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Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

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Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#81

If you always liked learning stuff but don't have any time, find out how to get more time. Time is the only truly finite resource so getting more is always worthwhile. As far as happiness is concerned, I'd read the paper causes and correlates of happiness. Make sure you address the most significant areas. If you already do, you might just have a low generic setpoint. Unfortunately genetics have a lot to do with intri…

Yep, you can always figure out a way to make money, but you can never make time. There's probably a clear song lyric in there somewhere but I can't see it yet.

You can ALWAYS make time. It's a matter of whether you're disciplined enough to do so.

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#83
post #39

I stopped pigeon holing myself as an introvert. I quite literally looked at my life, thought about where I wanted to be, and then looked at what traits I'd need to cultivate in order to get there. One of them was 'how to have a conversation with people' which was hard to learn, and embarrassing to practice, but I got there. I'm not 'extrovert' at it, and it is exhausting, but I'm no wallflower any longer. Another one…

Another one was 'how to disagree with someone and not be deferential, passive aggressive, or just plain aggressive about it' this I'm still working on, but I've gotten better at it.

What is the key to getting better at this, in your experience?

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#84
post #73

I am single, live alone (with a blind dog I am re-teaching to hike with me), and work as a software developer exclusively remote. I started a meetup to teach aspiring developers that has evolved into a "stitch-and-bitch" where everyone teaches, got a side-hustle teaching and guiding sea kayak trips, and volunteer as a snowboard instructor. I probably sound like a jock, but you would recognize me as a nerd. And I am H…

How do you deal with financial stress? There's a study that says that financial stress has a big impact on one's health and can even lower one's IQ by 13 points. http://www.nj.com/mercer/index.ssf/2013/09/princeton_univers...

First, I never under-bid on a contract, except once in exchange for equity that seems to be panning out. Know your value and values. Stick to them.

When I quit full-time employment at a major US university, my first contracts brought in far more than I had been earning. A former colleague there used to quip, "half a day's work for half a day's pay". Still, I had about six months of mortgage payments and other living expenses saved before I took the (abrupt) leap.

I took some part time gigs minding friends' art galleries to cover groceries and to get me out of the house. I've added side-hustles as a way to improve my communication skills and get me into other communities.

When I quit, I made the transition from project management to software engineering. I taught myself python and javascript. I learned how to do stuff with Django. I contributed to open-source projects, first improving documentation, then code. Those activities increased my sense of self-worth and reduced stress.

And I cut way back on expenses. I eliminated dining out and drinking. One of the perks of my side hustle is deep discounts on clothing and gear required for the job.

To manage the stress, I started hiking every day. (Actually, that wasn't the reason, but a side effect. The reason was to help a roommate lose 50 pounds, then the next roommate another 50 pounds. Bringing in roommates also offset some of the costs of living.) Removing four hours of daily commute let me hike an hour a day and still have three bonus hours that I could devote to other stress-relieving strategies such as reading or meditating.

Financial stress is just stress, as far as I'm concerned. I had one major financial obligation, a mortgage three years old at the time right as the financial crisis hit in 2008. If things had gotten very bad, I probably would have short-sold my house, moved in with friends or family, and/or found a lower-cost community to call home. And nothing but stubbornness and a desire to work on my terms prevented me from seeking regular employment.

If I had a partner and/or kids, the calculus would have been different. Another breadwinner would have smoothed the finances. Kids might have prevented a move entirely, though I'm not certain. My dad lost his engineering job when I was seven. He took on contracting work until one of the contractees hired him as SVP of engineering.

An ex just visited for a month with her boyfriend. He lost his job as an EMT in Alaska because of structural changes in state employment. We spent a lot of time talking about what we really need to survive. He says they can live happily in Anchorage on about 18k/year. (Health insurance there for them costs 1/10 of what it costs where I am.)

Just because you have financial security at your current gig today doesn't mean next month's check is going to clear. The boss works for you, you don't work for the boss.

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#85

Be comfortable being you, and take steps to be "more you". Acting in an unnatural way to fit social conventions is a lot of work and often a waste of time unless it's to achieve a short-term goal (e.g. get funding, land a customer, find a partner). Find time to tackle those interesting problems, even if it's outside of a formal academic environment. Get blogging, vlogging, maybe socialize online more if you're short…

The first paragraph, I call this "integrity"! Maintain integrity.

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#86
"Cultivate friendships" >>> The secret is you have to leave your house and be at the same place routinely

example: get a dog, go to dog-park at the same time every day.

"The Great Good Place" teaches us that in order for a space to be social it needs to be in walking distance and cheap enough to go there every day, examples French Bistro, German Beergarden, American greasy diner, Coffeehouse. Depending on where you live you might not have access to such a place, consider moving close to one.

The military teaches us that friendships are forged in suffering, so do some group fitness bootcampy thing, like crossfit or similar.

To get love, give love. Volunteer your time in some fashion.

We are social creatures.

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#87
Funk, soul, and hip-hop make me happy. Turn off rock: it is derivative and depressing. So called alt-rock should be crushed under a, uh, rock. Jazz is great, but not full of joy, as is classical music. Folk has the same issues as rock plus an insufferable homogeneity.

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#88
post #68
post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm pretty lonely too, but I have two problems: 1. I don't feel like I have enough energy to do things after work, and I find myself unable to socialize for long periods of time. 2. My friends, or at least friends I know in the real world, are running into number 1, and often have different work schedules anyways. Modern society feels isolating. When I try to be social, I find many people are disinterested. I myself…

I think the obsession of many modern workplaces with “team stuff” is making things pretty hard for some introverts. If I could work (truly —- i.e. no interruptions at all unlesss something’s on fire) solo for a couple of days a week, I suspect I’d be a whole lot more sociable in the evenings...

Open office designs kill me worse than teamwork. It feels like I'm being bombarded with senses that I have to tune out to be productive but can only do that for a portion of the time.

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#89
post #39

I stopped pigeon holing myself as an introvert. I quite literally looked at my life, thought about where I wanted to be, and then looked at what traits I'd need to cultivate in order to get there. One of them was 'how to have a conversation with people' which was hard to learn, and embarrassing to practice, but I got there. I'm not 'extrovert' at it, and it is exhausting, but I'm no wallflower any longer. Another one…

Another one was 'how to disagree with someone and not be deferential, passive aggressive, or just plain aggressive about it' this I'm still working on, but I've gotten better at it. What is the key to getting better at this, in your experience?

My biggest problem is deferring and when I don't do that, I railroad or say 'fuck this, I'm doing it anyway'. None of which is useful or productive.

But for me it boils down to an inferiority problem. What has helped is recognizing that feeling of 'something about this isn't right' and instead of either pushing it down (because I don't want to look stupid) or immediately saying 'hey that's shit but I can't tell you why' I take some time to really think about where that feeling is coming from.

Then, if I find the problem quickly enough, I specifically talk about and explore that, trying to be extremely careful to not use any 'blame' language. Because laying blame is unhelpful and makes people defensive. What I want out of these interactions is the best solution, not to be right.

If I don't find the reason for the feeling quickly enough I try to keep my mouth shut. Just because I've got a feeling that something isn't adding up, doesn't mean it's true.

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