Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

Stuff i've learned from having (two) kids:

i) Take photos. Its amazing how much your child will change and how things that are front and centre in their/your life will fade when day-day life demands attention. Take as many pictures as you can so that you can look back in a couple of years' time and remember those things (and get a good backup plan in place NOW).

ii) All children develop at their own pace. Children pick up skills only on a very rough timescale: our eldest could do jigsaws when he was a year old but couldn't jump till he was nearly two. Our friend's daughter could draw recognisable pictures staggeringly early but didn't know where to start with a jigsaw puzzle. Now they're 3.5 and both of them can do all of those things perfectly well. Praise them for trying things not just for being good at them.

iii) try not to assume the worst. Its easy - especially with your first child - to get sucked into thinking that your child must have some uniquely awful illness or impediment to a normal life because they 'still' aren't sleeping/they have a cold that hasn't cleared up/they haven't fed well that day etc etc. Whilst these things can happen, and you should obviously watch out for signs of serious problems, chances are nothing sinister is behind it. Accept that this is a phase and that in a few days or weeks it will have passed and you'll get through the rough times much easier.

iv) share the sleepless nights the lack of sleep is tough. Try and agree a rota with your partner as to who will be 'point-man/woman' each night and let the other sleep (ideally in a spare room). The key word is agree - do your 'night-shifts' dilligently and don't be tempted to start comparing the difficulty of the shifts you've already done (i.e., a night where the child slept through doesn't mean your partner is on-shift the following night). These things will balance out.

Make time for your kids. It's really easy, as a hacker/startup founder/equity holder to say "Well, X is really important, I need to do that first." You'll always have more X. Take time, play with your kids, love on them, take them to the park, draw with them.

I have a son who is almost 2, and two of his favorite things to do with me are to read books (he'll bring me a book, crawl up in my lap, and snuggle up. When we finish the book he runs off to get another one and repeats the whole process) and play with his hotwheels cars on my desk. It means the world to him when I clear off my notes and keyboard and mouse and just spend a half hour racing cars back and forth over it. That half hour I might have spent reading HN, or testing some new feature, or whatnot, sure, but I'm starting to learn that the things that seem small and unimportant to me are the highlight of his week. Don't get so caught up in providing for your family that you forget to be a father - it's enormously easy to do so.

I must re-iterate what others have said for emphasis:

1) Finish off your to-do list before the baby arrives. Setup the nursery; go see that movie you've always wanted to see; travel to places you've been meaning to visit; drink, party, and be merry; finish playing that video game; crank out a ton of code on that side project of yours. You will NOT have time to do any of that when the baby is here. Heck, it may be many years until you can get to some of things on your to-do list (such as travel somewhere far and exotic).

2) Prepare everything in advance, even if you think you won't need to. Your sleep-deprived-future-self will thank you. Go out and buy a ton of baby clothes in advance (newborn, 3 month, 6 months, 9-12 months). Buy a stock-pile of diapers, formula, baby-food, wipes, etc... Buy enough to last you at least half a year or more. Cook in advance so that you have "ready-to-eat" meals to throw in the freezer; make enough to last you a few months.

You will not have time (or the will) to cook, go shopping, or paint the nursery when the baby arrives.

It will get easier as they grow up :-)

White noise and soft lights are amazing. The trick is to find something that simulates being in the womb for the baby. I have one recommendation that you absolutely _must_ get. Best investment I've ever made:

http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Wonders-Soothe-Seahorse/d...

You would not believe how much more sleep we got after picking up one of those. My daughter just turned one and we still use it every night and for her naps.

In terms of general advice, just be prepared to be exhausted beyond your expectations. I was working at a startup when my daughter was born and ended up going back to work shortly after, it was very challenging to say the least.

The best advice I can give you is don't fool yourself into thinking you're going to be getting a lot of things done, the change of pace is astonishing when you come to realization that you brought something amazing into the world that is 100% dependent on you for survival. Its no longer about you. Enjoy being a parent, its an amazing experience.

> Take tons of photos, they change a lot very quickly.

Speaking of photos, make sure you have an SLR/interchangeable lens camera with a good fixed ("prime") portrait lens.

The image quality of large sensor cameras is way ahead of compact cameras (not to mention camera phones). Given that young babies spend most of their time indoors, you need a fast lens to use natural light and avoid using the flash.