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Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#81

Post by AstralStorm »

scop wrote: post #29

Four thoughts: 1. I've developed a analog->digital path for my kids. Before they can get a music player, they get a CD player. Before they get video games, they get board games. And then, for video games, before they get Super Mario Odyssey they get the original Super Mario Bros. Each of these "first they get" is a long period. Years long. Give them something that has limitations so they can truly explore it. Find th…

This is way too slow and thus will be only effective in baiting your kids to try it early or harder. Or give them an anti-tech superiority complex which is counterproductive.

I'd say you need to start actually explaining how things work on these more advanced platforms immediately, as well as healthy patterns in use so they do not get sucked into it forever. And that these things are tools. It can be done ELI3, though it's not easy. There are resources abound.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#82

Post by tootie »

My kids aren't interested but as far as I can tell it doesn't have a huge impact on kids. And I don't believe there's any convincing research to support it's dangers. I tell my kids to not believe everything they see online but that's about it.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#83

Post by gameman144 »

webdood90 wrote: post #70
qwerpy wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to judge parents who resorted to tablets to keep their children quiet. I don't really anymore. You don't know how exhausted the parents might be or how many hours they've already spent trying to entertain their kids in a more wholesome manner. I've taken a 2 year old on vacation and some of that time is spent going to unique restaurants that take a couple of hours for a meal. My toddler would get bored and squ…

Man, if you don't want to deal with the challenges of children, why have kids? I don't lie to myself, I know I couldn't do it and I didn't. Maybe you just don't get to go out for dinner or ride on planes until they don't need to be hypnotized with a screen? You know it's bad for them but you're putting your comforts and freedoms above theirs and everybody else's. I can't help but feel like the next generation has bee…

I feel like this mindset is part of why so many people are nervous about having kids, and I couldn't disagree with it more.

Your kid is not an optimization problem, they're a part of your family. If you want to do something unique that's going to bore your kids, it's fine to give them something to do; a half hour of screen time while you enjoy that fancy restaurant while traveling is fine. Your kid will be fine.

Sometimes you should put your comforts and freedoms above your kid's. You are not their servant, you are your own person who has your own wants and needs, and those get to win out sometimes. If your kid throws a tantrum when you're in an art museum, yeah, try to discipline them and calm them down and teach them. If you have a rare opportunity to visit a museum you've always wanted to, though, then it's fine to lose a battle or two here or there if the alternative is missing out on unique experiences that you value.

There are sacrifices to being a parent for sure, but the mindset that it's taboo to allow anything to happen that's not immediately in the best long-term developmental interest of your child is mind-boggling to me. Don't raise your kids in front of screens, but being a parent isn't some phase change that means you have to abandon all your interests and dreams and desires; it just means there's one more person whose interests and dreams and desires you have to care about now.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#84

Post by garrickvanburen »

Trasmatta wrote: post #77

Sometimes I feel grief about the fact that I will almost certainly never have kids, but then I also feel immense relief that I don't have to navigate the extremely complex challenge of raising them in the modern world.

once moral panic is subtracted out, it's not actually that complex.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#85

Post by jorts »

webdood90 wrote: post #70
qwerpy wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to judge parents who resorted to tablets to keep their children quiet. I don't really anymore. You don't know how exhausted the parents might be or how many hours they've already spent trying to entertain their kids in a more wholesome manner. I've taken a 2 year old on vacation and some of that time is spent going to unique restaurants that take a couple of hours for a meal. My toddler would get bored and squ…

Man, if you don't want to deal with the challenges of children, why have kids? I don't lie to myself, I know I couldn't do it and I didn't. Maybe you just don't get to go out for dinner or ride on planes until they don't need to be hypnotized with a screen? You know it's bad for them but you're putting your comforts and freedoms above theirs and everybody else's. I can't help but feel like the next generation has bee…

Don’t judge until you’ve been there. Screens are more of a last resort for my family but we do use them. We avoid most activities where kids will bore quickly but it’s impossible to avoid all situations like that.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#86

Post by ericmcer »

ikiris wrote: post #66
ozim wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Gorilla in the room are other f*ng parents. You can prevent as much as you want but then kids go to school nd everyone else has accounts they should not have or devices they should not have and your kids are angry at you because now you are the bad guy.

“Devices or accounts they should not have” Just because you think your kids should be limited to the Bible or no phones or no social media or no d&d or whatever arbitrary limits / moral panic you impose, does not extend those limits to other kids in any moral fashion. Those kids have full rights to have whatever they have and you are indeed the bad guy for your arbitrary limits if they are not common or inhibiting so…

What there is 100% a precedent for prohibiting certain activities from minors because their brains are undeveloped.

In the future we will view a child spending hours a day on Tiktok how we currently view a kid smoking cigarettes. It is creating an entire generation of anxious, ADHD addled kids who struggle with school and focused work of any kind.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#87

Post by jorts »

tmn wrote: post #48
strix_varius wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Every week since she was about six months old, I've taken my daughter with me to get groceries. She's absolutely fascinated by the grocery store: the rolling cart, the colors and textures of produce ("ta-to!"), the other shoppers, the illustrations on packaging ("bear!"). I hand her items and give her their names. She shakes them, rotates them, repeats their names back to me. But every time we go, I see at least one…

Ahh I just had to share that my 1 year old daughter also loves the grocery store. She doesn't want to leave the cart when it's time to go. Thanks for the comment.

Especially if they have a cart that’s a car or train.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#88

Post by AstralStorm »

nineplay wrote: post #69

I don't think this is a good place to go in with hard and fast rules. Every kid is different, everything change. What your kid wants and needs may be different from everyone else. Having said that, my broad rule is to keep my kid from any social media where their peers rank them and give feedback. No FB, no Instagram, they can't host their own youtube channel, etc. That is where self-esteem goes to die. I don't think…

Or you could explain to them how people tend to lie on these sites about how they are.

Throttling it for very small kids is a maybe. Real name and other anti-dox stuff is also a good practice.

However you do need to also yeah kids that not everyone there is a predator or evil with examples, or they will get digital anxiety.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#89

Post by Trasmatta »

garrickvanburen wrote: post #84
Trasmatta wrote: post #77

Sometimes I feel grief about the fact that I will almost certainly never have kids, but then I also feel immense relief that I don't have to navigate the extremely complex challenge of raising them in the modern world.

once moral panic is subtracted out, it's not actually that complex.

How does moral panic factor into this? I don't think being worried about the effects of technology on children is a moral panic.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#90

Post by M4v3R »

9rx wrote: post #61
Desafinado wrote: post #6

A good start is to avoid giving them a smartphone until they're in high school. And once they have a smartphone require them to get permission from you before installing any social media apps, with consequences if they don't follow the rules (take the phone away). Make the consequences known up front, rather than reactive so they know the guidelines regarding their phone use. And whatever you do DO NOT give your chil…

> I are seeing parents give their two year olds a tablet which is absolutely detrimental to their development. My kid couldn't care less about using a tablet or other device if there is any other activity on the table. In other words, for them to reach the point of using, I have to be completely ignoring them. Is it really the device that leads to developmental detriment, or parents who aren't involved in their child…

Just because your child has been this way does not mean everyone’s is. I have a 3 year old and even though I have been very strict about screen time (tv or phone) - she watched her first cartoon just months before 2nd birthday - from the very beginning screens were hypnotizing for her. She would stop whatever she was doing once a screen was playing nearby. No amount of entertainment I would provide would make her look away. So it’s good for you that you don’t have this problem, but from my experience and from talking to others this is definitely a struggle for many.
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