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Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?

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Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?

#71

Post by scrapcode »

MSM wrote: post #21

If you're able to take Paternity, take it. It's going to be a whirlwind, especially if this is your first child, and this is likely the first real stretch of time you've had off in your entire adult life. It's hard to bond with a week-old child, but spend as much time as you can with the baby and make yourself available to help mom with anything she might want help with. The good news is that the baby sleeps... a lot…

> Some employers have a knack for making you feel worthless even if you're incredibly valuable.

Saving this wisdom. I have worked for a few of them.

Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?

#73

Post by jelliclesfarm »

Start saving. Live frugally if you have to. You did not plan before having the kid. Don’t make the same mistake while raising the child.

Plan. Plan. Plan. Before you plan your money, plan your time. Stay healthy. Expand your friends circle and take whatever help comes your way from them…baby sitting, clothes/toys trading, barter etc. There are some things you can’t buy with money. Relationships matter.

Don’t quit your job. Economy is only going to get bleaker. I don’t think employees have any bargaining power regardless of industry and anywhere in the world. All you can do is plan from your end..best case scenario, mixed case scenario and worst case scenario.

Enjoy the time with your child. Be calm. Again..planning is everything. Take it in 5 year chunks. Savings should be for at least 6-12 months expenses. In the US, there is social net support for necessities. It’s the other stuff.

Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?

#75

Post by [deleted] »

MSM wrote: post #21

If you're able to take Paternity, take it. It's going to be a whirlwind, especially if this is your first child, and this is likely the first real stretch of time you've had off in your entire adult life. It's hard to bond with a week-old child, but spend as much time as you can with the baby and make yourself available to help mom with anything she might want help with. The good news is that the baby sleeps... a lot…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?

#76

Post by supertofu »

astorsnk wrote: post #32
supertofu wrote: post #9

You need parental leave. Not only for your mental health, but so you can support mama and baby. You should not be thinking about work AT ALL for the first 90 days of baby's life. Do whatever you can to get as much parental leave as you possibly can. Be there for baby and mama, and then -- only then, after baby is a few months old and your partner has healed a bit -- should you start worrying about your job and financ…

>> At the moment, the only thing that really and truly matters is your wife/partner's health and your baby. Maybe it’s just the phrasing of this and it’s intended differently, but it seems like terrible advice. You should never put your own mental health last. If you’re in a hole you’re not going to be able to help anyone else. If OP has just found out they’re having a baby they likely have some time. If they use tha…

My intention was to convey that OP needs to prioritize his baby and partner over worrying about his job/job performance.

His post expresses a great deal of anxiety over his financial circumstances and job performance -- which are valid, and, importantly, are problems that can be solved later. My intention was to convey that fretting about finding a new job or improving current job performance are NOT where OP's energy should be going right now, even if it seems on the surface like a new job will solve all of his problems.

OP should focus that mental energy on:

a) getting parental leave so that he can b) improve his mental health and c) support his partner and his new baby.

Good luck, OP! Just remember that you are not the only person who has ever become a new Dad, and you are going to get through this! I'm wishing you all the best for your family!

Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?

#78

Post by quietbritishjim »

MSM wrote: post #21

If you're able to take Paternity, take it. It's going to be a whirlwind, especially if this is your first child, and this is likely the first real stretch of time you've had off in your entire adult life. It's hard to bond with a week-old child, but spend as much time as you can with the baby and make yourself available to help mom with anything she might want help with. The good news is that the baby sleeps... a lot…

> The good news is that the baby sleeps... a lot. You can only fill up so much time doing laundry, cleaning bottles, and doing dishes. You will have some free time, especially at the start.

I guess your child is very different to mine or you are very different to me, but for at least the first two weeks there's really not enough time for everything, certainly not to get enough sleep. Doing some side work as well seems incomprehensible to me.

Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?

#79

Post by thenoblesunfish »

MSM wrote: post #21

If you're able to take Paternity, take it. It's going to be a whirlwind, especially if this is your first child, and this is likely the first real stretch of time you've had off in your entire adult life. It's hard to bond with a week-old child, but spend as much time as you can with the baby and make yourself available to help mom with anything she might want help with. The good news is that the baby sleeps... a lot…

The baby will sleep a lot.. in two hour chunks with crying in between. That said, yes the beginning part isn't actually that many hours you're really doing anything for the baby and you'll (hopefully) be stuck at home, so it is a good time to apply for jobs and do interviews. Good luck and congrats!

Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?

#80

Post by sdwr »

Are you sure the feeling is accurate? You might just not trust your coworkers/feel secure in the environment. There's a good chance you've built up more goodwill than you realize, and the people at your job would be happy to cover for you or at least cut you some slack.

I'd go to your manager or whoever you trust, share how you feel (overwhelmed, afraid of being fired), and listen to what they say.

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