Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How did you deal with depression?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

71–80 of 95 posts

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with depression?

#71

Post by ithrewthisone »

Hey OP,

I'm 24, Male and living in a first world country. I've been suffering on/off since I was 15 - so almost 10 years, wow actually. I remember vividly when it started to come over me. At the time, all I wanted in my life at the time was a decent computer to play games. I saved every single penny and once I got the PC - I began getting depressed. Over the last 9 years it has gotten progressively worse. Perhaps the PC was just a coincidence; I really don't know.

Anyway, I have no reason to feel this way - I feel stupid. I feel like; how dare I feel this way when there are so many other people worse off than me. I'm so fucking privileged it would make others sick to their stomach to hear me complain about my feelings. I made it through the education system - even through my masters, and received top grades too (bar my first standard BSc. before I learned how to study properly and game the education system).

I am now employed and on a nice salary for my age (€40k starting, with free health insurance, and bonus). I drive a nice car (inherited). I have a girlfriend of 2 years (she knows - hardest thing I've ever done), and to top it off I know her about 20 years. Yes I know, almost my whole life.

I had my first major breakdown last year. It was actually sparked from a fight with my girlfriend I think. I was doing my masters and started a company on the side. It was a lot to take on, and my girlfriend is full time - if you know what I mean. So I broke.

I saw a counselor (sorry don't know how to spell that one, even being native English speaker), for about 3 months I think it was. I had a very limited budget when I was in university so I could only pay her €10 a week - which was so embarrassing as I pulled up in my 2008 BMW coupe. I felt so ashamed, but she understood my rare circumstance and was very helpful and I am so grateful for what she has done for me.

I was also suffering from an eating disorder at the time. I was borderline standard bulimic - and had full on exercise bulimia (arguably still do). I work out 4 times per week, but love bodybuilding so I guess that's a gray area. I was benching 100kg during my exam periods for my masters, and coding everything for my startup at the same time. Stupid amount of work. No wonder I was fucked.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I do know that you cannot let it get the better of you. I look at what I've achieved while dealing with the issues I have and I know that I am a driven person - no matter what. It may hold me back a bit, but it doesn't define me or change my determination.

Keep on keeping on is such a true statement. I make myself get up out of bed and worry about putting my pants on after. I isolate my thoughts to get through. I just drive to the gym, nothing else. Once I'm there, I just get out of the car, that's it. Before you know it, you are in the gym and you didn't miss another work out. Same goes for the rest of the things you want to accomplish.

My two parents also have alcohol addictions, which obviously doesn't help. My Dad was suicidal when he was my age, and had a brief stay in rehab within a mental hospital. My Mum is recently out of surgery due to years of dietary abuse, but continues to drink daily. I'd say if she went cold turkey - it'd kill her. I don't talk to my parents much anymore since I moved away. I'm OK with that, but I wish it didn't have to be this way.

Keep on keeping on.

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with depression?

#72

Post by ithrewthisone »

jarnix wrote: post #13

If you know that you are depressed and can talk about it, that's a good step and you should be glad to be aware of this. It's difficult to quit playing games and procrastinate even when someone's not depressed... Meeting new people and finding a project seems a like good thing, at least it worked for me. You should also try and going out for like walking, biking, or whatever. And you should avoid medicine, alcohol or…

I'd argue that admitting your depression on the internet anonymously holds no additional value whatsoever. It is the same as admitting it to yourself. I know because I've been there, done that.

Rest of your advice is sound though.

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with depression?

#73

Post by ankit1911 »

I have been dealing with thing since 8 years now. I have tried to escape this with drugs/alcohol but that won't help. I can tell you everything that I've done but that won't be of any help to you.

What I think is, there is no hard coded way to deal with this issue. Understand your situation and keep fighting and there will come a time when something will push you over the brink. Honestly, if you ask me I really don't know what thing in particular helped me curb my depression, things started to change over time.

However, eating healthy food, reading books and exercise is a must.

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with depression?

#74

Post by TeMPOraL »

collyw wrote: post #70
TeMPOraL wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not disputing that, only pointing out that some languages don't use one word for those two, however overlapping, groups.

Well depends how you look at it. They are pretty much the same in many cases. There are plenty of "drugs" that aren't addictive and plenty of "medicines" that are. Is caffeine a medicine or a drug in your view? I don't see as much of a distinction as you would appear to.

Again, I'm not saying there is much difference - just that there are languages that use two separate words for those concepts and don't have a (common) one for both.

For example, in Polish you'd classify aspirin as a medicine ("lek", "lekarstwo") and caffeine as a stimulating substance ("używka"). There is another word that is used to refer to harmful addictive substances like cocaine ("narkotyk"). There is no generally used word in Polish that encompasses all three terms.

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with depression?

#75

Post by lxt »

0tiger1 wrote: post #41
AndrewMock wrote: post #20

1. Get medicated. 2. Set one small baby-step goal each day. (set an appointment today, etc.) Change the goal every time. 3. Change your environment. Move cities or schools if need be. 4. Exercise. Start with one rep on day 1, two reps on day 2, etc. Baby steps. 5. Ask for feedback on stuff. Any positive feedback helps motivate you to learn and do more projects. 6. Seek a healthy relationship. 7. Be vulnerable. Let so…

Sure, you shouldn't rush to get medicated, but you should be open to medication as an option. I believe depression is often chemically caused, and if you've tried healthy living, meditation, etc., there are many good, relatively benign, well tested medical options out there.

Definitely this. I fought depression (originally PPD, but didn't go away) without medication for three years. Tried exercise, sunshine, B vitamins, volunteering, etc, etc. When I finally went to the doctor the medication working was such a huge relief, because nothing else did.

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with depression?

#76

Post by jawilson2 »

throw_away_555 wrote: post #10

This won't get a lot of votes, but it ended up as diet and exercise for me. When I dropped caffeine and alcohol my anxiety went away. When I exercised my depression went away. I tried a lot of things, but it ended up figuring out that I wasn't eating well or working out. Now I do crossfit. I know, I know. It's a cult blah blah. But go try it. You need to be exercising every day to get all that endorphin goodness and…

I second this. I started keto and my depression went away, and although there is still anxiety, it is much lower, and it feels like I can DEAL with it, whereas before I felt helpless.

I was a neurology professor at a children's hospital in my previous job, and there is a ton of research being done studying the neurological effects of a low-carb diet, and they are, across the board, incredible. A common treatment for kids with epilepsy is the keto diet, so we had a lot of research and expertise in this area. Half of the department was on the diet, and I have been for close to two years now. I will never stop it. My wife and kids as well (though the kids are more paleo, since they have closer to 75-100 g carbs/day)

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with depression?

#77

Post by techbio »

0tiger1 wrote: post #41
AndrewMock wrote: post #20

1. Get medicated. 2. Set one small baby-step goal each day. (set an appointment today, etc.) Change the goal every time. 3. Change your environment. Move cities or schools if need be. 4. Exercise. Start with one rep on day 1, two reps on day 2, etc. Baby steps. 5. Ask for feedback on stuff. Any positive feedback helps motivate you to learn and do more projects. 6. Seek a healthy relationship. 7. Be vulnerable. Let so…

Sure, you shouldn't rush to get medicated, but you should be open to medication as an option. I believe depression is often chemically caused, and if you've tried healthy living, meditation, etc., there are many good, relatively benign, well tested medical options out there.

Consider your state of mind. Contemplate and act on potential adjustments. This, too, shall pass. Put out feelers. Find an understanding, not "sympathetic" professional. Also, pull your pants up and get to work.

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with depression?

#78

Post by andriesm »

I've battled a life-time of depression and ADHD and here is what I've learned.

You need to engineer your entire life to suite your personality, life style and mental shortcomings.

This takes time and trial and error.

Whenever a depression spell hits, I prepare myself for battle.

Sometimes I am as helpless as simply knowing there is not much else I can do but wait a few weeks for it to pass, and aim to minimize the amount of long term disruption to my life and goals.

Accepting it, accepting that at times you can be powerless and totally in the grip of this beast, but also that it will definitely pass again.

Most depressive spells pass relatively quickly but I've had 1-2 year spells.

Yet today at 38, my life is happy, fulfilling, satisfying and challenging.

I also am prescribed medications for both my conditions, and I can say that if you are on a med that doesn't work for you it is really bad, and when you are on a med that accords well with your particular chemistry it's like a major life turn-around. This involves trial and error with the best Psychiatrist you can afford.

I sometimes do take breaks from my anti-depressant to effects, but on balance I cannot imagine my life had I never discovered these meds.

Therapy has not been helpful to me overall. But spending a lot of time learning emotional skills, re-evaluating beliefs and feelings, and getting deeply in touch with what motivates me, what kills my motivation, what my emotional needs are etc all helps a ton.

Feel free to email directly on andries dot malan at gmail dot com if you looking for someone in tech entrepreneurship with plenty battle scars to share experience with.

I wish you all the best - and wish to tell you that you can definitely learn to find a happy and fulfilling life no matter how shit things look and feel for you at the moment.

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with depression?

#79

Post by Ayietim1 »

First, sit down alone, away from the crowd, don't forget your notepad and pen. Write down targets you have not met, which deadlnes have passed, in other words, write down expectations not met, love not returned and other things you have been disappointed with recently. Cross off the ones which you were not personally responsible for, after doing that, you will be left with the ones which are within your capacity to handle. Set new realistic deadlines against all of them, write down simple steps which you are convinced will help you achieve them, break them down into realistic daily routine, leave no space in your routine for frivolities but create room for leisure. Go back to living your life but this time follow your routine strictly but factor in contingencies.

http://ayietim.wordpress.com

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with depression?

#80

Post by NTDF9 »

Socialize. Get out of the tech bubble. Seriously!

One of the biggest problem of HN type folks is that they don't try to live a balanced life. Even the most hardworking people in the world try to balance things out.

Take some time out to meet some friends every week. Reach out to old friends and make new ones. Go live.

Counter-intuitive as it may sound, you'll soon see that your productivity has increased.

Post reply on HN