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Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

#71

Post by _DeadFred_ »

stefan_ wrote: post #43
mitthrowaway2 wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's like saying high school is for the teacher's benefit rather than the student's, because attendance is mandatory.

At least teachers come with a lesson plan. This reads like a vibe manager.

1 on 1's are entirely for the report, not the manager. They are useless if the manager takes control. The manager can explain the concept and give examples, but they shouldn't be giving direction. It's totally up to the 'vibe' of the report, that's the whole point.

That said, if you are checked out of one on ones it's legitimate for your manager to wonder 'what else are you checked out on'.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

#72

Post by wendyshu »

ivan_gammel wrote: post #14

It depends on how skilled/engaged is your manager. If it’s not a „you report progress“ exercise, you certainly should use 1:1s to „manage up“ and pursue your own agenda. Ask questions, suggest solutions, discuss plans etc. Don’t make it too practical, try to have small talks too and chat about topics unrelated to work to build personal connection. The purpose of 1-1s is that and not to discuss current projects. When…

English uses quotation marks "like this"

Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

#73

Post by Hamuko »

_DeadFred_ wrote: post #71
stefan_ wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At least teachers come with a lesson plan. This reads like a vibe manager.

1 on 1's are entirely for the report, not the manager. They are useless if the manager takes control. The manager can explain the concept and give examples, but they shouldn't be giving direction. It's totally up to the 'vibe' of the report, that's the whole point. That said, if you are checked out of one on ones it's legitimate for your manager to wonder 'what else are you checked out on'.

This still sounds a 1:1 is for the manager to make judgement calls about you based on the fact that you're not into hanging out with him on a schedule that he sets, and not for the report.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

#74

Post by ivan_gammel »

_moof wrote: post #35
frakt0x90 wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If your 1:1 is just status updates, that's not useful, I agree. It should be focused on things that only the manager can give you feedback on. Career growth, work feedback, training opportunities, budget for XYZ, etc. Things you want to get out of work that can't be supplied by your peers.

Maybe you've been lucky to have better managers than me. IMHO managers should be giving continuous feedback; it's been a long time since I had a manager whose input on my career growth mattered; and I seek out my own training opportunities. When I've brought up issues in my 1:1s that are making it difficult to work effectively, I've gotten lip service at best. When I've said week after week that I need specific suppo…

>IMHO managers should be giving continuous feedback

That would be great, however it is not always possible. Your manager may not be closely involved in your work, so for meaningful feedback they must bring focus from somewhere else. When calendar is packed with all sorts of meetings, it is easier to reserve dedicated time slot for you and guarantee that you will get all the attention this way. You may have never encountered a good manager, but they do exist. When I met one, I have got a massive decade long push in my career because of what I learned on those 1:1s.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

#75

Post by ivan_gammel »

wendyshu wrote: post #72
ivan_gammel wrote: post #14

It depends on how skilled/engaged is your manager. If it’s not a „you report progress“ exercise, you certainly should use 1:1s to „manage up“ and pursue your own agenda. Ask questions, suggest solutions, discuss plans etc. Don’t make it too practical, try to have small talks too and chat about topics unrelated to work to build personal connection. The purpose of 1-1s is that and not to discuss current projects. When…

English uses quotation marks "like this"

I‘m using non-English keyboard.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

#76

Post by ivan_gammel »

JohnFen wrote: post #68
peab wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I hate to break it to you, but this sounds like pretty normal human social behavior

I've been in this business for multiple decades, and I have never had a manager do that before. It's very unusual in my experience. A status meeting is a business occasion, not a social one. Asking for a status report about my non-work time is just very strange and intrusive in that setting. My time is my time, not subject to company review. It's a world apart from talking over the water cooler, where it would indeed…

I have seen this. Presumably it is done for team cohesion and it may work for a while, but as soon as someone sets the personal boundary and refuses to talk or says something generic it starts looking weird.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

#77

Post by mytailorisrich »

Jemaclus wrote: post #19

Manager here: first, I'll say that you're ahead of the rest of the class just by asking this question. Most people don't bother trying to get much out of the 1:1s with their bosses. Here's the basic answer: the 1:1 is for you, not for me. If I'm doing my job well, I already know the status of your work. This is a chance for you to talk about anything that you want. Some of my reports ask about technical things: how c…

> Here's the basic answer: the 1:1 is for you, not for me.

It's for both.

It allows the manager to build rapport and trust, to find out things that might not be said in a public or formal setting, and to mentor and coach in a safe environment.

You, as manager should also be asking plenty of questions, including to seek feedback.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

#78

Post by mytailorisrich »

seanthemon wrote: post #42
JohnFen wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If you want to cancel all of the time because you have nothing to talk about, then that indicates a number of different possibilities, very few of which are good. But all of your examples are things I would have already discussed with my manager outside of any kind of formal 1:1s, so that doesn't leave anything for the 1:1. That makes a 1:1 basically a performative exercise: I have to perform in it well enough that…

Honestly I feel like this is what I do, fill it with what they want to hear so I can progress versus actually discussing anything worthwhile because those things I bring uo at the time when it matters. 1-1 feels so pointless..

That's the fault of your manager who hasn't framed it correctly, or who is not keen to do it themself (perhaps it is required for them as well!)

For me the key to good 1:1s is to build trust and to make clear that there is no such thing as "what I want to hear". I want to hear what you think and how things are going generally. And if there is not much to discuss them let's have a coffee and chat about the weather and holiday plans, that's good as well.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

#79

Post by rognjen »

My goto was basically: "I want to do . What do you think?" (but a bit more diplomatically phrased)

Some examples:

- Change the way standups are done - Do something not directly related to the team - Do debt - Change / take over the way a project is being done

In general it worked well because either I had a good idea in which case I'd often get the agency to do it, or perhaps not directly but a path towards it or it wasn't and I learnt something.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

#80

Post by [deleted] »

Clubber wrote: post #32
_moof wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I'll put it this way: the 1:1 for you, but it's also too valuable to skip just because you don't want it. We will have a 1:1 on a regular cadence, whether you like it or not. I don't want a meeting for the sake of having a meeting, but 1:1s are the single best way for managers to connect to team members. If you want to cancel all of the time because you have nothing to talk about, then that indicates a number of di…

>So what I'm hearing, it's not actually for me, it's for you. It's totally for the manager, they gotta fill their calendars to look like they're doing stuff. I hate when they want me to rank myself from 1-5 on various things just to tell me, "I don't think you're a 5, you're performing as expected. COL raise." I just put 3's on everything and wait for it to be over. Our company (whose application I built from scratch…

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