Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

Wish you all the best!

For me the landscape and huge size of different orgs at TAMU was also somewhat intimidating. I did push myself to join a couple of service oriented groups and had a great time but didn’t make close friends (which is fine). I ended up getting involved in research and became close friends with many of my lab mates. There are many great CS research labs that are welcoming to undergrads just starting if you have interests in that.

For me I also found (perhaps too late in my studies) that taking classes in other areas that interested me (social sciences, psych for me) was a great way to meet entirely different groups of people without a lot of the effort of joining an org.

I hope something in here is helpful! Although I was definitely a 2%er with respect to school spirit, I greatly enjoyed my time at A&M and hope you will too.

> ...Like I said, I don't know how helpful this is.

It is.

> I don't know how helpful this will be, but the strategy that has worked best for me is: attach yourself to "connectors."

> Connectors are extraverts who have a large social circle and enjoy facilitating connections within it.

And... you may become yourself one of these connectors before you know it.

One advice: don't be pushy to these connectors and don't make them feel you are using them. They want to spend time with people who gives them (back) some "energy".

If you don't like them so much, or even if you do, try other clubs, IM sports, join a chorus or band or orchestra, a cappella group, etc. These things have built in socializing and often produce lifelong friendships.

Biggest thing I can say is that if you aren't already getting invited to stuff, invite people to your own stuff. Other people are probably having the same socializing trouble, so you can go ahead and fix it for everyone.

- Clubs. Find more general clubs or groups. A club often forms around a singular topic or activity, which is great for finding people who share that interest with you, but may not be enough to become friends with them.

- Campus events. If you're living on campus or near enough to go on campus for them, participate. If you're invited by someone, accept the invitation and hang out with them.

- When invited to something, say yes more often than no. If your objective is to make friends, anyone who shows interest in doing things with you is a potential friend. If you do like one of my old roommates in college and, in response to an invite to dinner with a group or a movie, say, "I'm installing Linux", you will almost certainly not get a second invitation. It's the "I have to wash my hair" answer for nerds, intended or not it conveys a lack of interest in the other person or people.

- Actively form a group. If you find people that you like, start inviting them to social activities. Hang out, go see a movie, grab dinner, cook dinner together, host your own Halloween party. Whatever it is. The best way to make friends is to actively cultivate the friendships. If you passively wait for friends, you will have a harder time of it.

Also, assume a lack of generosity on the part of others. As I said above, if you say no often enough you won't get more invitations. Assume that this is true, so sometimes meet people halfway. It doesn't matter that you don't enjoy picnics in the quad. If the group gathers there every week, go every once in a while if your intention is to form real friendships. On the other hand, if you take an active role in starting activities and inviting people, be generous. If they say no every time, keep inviting them. Don't count on them, but invite them. It's frustrating, but if you're not generous you may miss out on a good friendship later on.