Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

801–810 of 890 posts

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#801

Post by jacquesm »

hownottowrite wrote: post #765
jacquesm wrote: post #399

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Can you buy them out? That would be one way to kill the nuisance and find some more joy in what it looks like your self-respect forces you to do.

One yes and the other no. It’s a rather complicated, self-inflicted situation. Cleaning up the mess would definitely raise the joy factor. I’ve been working for awhile to find a mutually acceptable solution but we are at an impasse. So, I can get a bigger bite of the apple but probably never get the whole thing.

Ok, then you should offer them to buy you out at the same valuation at which you would be happy to buy them out. And if they don't want to accept that you have to walk.

Keep in mind that your loyalty to your customers and your employees can and will be used against you if you don't put your foot down and put some kind of ultimatum on the table.

Then they can choose between having money in their pocket or a large chunk of nothing at all.

Best of luck with all this!

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#802

Post by vietvu »

alangibson wrote: post #79

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…

Well said. I have been thinking like you and OP: never wanted to settled down , didn't want to be tied down to anything.

Now, I have married, and planning to get a child. I kind of gave up and let wherever life/fate lead me to.

However, I still feel lost. Just too busy with worries to think about it every hour like before. I feel terrible because I feel like I have surrendered life.

At least I don't have time to think about it as much; whether it is an improvement or not, I don't know.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#803

Post by contingencies »

learc83 wrote: post #311
diamondage wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd add that it's about detail - if you thin slice reality for efficiency, reality becomes more simplistic. But you can also discover infinitely more detail. walking into a library reveals that there is an infinite amount of things to know, and there are all kinds of differences between two similar glasses of wine etc. Perhaps its more about the spare energy of the individual available for learning and discovery

Exactly. The way I think about it is that anything is interesting if studied in enough detail. A single square inch of lawn could provide material for multiple PhDs.

Added as Learc's Lamentation to https://github.com/globalcitizen/taoup

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#804

Post by m_abdelfattah »

hughrr wrote: post #132

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marat…

Going to the gym and progressing in any sport made a huge difference for me.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#805

Post by joconde »

dasil003 wrote: post #494
joconde wrote: post #360

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> You don't flip from being extrovert to introvert just because you have a time in your life where you prefer to be alone. Extroverts don't become introverts while grieving the death of a loved one. These are hypotheses that I wouldn't rely on to give advice. It could discourage someone who is dissatisfied with themselves from trying to change. Who says it's impossible? Your personal experience, or observing people a…

I believe GP is talking about the definition of the word, not commenting on human limitations.

They claim that "You don't flip from being extrovert to introvert just because [...]", so their definition implies that people's ability to switch from one to the other is limited. I don't think that's a reasonable thing to claim without evidence.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#806

Post by fullstackchris »

throwawayben wrote: post #89

Just turned 35. Suffering very similarly, though minus the savings. I saw a therapist for 2 years which helped a little and got me to the point where I realised I needed to get out of London, as it felt impossible to build deep relationships. So I recently moved to a much smaller city and am making new friends and connections here and trying to build these relationships much deeper than I have in the past. I think it…

I can say from experience that teaching / tutoring is extremely rewarding, even when you do it for free. Harkens back to those days when we were starting out and getting super frustrated. Try and be the teacher you wish you'd had back then and watch the lights go on when they finally grok a concept :)

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#807

Post by playing_colours »

gexla wrote: post #149
Digit-Al wrote: post #72

Firstly, stop this rubbish about getting old; with current life expectancies I wouldn't even consider someone middle aged until they are their forties. Old is probably late sixties to seventies. You still have a long way to go :-) Secondly, stop trying to define your life by "achieving". I know this is a difficult one, I'm still (sort of) struggling with this one. Achievements are ephemeral. Only an incredibly tiny m…

This is a great answer, and similar to mine. I feel there are a couple of things which happen around 35. - As a child, you feel special. At 35, it's as if you have been out so far from receiving presents from Santa that you sort of cross the heliosphere into interstellar space. You're no longer special. You're no longer the future in this society which has drilled into us the idea of (if you're from the US) American…

Thank you for this post, it strongly resonates with me. I recently went through the breaking point you were talking about.

I think experiencing both disillusionment in being someone special, and realisation of the freedom to choose what I want to do myself while recognising and deliberately taking responsibilities that define my boundaries were a big step forward in my life.

What helped you to pass through this change? Any books, teachings, meditation, etc?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#808

Post by CRConrad »

k8sToGo wrote: post #466
jacquesm wrote: post #407

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I also wonder what a child would think that read that.

Which part?

Maybe didn't mean you, but the GP's "I have a hard time to see any relevance in a life without children anymore. This might be complete bs but certainly floats my boat." That sounds like it could make a kid think "So they didn't have me for my sake, just so they could find 'relevance' in their life".

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#809

Post by agent008t »

dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

Deciding to have children when you are lost and miserable on the off chance that it will solve your problems sounds like a terrible idea.

With this reasoning, you might as well just get as big a mortgage as you can get instead. It will also give you a "meaning in life" - freeing yourself from the debt burden - and keep you busy for the next 30 years. At least you won't be gambling with a newly created life.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#810

Post by chaoz_ »

dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

I think you have a good actionable advice. I would highlight that it's important to get your own life in order before you decide to get kids. It's a great responsibility after all and it should not be done only because "I'm trying to find my place in life".

Obviously, HN readers are well aware of it, but (mental) health is the best start.

Post reply on HN