Also INTP, also run a company, also work too much. What makes me happy? Mostly travel and my kid, but also the satisfaction of achieving success at complex goals. And food, sometimes. I know this amount of work is unsustainable and accept that I will work too hard for awhile and relax more later. It's OK.
Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
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Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#72I am single, live alone (with a blind dog I am re-teaching to hike with me), and work as a software developer exclusively remote. I started a meetup to teach aspiring developers that has evolved into a "stitch-and-bitch" where everyone teaches, got a side-hustle teaching and guiding sea kayak trips, and volunteer as a snowboard instructor. I probably sound like a jock, but you would recognize me as a nerd. And I am HAPPY!
0. Quit your job. I know this isn't reasonable for most people, but it was the best move toward happiness I ever made. I just hit ten years without full-time employment. 1. Create a hobby for yourself and become skilled or expert in something outside of work. 2. Start a meetup. The one I started came from working out of the local coffee shop when the baristo asked if I could help him learn html/css/js. 3. Find a side-hustle. I need new challenges, and while software engineering provides loads of those, that is just "tagging up". 4. Volunteer. Give time to your communities. 5. Exercise. Your biz probably keeps your mind sharp, but keeping your body sharp will yield tremendous mental dividends. As a kid, when I complained about doing school work, my mom would tell me to do 100 pushups. 6. Read. For pleasure as well as for work. 7. Meditate.
Going back to school has its appeal, but has financial and opportunity costs. I was an unmotivated student and only performed academically when I took too few or too many classes.
You have created an illusion for yourself around time, an illusion that it is moving quickly and that you don't have any. You don't have any because you don't TAKE IT. Is there anything you always wanted to do? Go do it! Tell your team that you are taking an afternoon off every week to pursue X.
I always liked the notion not of "human being" but rather "human becoming".
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#73I am single, live alone (with a blind dog I am re-teaching to hike with me), and work as a software developer exclusively remote. I started a meetup to teach aspiring developers that has evolved into a "stitch-and-bitch" where everyone teaches, got a side-hustle teaching and guiding sea kayak trips, and volunteer as a snowboard instructor. I probably sound like a jock, but you would recognize me as a nerd. And I am H…
How do you deal with financial stress? There's a study that says that financial stress has a big impact on one's health and can even lower one's IQ by 13 points.
http://www.nj.com/mercer/index.ssf/2013/09/princeton_univers...
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#74If you want to meet lots of new people and mostly techy/nerdy ones, go learn some partner dancing. You may be thinking it's not for introverts, or people without skills, but you'd be wrong. (I was both when I started) As long as you enjoy some danceable music, and live in a city, you can probably find a place to learn. You'll end up going to some evening events very shortly and talking to lots of random people in a f…
+1 on social dancing. There are explicit rules about the interaction, which makes it less exhausting than freeform chat.
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#75I pick up litter from my local beach.
:) I like washing utensils, it's very peaceful watching the stream of water clean them away... But it's temporary. I was looking for more of a longer-term over-arching stuff.
Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#76You do not gain sufficient happiness from your startup's financial success?
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#77I am deeply introverted and I forced myself to go to meetups very often until I got over it being uncomfortable. It took a long time until I found/made my current "friend group" but you will find those people you click with eventually. For me, the key was finding a single really good friend who had a lot of other friends she introduced me to.
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#78Be comfortable being you, and take steps to be "more you". Acting in an unnatural way to fit social conventions is a lot of work and often a waste of time unless it's to achieve a short-term goal (e.g. get funding, land a customer, find a partner).
Find time to tackle those interesting problems, even if it's outside of a formal academic environment. Get blogging, vlogging, maybe socialize online more if you're short of time. Doing the things you naturally want to do will re-energize you significantly as an INT* (I'm an INTJ) - if that's work, SO BE IT and ignore anyone who complains about being a "workaholic".
Also, if you are not a people person, don't feel pressured to become one. I have felt this pressure for years and am finally starting to realize it's "OK" for me to prefer my own company. Contrary to many other comments here, you do not necessarily have to force yourself out to social events if you know they ultimately don't work for you (but if they do, go for it!)
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#79Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yes but I found the definition I gave much more helpful to explain to people as an starting point, in one sentence or two. It helps dispel the relationship with happiness, (in)ability to change and other false dichotomies.
OK but you're skipping over the central point that the energy drain disappears as a person grows more "skilled" in extroversion. You're welcome to disagree, but your comment is closer to ignoring the entire debate than addressing it :)
I'm not sure that's true. There are alternative possibilities: That one learns to predict (some kinds of) people. That one's obsessed with a series of topics that gets oneself bored when not being able to discuss, etc. There's many, many small reasons an introvert's energy is depleted, that is not just "being with people".
As an anecdotal data point, I was very introvert and I did learn to "be extrovert" and many people wouldn't notice at all, but at the end of the day I need to be alone, sometimes for days to recover and be productive again.
Even though it's anecdotal I think we can't generalize and say "introversion doesn't exist". There's a lot of factors involved. Stuff may be even more complex when dealing with an ASD.
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#80Long walks on the beach