Religion.
Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
81–90 of 94 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#82Here's an ancient piece of advice.
2 ears, 1 mouth.
Listen more than you speak. Make conversations about them, not you. You do that through listening more than talking.
As for book recommendations: Brene Brown, Stoicism (Meditations, Letters, etc), How To Win Friends And Influence People, Robert Greene, and many many more.
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#83Start with Metta
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#84A good place to start is just to STFU. This isn't strictly true but men tend to want to offer solutions to problems. In these sorts of situations, people often aren't looking for solutions. They're just looking to get something off their chest. So just STFU and listen and resist the urge (if you have it) to "fix" the problem. I would guess this is what you're doing if people are feeling anxious about opening up this…
I do agree with the advice but I think the natural next-problem is someone is they'll follow it and end up sitting mutely nodding and listening for 20 minutes, then get disheartened because that is obviously not working well. Being quiet is good but it has to be a component in a broader strategy. The point is still to help people solve their problems; just to have humility enough to realise that it is impossible to k…
Listening doesn't mean you just sit quietly. You have to be an active listener. That means using non-verbal cues (nodding, squeezing hands etc.) to show you are listening and chiming in with empathy. E.g. "What? That must have meed you feel pissed of at so-and-so!" or "I would have been crushed if someone told that to my face." or even the inquisitive *"Did that annoy you? Why do you think he said that?"* ... etc. When people vent, they mainly do it for two reason - (1) expressing their true feelings is healthy and (2) they are looking for validation of their actions, feeling and emotions.
Listening helps with 1, active listening helps with 2. (And sometimes, not validating some feeling or emotion that seems inappropriate for the situation, without offering advise, also helps.)
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#85The book Non-violent Communication is a great way to “do no harm” in challenging conversations. As for practicing empathy and compassion I think real world experience is key. Check out anything to do with “authentic relating”. Here’s a group that offers online and in person classes: https://authenticrelating.co/ But empathy and compassion has to be there naturally (which I’m sure it is as it sounds like you’re empath…
There's a 3 hour workshop on YouTube it's much more useful since it adresses passive aggressiveness
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#86if you have to ask...you need to stay the fuck away from other people before you get somebody killed. dont leave your fuking cubicle son of sam
We've banned this account for repeatedly breaking the site guidelines. Not cool.
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#87Try reading the Bible . I see someone already mentioned the golden rule (Do unto others as you would have others do unto you) it is what I am familiar with, be it science, science fiction or fantasy, some of the contents is still valid and good practice regardless of what I believe.
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Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#88Also, a book is only passive learning, so depending on your learning style, it May not prepare you enough for real world interaction. Look into experiential learning, like taking a communications class. Toastmasters is also good. As others have mentioned, active listening... stop trying to solve the problem and just listen to what they are saying, hang on every word, and check in with them every once in a while, just to see how they are or just to see if what you're hearing is what they are saying.
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#89No post body was provided.
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#90A good place to start is just to STFU. This isn't strictly true but men tend to want to offer solutions to problems. In these sorts of situations, people often aren't looking for solutions. They're just looking to get something off their chest. So just STFU and listen and resist the urge (if you have it) to "fix" the problem. I would guess this is what you're doing if people are feeling anxious about opening up this…
This. Often times just being around is more than enough.