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Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

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Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#71

Post by jrochkind1 »

I'm also in my 40s, and also not super happy with my current life. I have no magic bullet, but wanted to say: People I know in their 70s and 80s have insisted to me that in your 40s the best of your life is not behind you.

(To me, this is just more terrifying, oh no, so I have to make THESE years count too and have no excuse for them being crappy? haha).

But other thoughts...

* These days you can talk to a therapist over zoom

* Do you have legal permission to move back to US right now? If so, and you want to... do it? Putting together a plan to get back will give you some direction

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#73

Post by nashashmi »

You need a friend. Or need to become a friend. You also need a faith. And finally you need to take some small course on the side.

Humans are: social creatures with need for personal improvement and a faith to help guide them thru life.

The rest will fall in place.

And Digital socialization won’t work.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#74

Post by EoinB »

I am 47 years old and have had two suicide attempts in my life, various interventions and other close calls and I just want to say to you that, even though things can seem hopeless, your life can get better; but you absolutely need to seek professional help.

I did and that and medication (I have Bipolar disorder) has probably saved my life.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#75

Post by phkahler »

>> I know the best of my life is behind me

This in not true. It may feel that way now, but I promise when you truly reach the other side of this your life can be better than ever. It's a long road and others will have good advice. I just wanted to emphasis this statement you made does not have to be true.

Been there, felt that.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#76

Post by MarcoSanto »

So from the looks of it you are in a negative mind frame. Use a professional mental coach (therapist, of course, not one of those "gurus") to help you reframe. It is never too late nor you are never not good enough. But you have to get to a point where you really believe it, not just superficially. A well structured mental coaching development path will help you reframe. Use the right tool, get into therapy.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#77

Post by mradek »

kemiller2002 wrote: post #4

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

How do u find a therapist? I’m a bit weary to discuss super personal things with someone I don’t know even if they’re a professional.

How can I find someone I trust and is actually good? Not like the movies where the clock is up and ok next issue.

My work offers a mental health service but I’ve looked at their TOS and no thanks.

Sometimes I feel like just suspending the world background process and being still would be nice. But I don’t have sudo.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#80

Post by c22 »

I turned my life around in my late 30s, it can be done.

At your age, and probably for another decade, a lot of women in your dating range will be feeling biological pressure to have children, so this is still on the table. Maybe look for a wife who has been too focused on her career to settle down but otherwise doesn't possess major personality flaws. Proceed cautiously since at this age major personality flaws is a big reason some people are still single. Also make sure you get your own shit in order before you seriously approach the dating issue (this should give you 2-5 years to work on yourself first). If you go this route be prepared to take on a larger portion of the homemaker role than you may have expected.

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