Ask HN: How is your mental health?

My first programming job I made a whopping $28k a year, back in 2006, in Chicago. That's $35k in today's dollars, and ~$55k taking the cost of living of NYC into account.

Hell, you're currently making about what I do after 10+ years of experience even taking cost of living into account (of course I stupidly never left Chicago). Use that salary to leverage a better trajectory than I ever got.

Assuming your love is on the west coast somewhere, you should be able to find something close to her that pays comparably well.

Just do your best to stick it out and keep looking. A year really isn't that long. I've hated my current job for the past two years but I'm still here (well I desperately need to leave, but it has some perks, like working remotely, and it's hard to find a new job when you're planning a wedding, which thankfully is done now). Having that job on your resume will help you negotiate down the line.

I’ve actually just started a new podcast on discussing mental health in the software development industry. It’s called Happy Dev https://happy-dev.transistor.fm

Episode one will be out tomorrow morning!

I have social anxiety disorder. My mental health has gotten worse since starting a new job with 100% pairing. I don't want to pair every day and I try to bring up that I would like to pair less but it does no good. I say hey I would like to pair less and the response is always "how can we make pairing better"? No one cares that I actually don't want to pair. I have gone from having panic attacks once every few months to weekly. I assume I will get fired at some point over this. No one at works likes me. Some dislike me but most are indifferent. At my last job I had a few people I was friends with.

My wife wants to have kids but I don't think it would be at all responsible with my mental health the way it is to have kids. Shit sucks. I have a great relationship with my wife and with my parents. I grew up in an upper middle class family in a stable home. I was never bullied.

SSRIS makes me super tired, to the point I fall asleep when taking them. I am already low energy, so with SSRI's it is completely unworkable. Besides I feel like a zombie on them. I am a runner, am not overweight, and have a good diet. Still energy levels are low. My most happy time is my daily run.

I went to 2 different therapists like 2 years ago. I left both of them because it felt like I was paying for someone to pretend to care and they didn't care about me at all. It is probably not at all true, but my brain views stuff this way. I should go to therapy again, but I live in America. I am scared they will put me on some kind of list, either government or employee blacklist if I do. Also it is expensive and I am terrified of being fired and becoming homeless.

I often write long messages like this, send it, and then panic about it hours or days later and delete them. There are random people at work that for whatever reason my brain got scared of and I can't even look at them. This makes things super awkward, because they just think I am an ass. I don't actually not like them, my brain just panics seeing them. They weren't mean to me or anything. My goal is to get into a top company, save a lot so I can retire or withstand any worsening in my mental health.

I get panic attacks in about a third of job interviews. I felt like I was fairly close to getting into one of the faangs, but my anxiety made me preform worse than I should. I will probably try to again, but the interview circuit isn't that fun when you are guaranteed to get a panic attack.

I feel like I am in the mental health closet like gay people used to have to be in the closet. I am not a danger to anyone. I wouldn't hurt a fly. I am just not as pleasant to be around as someone with no mental health issues.

>I'm hoping this feeling doesn't carry over, and I hope I haven't truly lost my passion.

If it's like my experience, it will probably be a hangover at your new job for a few weeks, but if you are mindful of it and don't let it make a bad new impression, it'll go away. This is assuming a new job isn't just as bad.

Not great. Monitoring my mental health is critical for me. I caught a severe TBI 8 years ago and things have never been the same. I hate the way my brain works now. I hate not being able to concentrate, not remembering a lot things, having to take stimulants, anti-seizure meds, and anti-depressants just to feel a bit normal. I especially hate the personality changes, however minor some of them are. I miss my old self more than anyone can imagine. Yes, I have therapists, physiatrists and doctors all on my side but every single day is still a struggle. It's taken a toll on my family and kids. Some days it seems like they're the only things keeping me going. It's easy to get down and to start wallowing in self-pity, but you just have to keep going. One thing, one step at a time. It could be worse.