of the form of "this wouldn't be a problem if only everyone would just...", which is never actually a solution.

What you're describing here is an answer to the question "why aren't people 'just' being more social".

Certainly too, social media has played a big hand in this, but for many people, myself included, these activities feel high-risk, with a low probability of reward. Regardless of the correctness of the perceptions that have led to this feeling, the feeling exists and it is becoming more and more pervasive across society. And, like most problems centered on feelings, "have you tried not feeling that way?" is rarely, though not never, effective.

I actually have an interesting story here. For a couple of years I found a third place for myself in VRChat. It was great, I made friends, I spent time socializing for its own sake on a daily basis for hours. But something changed over time. I'll hop on now, look at each person on my friends list, look at private and public rooms I can join, and instead of being able to just jump in, the same feelings of "this is high-risk" that hold me back IRL result in me closing the game after ten minutes or so.

So what exactly happened? My theory is that, being a completely new "kind" of space, my brain didn't see the choices as "social" in the same way as IRL. But over time it relearned the same lessons in this new context, driving me away from social interaction.

Why? What are the unconscious lessons I learned, and why did I learn them? What have I unintentionally internalized that turned an enjoyable, effective, low-stakes virtual third place into an emotional slog that incentivizes self isolation in the same way IRL socializing does?

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#837

Post by rpsw » Fri, Jan 16, 2026, 1:49 PM UTC

incomingpain wrote: post #191

Loneliness epidemic started 30+ years ago. There were books written in the 90s about it(bowling alone). Nothing modern can be blamed on it. If anything, social media is helping the crisis; not causing. The 'fixes' has been established for just as long. My nearby 'community centre' was built in 1987. Has this been successful at all? Not in the least bit. The reality of what is causing this hasnt changed. Without fixin…

Why are you refusing to state the cause?

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#838

Post by delis-thumbs-7e » Fri, Jan 16, 2026, 1:51 PM UTC

elric wrote: post #745

delis-thumbs-7e wrote: post #743

From wikipedia: ” An epidemic (from Greek ἐπί epi "upon or above" and δῆμος demos "people") is the rapid spread of disease to a large number of hosts in a given population within a short period of time.” As with covid, individual actions are not enough to stop the spread of the epidemic. You need vaccinations, health education, public policy etc. not just individual actions, so ”go dancing” and ”talk to people” doesn…

> Seems strange to me that at this site from the whole internet people don’t seem to see the connection between the raise of new technologies and lonelines (with a host of other mental health/social issues). And therefore this is the one problem the nerds don’t seem to be able to solve… It doesn't seem that strange that a website with a few thousand geeks isn't able to solve a global phenomenon by commenting on an ar…

You missed my point. You cannot find a solution to a problem if you don’t first correctly analyse the problem. My criticism lies in the fact that most answers (not all however) analye the problem from an individualistic point of view, not from the systemic, ignoring the technological aspect. Which is a bit ironic one must say.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#839

Post by asgerhb » Fri, Jan 16, 2026, 1:53 PM UTC

The question is about systemic solutions:

- Invest in 3rd places:

· Zoning that allows small businesses and cafés to be near where people live.

· Invest heavily in public libraries.

· Invest in public parks and spaces. For places where it rains a lot, maybe that should include roofed structures.

· Increase and promote funding for social organisations. Give money to orgs for every member.

- Create more free time:

· Make legislation that accommodates and promotes work weeks shorter than 37 hours.

· Ensure decent and reliable support for people who cannot (find) work, so their time is freed up to support their community.

- In disaster readiness checklists, include a point about knowing the names and special needs of your neighbours.

- Invest in mental health services. Both serious stuff and some light-weight sit-and-talk-groups.

- Set up laws that promote public transportation and carpooling.

- Anti-trust social media companies. Promote competitive compatibility between social media platforms. This is to let consumers choose the services that give them the best outcomes.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#840

Post by tclancy » Fri, Jan 16, 2026, 1:53 PM UTC

publicdebates wrote: post #473

neilk wrote: post #438

You have to be the one who creates things to do. Really, that’s it. You want to play D&D together, you host and DM. You want to just hang out, you reach out and propose what you’re doing. You want more purposeful and meaningful time, join a volunteer group you vibe with. Even if it’s meeting for coffee. You have to be the one who reaches out. You have to do it on a regular cadence. If, like me, you don’t have little…

Sure, but this only works as advice for people who you can talk to, such as me. I'm not trying to solve my loneliness, my own personal goal is to find ways to reach out to people who sit alone all day, and are dying from loneliness, and the only way to reach them is to catch them as they walk on the way to the grocery store, and hold up a sign that they can read. The question in my mind is, what next? So far, I've on…

This isn’t quite true. I’m in the last stages of organizing a record club (basically a book club with a much lower commitment) and I started by talking to a small handful of close friends who I knew were music nerds because I am picky and shy by nature and the most annoying thing is how many people got wind of it and wanted in. People are starving for these sorts of things. Try. Fail. It’s ok, it’s just going to take a couple of us to make a few hits and we can start to sew some of the fabric of society back together.