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Ask HN: Every day feels like prison
71–80 of 162 posts
Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison
#72Call it being in a rut, or a funk, or getting the blues, but please don't say like prison unless you've experienced prison. What you're describing is close to the opposite of my experience in prison. Every day was one day closer to release, to being able to see and spend time with the people I cared most about. I saw dates on the calendar approach and looked forward to them. I never had much opportunity to be bored,…
Jeese louise being pedantic about the wording of a feeling is just completely lacking in compassion. This post isn’t about you. Good job making yourself feel better while belittling the struggles of someone else.
“I had it worse than you and figured it out” just ain’t it dude. Same with “just be happy”
Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison
#73Earlier quoted context omitted.
Sadly, it's the advice of the typical parent - bring children into the world to suffer for entirely selfish reasons with no regard for the needs, feelings, or welfare of the HUMAN BEINGS they are creating. "Create children in order to cure your existential dread" only takes into consideration the needs & feelings of one of of the potentially many humans affected by such a choice. Nobody fucking cares about the severe…
a teleological argument has nothing to do with selfishness and in fact i am recommending to OP immolation of the hedonistic pleasure-drive i don't know who you are arguing with but it isn't me
OP can immolate whichever parts of himself he wants, he's an adult, but it's irresponsible to suggest that he have a child simply for that one purpose.
Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison
#74Tough to reach conclusions based on just a few paragraphs, but it sounds like you are focused way too much on yourself. "I'm in a relationship" is one of the last things you mention (after your job concerns, money, gym and travel schedule, etc) when the reality is that relationships with friends and having and building family tend to be the most fulfilling aspects of most people's lives.
For me, my job is important. If you can find a kernel of passion in your work, it makes your career a lot more satisfying. But a career or successful business alone aren't enough to give most people purpose or deep meaning in life.
Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison
#75Get married and have children. For time immemorial that is what your ancestors have done. It will not make you happy as you currently conceptualize it, but it will add purpose (and much suffering, as always comes with purpose) to your life. It is what you are designed to do.
> Get married and have children I second this. I was in a similar position as the OP and after having a child the perspective has changed quite a bit and soul crushing jobs are a lot more bearable, meaning is no longer tied to the job.
Your experience is common enough that The Simpsons addressed it.[1] It's interesting to see the positions being taken in this thread. There are supportive comments like yours, and legitimate opposition to OP's advice.
Someone on either side of the argument who follows this advice may find it's not what they expected, for better or worse.
Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison
#76Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Get married and have children. This is terrible advice to someone you know virtually nothing about, other than the three paragraphs they chose to type out about themselves. The first part, fine, it only affects a consenting adult. But I always hesitate to cheerfully tell someone to go ahead and sign up for a minimum of 18 years of responsibility for a human being, a human being that you'll be responsible for moldin…
Nope. No one is telling them this because everyone is either scared to do so or is trapped in a hedonistic self-oriented conception of happiness. This is my advice, I am sincere in it and I feel that, given their presentation of the facts of their life, it is likely to be the most effective way to grow as a human. Note that I do mention that it will give them purpose and suffering, not happiness as they current conce…
I have a child. I very specifically wanted to have a child with my spouse, and every day I'm glad I did it.
I don't suggest doing it to people as a form of therapy.
Your advice is bad.
Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison
#77Earlier quoted context omitted.
Nope. No one is telling them this because everyone is either scared to do so or is trapped in a hedonistic self-oriented conception of happiness. This is my advice, I am sincere in it and I feel that, given their presentation of the facts of their life, it is likely to be the most effective way to grow as a human. Note that I do mention that it will give them purpose and suffering, not happiness as they current conce…
I have a child. I very specifically wanted to have a child with my spouse, and every day I'm glad I did it. I don't suggest doing it to people as a form of therapy. Your advice is bad.
who said anything about therapy? i offered only suffering and purpose.
Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison
#78Welcome to life.
Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison
#79First, there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling. It's a signal, and it's great that you're giving it consideration. It sounds like you're in need of a Purpose. Like many folks in modern times. Casually and broadly speaking, I'd say you have a couple of paths forward. Neither is a short-term holistic solution. These paths aren't mutually exclusive either. 1. Focus on creating and solidifying a family Many many p…
> Don't be afraid of traditional gender roles and arrangements, and take pride in this accomplishment. Maybe consider defying gender roles -- and not just those roles, all the expectations that brought you to this point. The OP's post resonates pretty deeply with me - I've been disillusioned with my career (and my expectations of it) for a long time. Expectations met reality, and I, too, am unhappy with the status qu…
Indeed, it's an interesting and alluring point to defy. My experience so far is that it's not so easy to distinguish between misleading indoctrination and archetypal patterns that lead to positive long term outcomes. I try to share the things I've learned that have/are leading to good outcomes.
It's also interesting how mental framing can dramatically change outcomes. There are many people out in the world building widgets. Some people try doing it for the love of the widget. Other research indicates that fulfillment in building widgets only comes after getting good at it and practicing that craft. Then others do it solely to earn money for family, hobbies, travel. This mental framing for each individual seems very related to purpose and positive outcomes.
Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison
#80I am absolutely blown away by the number of people who are saying that this person, who is clearly depressed and likely burnt out, can solve all of his problems by having children. It is the most insane advice I have ever seen on this site. Jumping to a lifetime commitment as a kneejerk reaction is just so wild to me. Maybe start with a hobby? This guy is working a full time job and a side hustle, but doesn't seem to…
I disagree. It's a great suggestion because it provides purpose, a reason to get out of bed each morning and a drive to provide and protect your children. The fact that he can't 'return them' makes the stakes high and only adds to the worthiness of the pursuit.
He'll still have days of struggle, we all do, but he'll have a fulfilling reason to push through them.