It’s okay to critique and diagnose problems, but if you stop there it does become negative. To turn it positive, follow it up by proposing a solution or at least adding something constructive. That can be a very difficult thing to do, especially in a graceful manner.
Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
81–90 of 213 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#82[dead]
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#83Here’s how I got over my negativity:
Like many others here on HN, I lean more towards the “intellectual” and “analytical” side of thinking. I was not very mindful of my emotions and how they influenced my thinking.
The thing about thinking is that our analytical minds rationalise our thoughts and hence our conclusions _feel_ rational. But what we don’t see easily is that our emotions define the axioms on which our rationalisations are based. That’s why negative thinking feels so “rational” and hard to get out of. If you don’t see this, you won’t see a point of coming out of it.
I went for a 10 day vipassana retreat and I have been practicising the meditation every day since February 2021. Through the meditation, I was able to finally perceive how much anxiety my mind was filled with in every moment. The anxiety produced all manner of irrational negative thoughts, which I used to believe in. With the meditation practice, I finally could “experience” the anxiety by “intercepting” it. Instead of letting it loose and producing all manner of thoughts, I “uncover” the anxiety and spend time with it. It rises up and tries to cause a mess while I let my breathing take its natural course, and slowly it fades away into oblivion. What is left behind is clear skies in my mind, and an insight that anxiety is just something that comes and goes. If not observed, it subtly creates a mess. If observed, it speaks its truth and goes away.
My negative thinking has not gone away completely, but this was a game changing insight for me. The fact that my thoughts are the equivalent of a madman’s rambling, and don’t need to be taken seriously, is very freeing.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#84When there is something in my life that is rotting me from within I talk to people I am close to e.g. my parents and let it out because I know they can take it.
In terms of general negativity... I try to avoid social media (Hacker News is no exception) and instead I make a conscious effort to face-to-face talk to people and try new things. Trying new things especially. I find that I basically get a shot of euphoria whenever I do. Day to day life is like grinding in a video game, and trying something new is proving that I am the master of my life, not some architect.
Just my 2c.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#85You are either optimizing for the wrong thing, or don't know what you want. If want to be as frequently correct as possible, then your "negativity" is strength. The issue with this strategy is that it will prevent you from engaging with the real world the way that positively thinking people do. You will take less chances, since you realize the probabilities of failure are so big. Positively thinking people are kind o…
You can also stay realistic, while being neither too negative nor too positive.
You can step back and identify the negatives and the positives of a circumstance or plan, weigh them (quite literally in a table for anything complex, it really helps), and set a course of action based on that. Then you price in the risks of negative consequences, while aiming for potential positive outcomes in the future.
Otherwise, being super negative and not trying to change one's situation sounds like distress, and seeing only the positives to a potential course of action sounds like folly and risky planning.
I also think that this can be trained. There were times when I was really negative about everything, but I developed a habit to notice when I was experiencing this negativity, and try to identify positives too, to balance things out. It did give me a lot more agency.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#86Earlier quoted context omitted.
I recommend "Tuesdays With Morrie" for a good why book. Either you value collaboration and the opinions of others, or you don't; there's not much that you can do to reason yourself into or out of it, since it's not really a rational position. I find dialetheism[0] to be a fulfilling model of mental gymnastics for this 'humbling' you refer to. [0] https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/dialetheism/
An initial glance makes it seem similar to Schrödinger's cat. I do use Schrödinger's cat type thinking to make decisions and think about things when I don't know what the right answer is, so just act as if all scenarios are the right one until I know for sure which is right. I shall look into it, as well as the book. Your point in that there's not much one can do to reason oneself into or out of valuing collaboration…
One way to be driven to be more collaborative from a rational motivation, chosen first principle, perspective, is realize you own everything and everyone.
Because you do. The only thing you will ever really have is the reality you can impact around you. So take charge!
Your job isn't just your day job. It is to run and push the planet along a good direction as much as you can, because it is literally your planet. These are all your people.
So learn to "use" people to your best advantage by learning what makes them tick, how to communicate and motivate, how to encourage and help even the people you only see once.
Be a great world leader from the perspective that you are objectively at the center of your world and you really do have the ability to move needles. So move every one you can.
When you do consciously act to move needles forward it's very motivating and self-affirming.
Get the most good out of others and yourself for this planet you own.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#87You are either optimizing for the wrong thing, or don't know what you want. If want to be as frequently correct as possible, then your "negativity" is strength. The issue with this strategy is that it will prevent you from engaging with the real world the way that positively thinking people do. You will take less chances, since you realize the probabilities of failure are so big. Positively thinking people are kind o…
You can also stay realistic, while being neither too negative nor too positive. You can step back and identify the negatives and the positives of a circumstance or plan, weigh them (quite literally in a table for anything complex, it really helps), and set a course of action based on that. Then you price in the risks of negative consequences, while aiming for potential positive outcomes in the future. Otherwise, bein…
"Realistic" is not a middle point between "Negative" and "Positive". If you want to have a model of reality that is as close to truth, it would fall significantly closer to "Negative". (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism)
However there are strategies that both ways of thinking can adopt to improve their experience / performance in the real world.
Optimistic people can try to see "both side of the coins" and not miss underwater rocks.
Pessimistic people can adopt a defensive strategy where they minimize risk to the point that they are willing to take it.
Two side notes: You can be smart about it in both situations. Also in both cases you should take out the emotional toll.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#88Don't judge things. Things are just as is, it's your opinion that makes them good or bad. Remember this and whenever you make a judgement then just remove that opinion of yours.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#89I'm not perfect about this but one experience in particular helped me. I was a new employee doing on-the-job training for an even newer employee, while we were trying to meet a deadline. We were the only two people working on this project, in the middle of rural NM, out of cell range, and having to improvise. He kept making suggestions and I kept explaining why they wouldn't work. Suddenly he point-blank asked me why…
In the last few years my brain has been somewhat "re-wired" so that I'm able to detect and escape "negativity ruts" more easily.
And it's the same story – some colleagues that have been willing to speak honestly about how my attitude can affect them/the team.
Team diversity (and teammates bold enough to speak up) are great!
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#90You are either optimizing for the wrong thing, or don't know what you want. If want to be as frequently correct as possible, then your "negativity" is strength. The issue with this strategy is that it will prevent you from engaging with the real world the way that positively thinking people do. You will take less chances, since you realize the probabilities of failure are so big. Positively thinking people are kind o…
Being negative is probably statistically correct. But I find it to be more or less a useless model.
Most things to be negative about are not actionable. Maybe in the old days, you could be stressed out about a tiger in the area or an upcoming war and it'll literally save lives. But today, you can be stressed out about Trump or COVID-19 and it'll probably change nothing. In fact, COVID-19 impact has been worst where people are most panicked about it.
There's also where it becomes grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression. This is not realistic nor useful.
Optimism is a filter. You don't purposely blind yourself; you focus on what you can have a lot of impact on. You can turn the filter on and off (provided it wasn't installed stupidly in the first place).