Ask HN: Resources for introverted devs to learn workplace politics?

1. Being introverted has nothing to do with having autism or social anxiety. If you honestly think this is the case, seek out a doctor, otherwise you are just mocking those with an actual condition. Seek real help and stop using this as an excuse.

2. The issue you are having isn't workplace politics. It's because as a developer, you have a responsibility to solve problems.

> what I implemented, which was what they asked, was not what they wanted"

That's your responsibility to speak up and help them solve problems. A developer who only does what people ask him to do will never get far. They are the literal code monkey. If you want to be successful, you need to work with people to help solve their problems. This means understanding why they are asking for things.

3. Honestly, it needs to start with you.

> I ended up being treated like a machine

That's because you probably treat them like machines.

> I love technology and code, less so humans. A lot less.

That's pretty insulting, and people are quick to pick up on how you treat them, and treat you like that in return.

The best thing you can do for yourself is assume that everyone else is honestly trying to do the best job they can, and honestly try to help them succeed at that job. Most people are like this. You'll have people lie to you and tell you to treat people poorly or assume bad things about people, but those are just dicks. Most people just want to do their job, do it well, and get home. Help them do this. Respect them as people who are just as valuable as you. But if your attitude comes off as not caring about their needs and only wanting to get back to he code, well, you aren't really doing your part.

Help others achieve success. That's what a lot of these books will tell you.

Anyways, really, what I wanted to say was to seek out a professional if you think you have a condition, or stop using it as an excuse. It's insulting at best.

I'm surprised no one has made this distinction, but you're really talking about three kinds of communication:

1. Functional communication about the job you're doing

2. Social conversations

3. Office politics

There is overlap: #2 will help grease the wheels for #1 and #3, while #1 becomes #3 when a situation is dysfunctional/you rise in the corporate hierarchy.

Despite the overlap, these are fundamentally different things, and perhaps it will help your anxiety to realize that you don't have to be a social butterfly to do well in an office.

Myself, I've gotten a lot better at small talk (a few years doing deliveries to construction companies as a city-boy with a grad school education will force you to get out of your comfort zone), and I can crack a joke, but I'm still not the life of a party, and I come across as a little weird. Still, I can communicate with people at work.

Be honest, be yourself but do try to get past the hangups you feel, and try to understand what other people care about, how you can help them, and put them at ease. You can be on the quiet side and still do those things.

Beyond that, I'd add that you should find some people who write or speak about workplace behavior. Maybe even read something alien: something from someone in marketing, sales or a "people" job, and treat it like a matter you can study and practice, just like anything else you'd do.

First off, put it into your head that people skills are critical, for both professional and personal lives. Make it a goal for yourself to develop them.

Below are a few things that I had found helpful:

1. Book "Human Relationships" by Steve Duck [1]. The author of the book says that his students were suffering from the same people/relationship issues as everyone else in spite of the relevant education in psychology. So he reasoned something is all wrong about the way social psychology is taught, and wrote this book for helping people as oppose to teaching them. One impact on me was learning that the percentage of people feeling shy about initiating a conversation at some point in their lives was nearing half of them. In other words, the person in the front of you could also be just waiting to talk to you. I had read the first edition of the book which had very natural tone to it. The fourth edition [1] seems much refined for rigor, which seems impacting the basic premise of the book! So consider buying an older edition.

2. The challenge for me wasn't just difficulty in talking, but a limitation of interest and knowledge outside of the STEM fields. This then becomes a vicious cycle since you would not talk to people and not even learn about topics outside of work. Build some common interests outside of work, may be just by reading some books in isolation. Read a lot of news, as a lot of conversations build on it.

3. Early on, I used to be the silent one in many conversations because of #2 above. I started participating in the conversations simply by asking questions on what I did not understand. Asking too many questions annoys people, so need to be balanced. Read about the discussed topics offline afterwards as needed. Over the time, you get to understand those conversations, will start participating, and also, those people would start accommodating you while calibrating themselves for you with the skill level you have.

4. The people around would accommodate you, as far as they do not see it as your lacking interest in them. It's better to be seen as a person lacking people skills rather than as one lacking interest in them. Try not to miss lunches and dinners opportunities at work, even if you are not talking much there.

5. One-to-one conversations are easier. Break the ice with those. Soon you would be comfortable in a group setting where you are comfortable with say half of the people.

6. Join social media and make connections with all those people. Being behind a keyboard instead of face-to-face helps because you get more time to think how to respond. Do genuinely participate, click Likes, etc. This will not only develop connections with those people, but also slowly make you better for live verbal conversations.

[1] https://www.amazon.com/Human-Relationships-Steve-Duck/dp/141...

Can you give specific recommendations?

A few things:

1. No one considers you "that odd guy"

2. No one is that worried that you don't hang out at work place events

Your manager and coworkers should see that you get stuff done. For the most part, people don't care that much to evaluate you for being the odd guy or how social you are. People will judge you if your outward behavior are standard deviations off or if you're difficult to work with.

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Your interaction with the marketing team shows that you need to learn some confidence about speaking up on things that aren't very clear. It's going to take practice to fix that. Escalate higher up to get guidence on that.