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Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?

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Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?

#81

Post by dominotw »

disturbed wrote: post #39
farleykr wrote: post #17

I've struggled with a similar situation - anxiety stemming from childhood trauma - for a long time. The things that help me the most are: 1. Basic self care: get enough sleep (~8 hours a night), eat plenty of healthy food and cut out as much junk food as possible, and make time for doing something you enjoy each day, even if it's only for 20-30 minutes. 2. Therapy: Either straightforward counseling or something more…

Thank you. I have been drinking more lately. I guess I should stop. I find it hard to enjoy anything. I was thinking about why is that. I found I don’t like myself at all and I guess deep inside I think I don’t deserve to feel joy. My therapist says I’m emotionally immature. She’s probably right.

> My therapist says I’m emotionally immature.

find a different therapist :)

Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?

#82

Post by sellingwebsite »

Lots of good suggestions here, but they miss the elephant in the room: you are trapped and you feel that. It seems like a lot of your anxiety stems from that.

My only suggestion would be to "climb out" of this trap. Since you can't find another job in your town (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21620176), try looking fo remote job openings. Freelancing and starting your own business are options as well, but I won't recommend them for you, at least for now.

Start looking here

https://weworkremotely.com/

https://remoteok.io

All the best

Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?

#83

Post by sepisoad »

i used to live with a sever anxiety, so bad that i could not get out of my mind, i was surrounded by ugly and negative thought.

reading the book bellow helped me a lot, however you need to be patient and accept the situation.

https://anxietynomore.co.uk/the_book/

Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?

#84

Post by riffraff »

mapcars wrote: post #69
riffraff wrote: post #31

not constant, but I do suffer from some anxiety. First, it might be useful for you to look for professional help. Then, some things that were helpful for me, and may be helpful for you, ymmv: - check your health: maybe you suffer from physical issues, such as high blood pressure, and you can help it with pills, which will help with anxiety. - drop coffee and sigarettes, reduce alcool, eat more vegetables and fruit; i…

>- drop coffee and sigarettes, reduce alcool, eat more vegetables and fruit; it's weird Why is it weird? You know in medieval Europe taking a bath was weird, two centuries ago having tuberculosis was fashionable. What is more important - fashion of times or your unique life? You must make up your mind.

sorry, I was referring to the last part, as coffee, cigarettes and alcohol have clear effects on the mind, while zucchini do not.

I only mentioned it may seems weird because generally one expects eating fruits and vegetables to help with some generic "physical well being" but doesn't think of them being useful for psychological health too.

Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?

#85

Post by mft_ »

disturbed wrote: post #67
mft_ wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You must have transferable tech skills that aren’t just specific to gambling? Anyway (while I admit I know little of your actual situation) I think you’re probably overestimating how hard to would be to find another job - because you’re lacking in confidence, and the unknown component of what a new employer might want is daunting. I’ve been there - my assessment of my employability varies tremendously, due to nothing…

I live in a small town, in a small country. If I tried locally the word would get out. I could apply in a different country. I guess I’m afraid of proving myself right that I am incompetent. But, you are right - can’t hurt to try.

Are you willing to relocate, for a better (ie great) role?

Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?

#86

Post by Uptrenda »

1. A small amount of anxiety is normal and even very useful - but not when it's a constant thing. It sounds to me like you may need to be on medication for this. Your family doctor might be able to help you with this (or if they can't they will refer you to a specialist who can - like a psychiatrist.)

2. You've mentioned feelings of low self-worth. That's a classic sign of depression. The racing mind and jumbled thoughts overlaps with many different illnesses though. You definitely want to bring this up with your doctor (especially the last part) as it might be a sign of something more serious (not to scare you or anything.)

On a personal level: try to celebrate your own successes more rather than being overly interested in what other people are doing. There's always going to be someone doing better and if you're always looking at them you forget the progress you have made. For the 'lost the will to code' issue -- its hard to say what the cause is. Depression causes a loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities, but honestly you might just be burned out and fried from the repetition.

Practically, I can understand why you would feel stressed out over financials. If I were you I'd look into moving somewhere with a very low cost of living and find yourself a high paying remote gig (not sure how practical this is for you -- probably asking a lot if you have a family and/or mortgage, idk.) I wouldn't bother learning any new skills tho. It sounds like you already have years of experience. You just have to sell your existing engineering skills and how they translate to designing and implementing different systems with any tech.

Good luck, hope your situation improves.

Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?

#87

Post by hmwhy »

Please take what @farleykr and @robsinatra said very seriously and act on them.

A few years ago I suffered from anxiety/depression for about a year during what I thought was the most important time of my career. I was overseas at the time, obsessively working at least 10 hours a day without breaks and usually every day of the week, drinking a bottle of wine or a couple of litres of beer a night sleeping on average 5 hours a night. I absolutely hated myself, I stopped playing and listening to any music, and actively avoiding staying in touch with family and friends.

Then one night, when I was very drunk and literally crying on the streets, I somehow decided to call my sister (whom I have already avoided talking to for months at that point) and she made me stop drinking, sleep, and seek professional help. I've always had a lot of respect for her, and I think hearing it from someone I deeply care about made and the fact that she picked up the phone when I needed someone the most made all the difference.

Anyhow! The point of the anecdote is I can't stress enough how important the things @farleykr and @robsinatra said are. Once you start feeling better you will be in a much better position to act on the advice that everyone else has kindly given about career.

As for feeling incompetent, I think a bit of that is a good quality to have because knowing and admitting what you don't know something is a very powerful skill; just don't sit on it forever (as others have said) because nothing will become better if you wallow in it.

And one last thing about dealing with incoherent thoughts: write them down. I think it's too easy to sit there to theory-craft/fantasise/make excuses in your head all-day long; so try writing them down while taking care to organise them, and be honest to yourself, as best as you can.

Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?

#88

Post by op00to »

robsinatra wrote: post #56
farleykr wrote: post #17

I've struggled with a similar situation - anxiety stemming from childhood trauma - for a long time. The things that help me the most are: 1. Basic self care: get enough sleep (~8 hours a night), eat plenty of healthy food and cut out as much junk food as possible, and make time for doing something you enjoy each day, even if it's only for 20-30 minutes. 2. Therapy: Either straightforward counseling or something more…

Lexapro worked for me until it didn't any more and then made my anxiety worse

How did you know it stopped working? What did you do to fix it? What if I’m not sure it ever worked in the first place?

Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?

#89

Post by op00to »

ianai wrote: post #72
robsinatra wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You must stop drinking alcohol. It is a depressant. You are literally making yourself feel worse. No amounts consumed in moderation are helpful. Stop, cold turkey. Don't wait to make this change, either, and try not to replace it with an alternative. If you absolutely must find a replacement, try vaping high-CBD hemp flower. I don't know what your country's legal status is for this, though, and that may not be possib…

Actually, kava kava is the best I’ve found outside of benzodiazepines.

Benzos don’t work at all for me. I have an Ativan script and it’s useless. Should I be asking for something else?

Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?

#90

Post by cyberpip »

disturbed wrote: post #16
fwsgonzo wrote: post #12

First off, its probably a toxic work environment, and second, you're at a stage where the walls are closing in so it feels worse than it is. Programming is inherently a creative art with a core of logic and reason. For example, you can solve your business case by writing shell scripts instead of Java. By toxic environment, I mean that there are things at work that contribute, such as the way your coworkers talk to yo…

> I think you, first of all, need to find a way to let go of the feeling that your job performance has any bearing on your worth as a human being. It really doesn't. Yeah my therapist is trying to convince me of this too. I find it hard to make myself internalize it.

I think the issue may be that this can come from both within the individual and from society externally. Internally you feel low worth and then you see it confirmed externally moving around in society. Speaking as someone who got laid off and had to take one step back career-wise, I feel this but also, on better days, realize I create my reality at the same time. It's a difficult balancing act of who and what to give the most credence to.
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