Stop taking control of your life. Live like a fish in an ocean.
Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
761–767 of 767 posts
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#762Earlier quoted context omitted.
The very same Wikipedia article cited at the top of this thread includes links to several meta analyses demonstrating psychoanalysis’ effectiveness. The evidence is not conclusive, because it is apparently difficult to study psychoanalysis, but it falls on the side of it being effective. Very far from discredited, as you seem to want to claim (with no evidence). Difficult to study != disproven
I’m not claiming it is discredited, but you seem to think that it must be either discredited or proven. My position is that the extended difficulty over the past hundred years in supporting it scientifically means it is in essence not a science. It is too complex to measure using these means and so science in pursuit of “proving the efficiency of psychiatric treatments” where psychiatric treatments are anything more…
That seems like a reasonable position to me. I’m mostly here because psychoanalysis gets an unfair rep. People say it’s not science or it’s discredited and they mean that it’s junk, but it is not junk, and there is no reason to think so.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#763Earlier quoted context omitted.
I know what CBT is (well, I mean, I've heard term) but what is MCT? Also, I would say that a (good) therapist is quite like a (good) coach/personal trainer - someone who keeps you accountable and committed to a course of treatment/training. Many people could probably do these things by themselves, but many others struggle to keep it up for one reason or other. As an analogue I had a couple of very bad PTs and then we…
> MCT Metacognitive Therapy. Effectively, when dealing with persistent unwanted thoughts, it teaches you to let them pass without judgement / evoking response, and to divert your attention elsewhere. I find that this complements CBT well if one has already done the work of recognizing that some thoughts are unrealistic distortions. Proponents of MCT seem to bash CBT needlessly; they needn't be mutually exclusive, and…
>Metacognitive Therapy. Effectively, when dealing with persistent unwanted thoughts, it teaches you to let them pass without judgement / evoking response, and to divert your attention elsewhere. I find that this complements CBT well if one has already done the work of recognizing that some thoughts are unrealistic distortions. Proponents of MCT seem to bash CBT needlessly; they needn't be mutually exclusive, and at any rate, evidence suggests that CBT is generally effective (and there's a much larger body of it than for MCT).
Thanks for the explainer; I feel like I've heard of this modality before but not by name.
>The other problem is, as with personal trainers, whether you'll have a good one is a roll of the dice.
True, though at least there are some measure of professional standards in therapy that act as a heuristic - I don't know the situation in the States, but the 'standard' PT certification in Canada, the CanFitPro, has no educational requirement and can be achieved over a weekend in which you watch some videos, do a workshop, and write an hourlong exam. But yeah, as you said, intrinsic motivation is necessary.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#764Not sure if you went through all the comments already. I kept this tab open to try and remember not to forget and comment.
I only have encouragement for you. I don't think finding a therapist or more money for treatment is the right step.
I know nothing about you, and I don't know you. But I think you can get out of this. You have some pretty nice degrees and have proven you have a great brain. You were courageous enough to take care of a family member out of respect and duty.
Now you have a whole half of life or more left to continue doing things. There are tons of opportunities out there. I recommend doing some exercise on a schedule.
Since you have internet, go watch some David Goggins, Joe Rogan or Tim Ferris on topics like "motivation, building up yourself from scratch" etc... (These are podcasts that go over the topics you speak of over and over again)
After you can do 100 push-ups, squats and run like 5km daily. You probably will have enough natural motivation (and higher amount of testosterone in your blood) to get a short-term job. Lots of single people everywhere that need a reliable man, become that person.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#765Start listening/reading Jordan Peterson Get religious. We are meant to have a story we fit into, this had been religion for every culture as far as we know. The modern atheist man is lost, nihilist, doomed in most cases. Depression is a way your body/mind tell you something is not working, that the things you are pursuing are not worth it (loose interest in everything) If you go into a religious practice, there is pr…
> Start listening/reading Jordan Peterson Think Mr. P needs to get a handle on his own life before his advice can be recommended to others.
He saved thousands of suicide and depression.
I think that is way more helpfull than most people.
He is hypersensitive to the suffering of others and see the misery we are getting ourselves into. That took a toll on him.
Like many others, I think he had too much trust on the medical integrity and pay a huge price for that.
Look into the benzo addiction, that’s stuff is no joke is get prescribe as if the is no consequences.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#766Yup - as I’ve read here you need to talk to a therapist, and also it seems you need some intellectual stimulation to give you some direction of motivation in life.
It sounds like you lost your purpose, which can be an existential crisis - but as you mentioned you have a loving family, a house … etc.
I had to leave my career in the army at 30 because of PTSD, fell into VERY rough times, and after all that had 2 kids which helped provide a bit of perspective.
Now, I’m feeling many of the same things but am going back for a new degree in a couple months, I keep myself busy with some of the new technology, and had to really gain some acceptance with myself and my feelings.
And that can be the hardest thing, when the day is over and everything is quiet and I’m forced to be alone with my screaming thoughts.
It can be tough and overwhelming, especially during this time of year. It’s hard but try to have some acceptance that you are right where the universe needs you to be - we like to fool ourselves that we retain some sort of control but we don’t.
Stay positive, friend.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#767Earlier quoted context omitted.
Why so hostile to therapy? I have a great supportive network of friends and family, but even so a few times in my life I have seen a psychologist that gave me actionable advice that really helped me deal with personal hardships. An impartial trained professional can often see much more clearly what you’re blind to; friends mean well but sometimes their intuitive advice is actually the opposite of what you need to hea…
I'm not saying psychotherapy is useless, only that its proliferation is a sign of a gap in society, and that psychotherapy would ideally be reserved for fairly edge cases (traumas, genetic conditions, sudden extreme events, PTSD, etc.). NOT so much a routine go-to for common existential problems. The fact that this is the solution is a sad reflection of a society with holes in it. And further that the proliferation o…
Thank you for having the time and patience to reply to everyone about psychotherapy and how it's not a one-stop-shop to fix all your issues. I feel the same but honestly do not have the patience to take on this immense debate with mostly people who blindly believe that some person with a basic degree has the knowledge, insight, authority, etc. to solve your life's problems. I personally cannot reason with people who have based their beliefs on 'blind faith'.