Ask HN: Are you happy, well-rounded? (dealing w/ depression/lack of motivation)

the best way to get into a depression is to constantly think about "me,me and me" AND the best way to snap out of it is to start thinking about others, how can I help others.

1) Pay attention to your diet. Make sure you're getting enough water, and make sure you eat enough veggies and get enough protein and calories overall. Screwed up body chemistry can make you feel unmotivated and disconnected. Carry a water bottle (I've got a nice quart-sized stainless steel bottle) and make sure you drink several full bottles a day.

2) Pay attention to your sleep schedule, as well as your sleep quality. Getting not-quite-enough sleep of not-quite-good-enough quality can leave you just a bit lethargic, or over time build up to major apathy.

3) Get a physical as well as a psych evaluation. Don't settle for one or the other. There are lots of little conditions that can drag you down and leave you with vague emotional weirdnesses. If the docs find something awry, get it treated, and don't be afraid to go back and ask for changes if the treatment doesn't work; sometimes certain meds just don't work right for certain people.

4) Keep exercising. Sounds like you do some rock climbing; don't give it up without replacing it with something else challenging.

OK, so with all that physical stuff in mind -- getting your body right so it's not a drag on your brain -- you might still have a problem. In large part, "this is what entering adulthood's like", but there are still some things you can do to smooth the transition:

A) Have a good, long, serious heart-to-heart with your significant other. Be totally honest with yourself and her. You might find some lingering resentment over something you had written off as insignificant, and that can affect your overall mood.

B) Remember that the decisions you make now aren't necessarily permanent. You can change jobs or careers; you can load up the moving truck and head elsewhere; you can start or end various extracurriculars (others have suggested gardening, martial arts, etc.) Don't be afraid to just try something and revisit it a year down the road (and set yourself up for it -- rent, don't buy, or as lionhearted suggested, travel somewhere cheap and spend a couple months there.)

C) Pay attention to the things that make you happy. Elsewhere on HN I saw a suggestion to make happyfile.txt on your computer and write down things that make you happy each day. My sister carries a paper notebook and does the same. Remember, anything that makes you happy goes in the Happy Book -- something a friend says, time spent writing or reading, minor or major accomplishments, religious pursuits, tasty meals, enjoyable HN posts. The mere act of writing the things down means you think more about them, and over time you may notice patterns and find you really want to make some specific change in your life.

For the record, I was 28 and had a pregnant wife when I finally realized the thing I wanted to do most was to be a stay-at-home dad. I didn't keep a "happy book", but I did pay attention to the amount of joy I derived from working with kids and thinking about family.

1. Pick up a hobby that can really consumes your focus - I've started doing some photography (I'm horrible at it, but learning)

2. Travel - see places and meet people. I know a person who went through something similar (but in his 30s) and went backpacking for 6 months in Australia. You might not want to go to that extent, but even a shot break away from everything does help (I recommend a beach resort, but YMMV)

3. Reconnect with old friends (college, high school) - always a laugh, but more importantly, might open up doors (work and non-work related) that might have been shut a while back.

One thing I've observed is that while most people look fine, some of them are going through what you're experiencing, but don't really show it. Remember, you're not alone.

You sound like me, where we think too much, never finish projects because of new ideas, and am always falling short. You're trapped in your own head. You need to go exhaust yourself every day, physically. Go run, not just a jog, go fucking sprint until you're barely able to breath. Lift weights as hard as you can. Run some stairs. Get tired.

Also, do those things outside. Go sweat everyday. Just sit in the sun if you have to. Remind yourself that there's an actual world behind your monitor.

I sleep terribly, night terrors a lot, wake up screaming, scare the hell out of my girlfriend, bad news stuff. When I exercise hard during the day though, I sleep like a baby. Just food for thought.

Keep a journal, write down all new ideas, and put them away. Review it every few days, and only then decide if it's really something you want to pursue.

Try blogging. I just started again, it feels good to have readers, to think about how to teach people what I know, to PARTICIPATE in the world and give back, even if it's techie niche stuff.

In regards to psychologists, I haven't decided if they help me or not yet. I found myself in a situation one day where I realised that my therapist worked off of and knew only what I decided to tell her. I had complete control over the situation. That can be a dangerous realisation; I haven't been back.

I'm broke, if I wasn't, I'd go travel. To somewhere very remote. And just sit outside. Probably Ireland or Switzerland. Just sit on a grassy hill and look at nothing in particular until I knew what I wanted.

Until then, just go run your ass off and get tired. You'll sleep a lot better. Your body will thank you too.