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Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

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Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#81

Post by stareatgoats »

ykevinator wrote: post #66

I did nothing. It's easy and natural. Just be a good person.

You're down voted, but I think this is a basic truth too, to some extent. But it is natural to try and prepare as well, and to do nothing would not be very natural for most first-time parents. That said, there is a lot to be said for just listening to your child, and taking it from there. They tell you what they need, and you provide it (especially if it is an infant, otherwise if you think it is good for them), just like good people have always done.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#82

Post by stareatgoats »

lastofus wrote: post #3

Something that I wish was made clear to me beforehand is that there is a huge variance in children, even between siblings. This means that what works well for some kids will fail terribly for others. Half of parenting is trying out a bunch of different things to find out what works well for your kids, and is also acceptable for you. This variance is also a big reason why there is no "one true way" of raising kids, an…

> there is a huge variance in children

This was a surprise to me too, to the extent that I started wondering where I got the notion that all infants should be that same right out of the womb.

Not sure if I got the answer, but one reason might be found in our historical heritage, i.e. the influence of the enlightenment and the furious fight that was fought out between those who believed heredity was everything (ultimately supporting the Kings right to rule) and democrats to whom heredity in such matters was so abhorrent that they tried to wipe out such "a priori" nature from reality using a "tabula rasa"[0] view of humans, a view that prevailed but is ultimately false as parents of several children are left to discover to their surprise.

A case of conceptual overreach it seems, since accepting hereditary or other a priori traits in humans surely don't mean we can't have democracy.

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabula_rasa

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#83

Post by barbarei »

Practically there isn't much to prepare for for the first few months. Feeding, pooping, sleeping, clothing and bathing are the main things to deal with. Make sure you are comfortable with your pediatrician, a good one will tell you to call whenever, especially during the first few weeks/months.

Saying that, its exhausting. Beware of the baby blues, in both you and your partner.

The only piece of advice that stuck with me was "be patient, laugh often". At certain difficult times that became my mantra.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#85

Post by seanrrwilkins »

I'm in the same boat right now. Our first is due at the end of October.

Generally, my wife and I feel as prepared as we can be. We've been fortunate to see most of our friends have children over the past 5-6 years. Like @Lastofus mentioned below, we saw a huge variance in both the children and the parenting styles.

For me, the best things I've learned come from our friends that are teachers. We've seen a level of patience and consistency with them that we haven't seen in others. They also made a concerted effort to regularly engage with questions, quizzes, reading and playing music. It did a lot to keep the kids engaged and learning early.

We've also been happy with how supportive and generous our friends have been. Definitely lean on them with questions as you're prepping. And they'll also likely have a ton of stuff to pass down, so take advantage of that. Just trying to pick a baby seat is one of the most confusing exercises, and our friends saved us hours of hassle with some simple advice and recommendations between two.

Good luck to you!

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#86

Post by muzani »

kibibu wrote: post #67

Know that fresh babies come out a dark red purple colour. I didn't know, and given the complications we had in childbirth, there was a good 30 seconds where I thought my baby was stillborn. Also, if your baby doesn't sleep well, nobody will truly understand your hell.

I'm not sure that's true. Both of my babies were grayish-red, and they often cry almost immediately after they come out. I remember a checklist where the doctor checked skin color and crying to gauge baby health.

Still, it sounds like you got a healthy, happy baby. Congrats :)

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#88

Post by cannonedhamster »

90% of parenting is just being there. You have to show up and most everything else falls into place. Get lots of diapers. Don't give them alcohol or drugs. Baby powder. Wipe front to back and always put the baby onto something in case they blew the diaper out. Be kind to your sibling when you get tired and frustrated. Be kind to yourself. A trick that worked to get my child to sleep was gently tapping between the eyebrows. It made them blink which if they are already tired can help speed the process along.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#89

Post by cshah4 »

Just had my daughter a month back :) I don't think you can prepare much..lol. As @lastofus said, each kid is different so what worked for someone else, may not work for you.

Follow the KISS principle! Don't get too many things. The only thing to be mentally prepared for is for the unpredictable timings of the baby. They will sleep and wake up at odd hours and many times they will cry for no reason which can be stressful. Other than that, diaper change and all is pretty easy after the first few days.

Here are a few things I think many books/doctors fail to mention:

- Breastfeeding: People swear by it but many times the mother will not be able to produce enough milk initially or baby won't latch correctly. Be prepared to feed formula to the baby and order it before delivery. Try to get a good organic one from Europe: Holle, Hipp, Bimbosan, etc. Enfamil and Similac are not that good. You can read about it online.

- Make sure the baby bottles you order are compatible with the breast pump and the nipples are wide neck ones similar to breast. It's damn confusing and they don't make it easier for you! Don't get too many bottles also. Having 4-5 is more than enough.

- Learn to swaddle :) Practicing on dolls is pretty much useless.

- Learn how to massage your baby. It's the best thing and they will doze off for hours after it. I do it every alternate day.

- Read about flat head and get a pillow from the start if you are worried about it.

Other than that, enjoy your time with them! They do grow up fast and time will fly! :)

Congrats and gluck!

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#90

Post by madhadron »

lghh wrote: post #73
kraftman wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the jury is still out on swaddling: https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/to-swaddle-or...

My baby seems to like it, most people do it, and if it's helping my wife and I while not EXPLICITLY hurting my child I will keep doing it.

We didn't swaddle. I think we tried once with our older one and it made them more fussy. Kids vary.
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