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Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

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Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#81

Post by twodave »

It’s healthy to grieve things we regret. Let yourself feel that loss and process it. If you’re struggling to do so, then seek professional help, because nobody here can really give you personally-relevant advice.

For the future, dig into yourself and find out what need you were trying to meet by wasting all that time. Maybe it wasn’t 100% a waste, but maybe also there are healthier ways to meet those needs.

Most of all, choose to live with a free conscience for today. It sounds like you’ve already made some admirable changes, but remember you are in control only of what you do today. Let tomorrow worry about itself.

As for me, I had a similar childhood to yours it sounds like. I spent nearly all my waking hours playing video games as a teenager. I eventually picked up guitar and became a bit more social through that hobby. But I was still basically addicted to video games (and porn). It caused a lot of pain early in my marriage (married at 22). I’m 37 now, and when I look back I see a lot of mistakes still, but a lot of growth, too.

I managed with God’s help to save my marriage, kept my family together, and my early background in computers has translated into a very stable lifestyle for my family to enjoy. They’re my mission now. That’s what really helped me change my priorities. I found something more important than following my vices to work on.

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#83

Post by cmoski »

Xeoncross wrote: post #62
fnordpiglet wrote: post #41

Everything you do is ultimately pointless. You feel that becoming a particular type of engineer you aspire to is meaningful, but once you get there you’ll realize you’re still yourself and you didn’t ascend to some higher level of being. Probably the most meaningful thing we can do is through social interactions. Your time in WoW must have incorporated social interactions. Be proud of those experiences - they’re in n…

> Everything you do is ultimately pointless > the most meaningful thing we can do is through social interactions Clearly you can see the contrast here. I agree that people are far more important than anything else. I am also among the majority of worldviews on earth who do not consider 'everything is pointless'.

The point is that everything is meaningless in the absolute sense but on the personal level, we create our own meaning.

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#84

Post by graderjs »

You're 23. Just think how relatively bad it would be if you were 38 thinking this. You're young. Plenty of time. Keep taking risks. Be grateful you recognize this now, and trust the process. Everything happens at the right time. The dots make sense looking backward, you have to trust that, but may not make sense looking forward, to paraphrase Steve Jobs commencement speech, which I think you should watch right now. It's inspiring to hear someone share this at such a young age, because I think of all the cool things that you'll do now, that you realize the value of time. But the motivation has to come from you, intrinsically, can't come from wanting to emulate or a type of FOMO jealousy of some "hero" types...tho do be inspired, don't be driven by a sense of comparative inadequacy, is what I'm saying in this my last point to you now, be driven by your own sense of wonder. Love to hear you share this! :) ;p xx ;p

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hd_ptbiPoXM

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#85

Post by nvln »

Nothing you do is pointless if you had fun doing it. Think of life as a landscape to explore with peaks, plains and valleys. Every person gets their own uniquely generated landscape.

Life goes in phases based on age, events, crises etc. At each phase you need to figure out what is important for _you_. It could be a well defined purpose or it could be something vague like being happy or being with someone. You do your best to make that thing work and reward yourself for your efforts not for results. Learn from failures and celebrate the fuck out of successes. Within your limits, if possible, help people around you accomplish what they set out to do.

Life can take weird turns and luck plays a big part. It is self-inflicted suffering to evaluate your past or your present based on things that you didn't set out to do. So, like most of the comments say don't measure your life with others' accomplishments or failures.

Looks like you had a fantastic childhood playing games that you wanted to play, you survived hard obstacles to achieve what you set out to do - get into university, I presume you are working hard to finish it. You are living your life very well.

If you are inspired by John Carmack, set your goals for the next phase of your life based on his achievements but you are not in a race with John Carmack (or anyone else). You cannot have a race with someone when their landscape is completely different from yours.

Good luck :)

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#86

Post by devteambravo »

I suggest trying to come to peace with yourself. You're so young. Take you "self" out of the equation for a year. Who are you bringing up in your surroundings? What are you sharing, and with who? No time to self-lament when solving someone else's problems.

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#87

Post by peterkelly »

You're still young, and have an enormous amount of time ahead of you that you can put to good use, if you have the motivation and discipline. If you begin getting serious about developing yourself now, and devote your efforts towards reading, learning, traveling, gaining experiences, and otherwise becoming a more informed and well-rounded person, by the time you're 30 you'll be way ahead of most people of that age.

I'm 43 right now, and I still have an immense passion for learning new things. I love exploring new concepts or going over ones I've previously learnt in more depth, and that includes areas of computer science (both related to my career and not), as well studying music as a hobby. The wonderful thing about life is that there's always more to learn and discover, and that it's never too late to start. I hope to continue learning until the day I die.

Everyone is different, so I can't say what specifically what you should do, but I can say there's nothing to be gained by regretting the past. It's actually not that big a deal since lots of people don't make good use of that time, and anyone trying to compare themselves to John Carmack is being unfair on themselves. My point is the only thing that matters is what you do from here. Figure out what you want to explore and go for it.

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#88

Post by prox »

Xeoncross wrote: post #62
fnordpiglet wrote: post #41

Everything you do is ultimately pointless. You feel that becoming a particular type of engineer you aspire to is meaningful, but once you get there you’ll realize you’re still yourself and you didn’t ascend to some higher level of being. Probably the most meaningful thing we can do is through social interactions. Your time in WoW must have incorporated social interactions. Be proud of those experiences - they’re in n…

> Everything you do is ultimately pointless > the most meaningful thing we can do is through social interactions Clearly you can see the contrast here. I agree that people are far more important than anything else. I am also among the majority of worldviews on earth who do not consider 'everything is pointless'.

Meaning is mostly self-reflecting. You build meaning by the things you love to do, whether someone is watching or not. If you’re depressed this is the hardest thing to “get” , to give yourself the gift of worthiness and bringing meaning into the world. For yourself, and through that to others.

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#89

Post by timothyduong »

Value what you have, not what you lack.

The experiences you made, be it bad or good, look at the positives of it. For me I’ve spent a good chunk of my life playing a particular game (I’m in my thirties). I loved the memories I’ve made and the friends I’ve gained through it.

I’ve also realised that the game is what I enjoy as long as I still progress in my life in other aspects. These days I enjoy 20-40 mins a day playing it if I have the time. I try to balance it with my other things/pillars in life: money, relationships, health, fun

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#90

Post by tunnuz »

Maybe try to realise that the past is past and can’t be changed, but the future of yours to mould as you please. When you do that, don’t compre yourself to others, find your own unique way to be you. Be honest to yourself, and be kind to yourself. The worst thing you can do for your happiness is trying to hold yourself to unreasonable standards, or other people’s standards. You are unique and beautiful as you are.
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