Hey thanks. I always wince when I post these things, because I never know if I'm just projecting, or if something in my words might get misconstrued, etc. So it means a lot when someone replies.
For me, the healing really began when I started communicating and setting boundaries. Expressing sentiment, even if I can't make good on what I'm trying to do, goes a long way. And stepping outside myself, so that I can vouch for myself the way I would for someone else, also does wonders for quality of life.
But everyone has their own struggles. I know people who battle video game addiction, and drinking, and saving for their kids' college fund. My difficulties seem almost quaint in comparison sometimes. Like really? I got to grow up and program computers and have a bunch of cool jobs doing web stuff, and all I can do is complain? Well yes actually, because for all of that, I never really quite did what I originally set out to do. That can weigh on a person more than anything else sometimes.
So honestly I write for a younger me from 20 years ago, while I still maybe had a healthy bit of cynicism but was not yet disillusioned, in the hopes that it helps someone avoid stuff like the burnouts and bouts of depression that I went through. Which is perhaps a bit idealistic, because suffering and loss is something that everyone experiences as part of life.
It really comes down to the search for meaning for me. Stuff like: what comes after atheism? What's a dream, or a hallucination, or an alternate reality like those experienced when we pass out or have near-death experiences? How come science can't explain synchronicity or angel numbers or other coincidences, except dismissively? We literally have no evidence that our scientific models entirely describe our physical reality. They can't even explain consciousness. Those gaps in our knowledge are opportunities for finding meaning. Perhaps metaphysics can help us navigate such nebulous concepts. And also, how do we know how our experiences shaped our understanding? I sometimes look back fondly at some of the "worst" periods of my life. Often, the obstacle is the way.
Which is a book I'd like to read sometime. Also A Course in Miracles. Unlike reason, where we stand on the shoulders of giants, meaning comes more like discovering a truth of one's existence, only to learn that someone already wrote it down thousands of years ago. A different kind of validation.
So much more to say about all that.. but it's really more about finding one's own way than endlessly studying philosophy. But it's ok to do that, to work on oneself. These times are kind of rough not for all the blessings we receive, but for all the little things that seem perpetually out of reach. Time, rest, the esteem of our friends and colleagues, being with our families. My deepest wish is that we find a way to heal ourselves and then the world and seek faith/hope/love, peace and harmony together so that we can all self-actualize and manifest heaven on Earth in the New Age. And we're right there, so close!