Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#691

Post by losthobbies » Mon, Jan 06, 2020, 11:22 AM UTC

thrownaway954 wrote: post #613

md5wasp wrote: post #162

Hi there, I did the exact same thing as you (at Google Sydney), before eventually deciding that I must strike out into the wilderness. In the few years since I left; I worked as a solutions architect managing a team, a team lead, a remote dev, and now in a startup. Front-end, back-end, flip-side, all the ends. So I've been deliberately trying different angles of my career to see what suits. I'd describe this process…

"If you stay at Google, make the most of it by progressing deliberately in your social life. If I'd've stayed, I could have comfortably raised some kids with my wife by now - but that's still on the todo list." THIS all the way. When we are young, we think that we will be remembered by the company that we worked for and the people that we worked with. The sad truth is that in 99.9999% none of those people will rememb…

When I had dark thoughts I went to a doctor and talked it out and it really helped. It doesn't have to be a doctor but try and talk it out with someone.

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#692

Post by glangdale » Mon, Jan 06, 2020, 11:24 AM UTC

apatters wrote: post #569

glangdale wrote: post #494

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I like how a guy earning a fairly unremarkable-when-we-adjust-for-cost-of-living salary with a bunch of fairly unimpressive table-stakes credentials: "clean cut, well-spoken, hard working, respectful" (whaddaya want? a cookie?) is meant to be a Amazing Pussy Magnet. One of the major factors - aside from the gender ratio - behind tech guys not finding partners is this weird expectation that if they shave, clip their f…

I suspect most of them were told (by their mothers, continuously for the first 20 years of their lives) that this was in fact the way to land a good woman. Be a nice clean cut guy and earn $120K a year. If you know so much then what's your prescription for them?

Well, first of all, lose that sense of entitlement. It's hard to think of much that's less appealing than petulance.

It's also a pretty great way to blind yourself to what 'league' you're actually in. A number of my tech friends have wasted an extraordinary amount of time chasing women absurdly out of their league because they've been convinced that "having a decent job", "being well-spoken" and "eating with their mouths closed" somehow puts them in the top 3% of desirable men. Really, no.

Second, go have a life. You know, other activities outside work? Socializing? This is important anyhow. Preferably do activities because you're interested in them and socialize with people you like, not because you're there to "pick up chicks". Nothing is more tiring than dudes relentlessly on the make in every situation.

This isn't guaranteed to work... especially with dire male/female ratios (although not living like a schlub probably evens the odds a bit). And plenty of people are just really unattractive, uncharismatic, whatever. Not sure what to do then.

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#693

Post by philosopher1234 » Mon, Jan 06, 2020, 11:33 AM UTC

glangdale wrote: post #690

_jgdh wrote: post #591

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m going to guess they won’t have an answer to your question of how single men in the Bay Area working on themselves and “becoming interesting” will suddenly make tens of thousands of single women materialise in the Bay Area. It was merely a rant about how they felt people shouldn’t feel entitled to anything and that expecting to be able to date if you’ve got your life in order is too much entitlement.

This is a strange response, mostly a wilful misreading of what I wrote. But yes, having your "life in order" isn't actually all that shit-hot, and yes, "expecting to be able to date" if you're not very interesting is actually "too much entitlement". Because last time I checked, "expecting to be able to date" involves the decisions of other people and you're not really generally entitled for other people to do much mo…

Why do you need to be “hot shit” in order to date? Why isn’t being able to provide for your SO emotionally/physically/financially sufficient?

By your standards I’m not hot shit but my girlfriend loves me so I’m wondering why I should even care what you think?

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#694

Post by ChrisMarshallNY » Mon, Jan 06, 2020, 11:34 AM UTC

walshemj wrote: post #246

ChrisMarshallNY wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Why name the company? Especially that one. I'll bet they know, by now (maybe they already did, and don't care. Google is famous for leveraging their -and our- data). I've found that many corporations are willing to settle for fairly mediocre work, as long as the processes are followed, and the cheese not moved. Having especially brilliant folks in place, means that if there is a problem, they have the bandwidth to…

Depends on country in Anglo Saxon law (UK USA) its the norm. And many European countries eg Germany just have it as part of the general labor law - so you wouldn't see it in a "contract"

So, just to be clear, if you are working for any corporation, in any job, the corporation has full rights to all your work, and all your ideas, by law?

This explains why Germans always seemed so surprised when I mentioned my extracurricular work to them.

Must make moonlighting difficult.

Also, I’m almost positive that the reason my company did not have the clause, was because they hired many high-level creative folks, with lifelong side businesses.

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#695

Post by iso1210 » Mon, Jan 06, 2020, 11:37 AM UTC

ChuckNorris89 wrote: post #187

dhuyrv wrote: post #130

You remind me myself a few years ago: a talented, but bored slacker who didn't see any point in investing any energy into that project. Turns out I was right: the project didn't go anywhere after I left and investing any extra time would be a clueless thing to do. So what's changed since then? Have I found meaning in work? No! I've become a professional slacker who knows all these psychological tricks, knows what bod…

This blows my mind that in the US one can make such insane money in tech while still being a slacker and retire early with a dream house bought and paid for while in Europe devs are slaving away through SCRUM powered meat grinders burning themselves out for a 3% salary increase on a pitiful 40-80k/year, no stock options, without any hope of early retirement or owning a decent home without a 30 year loan or financial…

> Reading OPs problem and some posts here where people are too bored of making ludicrous money left me with a bitter aftertaste that life really is unfair and success in life is more linked to the lottery of birth and opportunities available to you than any amount of hard work. Not hating, just saying.

This is of course true, which is why I much prefer European social democracy "loser wins some" to the US "winner takes all" approach.

But people born with luck don't tend to realise it

You were born in the west. You didn't starve as a child as the rains failed, meaning your brain didn't develop even if you did live to see your 5th birthday. You had access to clean drinking water. You went to school, you learnt to read and write. You didn't get drafted as a drugs mule age 8. You weren't forced to murder someone as an initiation rite age 15. You didn't have to risk your lives crossing rivers and seas to get to a safe country to work for $10 a day with no safety or rights because you were in the country illegally.

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#696

Post by gorn » Mon, Jan 06, 2020, 11:39 AM UTC

aphextron wrote: post #152

dhuyrv wrote: post #130

You remind me myself a few years ago: a talented, but bored slacker who didn't see any point in investing any energy into that project. Turns out I was right: the project didn't go anywhere after I left and investing any extra time would be a clueless thing to do. So what's changed since then? Have I found meaning in work? No! I've become a professional slacker who knows all these psychological tricks, knows what bod…

>I've become a professional slacker who knows all these psychological tricks, knows what body language to use to make the desired impression, what to say and what not to say. My managers think I'm a high performer who also makes valuable social contributions to our team and this is reflected in pay rises. i.e. the Gervais principle [0] [0] https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/10/07/the-gervais-principle-...

Great read! Thanks.

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#697

Post by SamPatt » Mon, Jan 06, 2020, 11:39 AM UTC

username90 wrote: post #538

Zenbit_UX wrote: post #523

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> she'd find at least one guy who is an exec or VC making 7 figures per year, and it would usually be a match. > "120k/year"? You'd make her laugh. I don't understand this fixation on earnings, I wasn't making half that when I found my partner. Making 7 figures won't get you a girlfriend, but thinking it will makes it likely any partner you do find won't stick around long. One of two things are happening, either a, a…

Women find men with more money to be more attractive. It isn't the only factor, but it is a significant factor like for example height. > "A man can move himself two points higher on the attractiveness scale we used if his salary increases by a factor of 10," study author John Speakman told The Times. https://www.newshub.co.nz/home/world/2018/01/women-are-more-...

The book "The Red Queen" by Matt Ridley goes into depth about how men and women choose their mates, based largely on evolutionary biology.

People treat it like a character flaw for a woman to choose a man based on wealth and status, but why? A woman committing to a relationship likely means pregnancy and that requires resources and protection for years and years.

That's how it's been for hundreds of thousands of years. Expecting widespread birth control and changing societal norms to overcome all those years of evolution in only a few generations seems foolish.

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#698

Post by barry-cotter » Mon, Jan 06, 2020, 11:43 AM UTC

philosopher1234 wrote: post #650

duelingjello wrote: post #603

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Women make boys into women. Men need to grow a pair, throw away some conventions, gain nuanced judgement by learning from thousands of interactions. There’s no substitute for experience. Build a fun life and fun people will seek out that wavelength; build a boring life and similar will surround you as well. Do it all while you’re still young and healthy because doors will gradually close.

Why is being a competent, stable, kind adult not enough to be in a healthy relationship? Is it better to be mcjagger than mr Rogers? What I bring to my relationship isn’t primarily mystery or entertainment or coolness or “being interesting”, but an emotional connection, stability, and love. Everyone here is talking like that’s not good enough and I don’t understand why. Clearly it is enough for my girlfriend and it’s…

> Why is being a competent, stable, kind adult not enough to be in a healthy relationship?

Because no one owes you shit. If you don’t like your circumstances change them. Either change yourself or change your surroundings. You are not owed a relationship of any kind, for any reason. Being a single man in the Bay Area is pretty awful because of the ratio, even if you are reasonably good looking, professionally successful and confident. It’s no fun being a young professional woman in New York City either. The ratio is the ratio; it has its effects. People give women marginally more lip service sympathy but they do exactly as much to actually help. Nothing.

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#699

Post by swiley » Mon, Jan 06, 2020, 11:45 AM UTC

apatters wrote: post #569

glangdale wrote: post #494

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I like how a guy earning a fairly unremarkable-when-we-adjust-for-cost-of-living salary with a bunch of fairly unimpressive table-stakes credentials: "clean cut, well-spoken, hard working, respectful" (whaddaya want? a cookie?) is meant to be a Amazing Pussy Magnet. One of the major factors - aside from the gender ratio - behind tech guys not finding partners is this weird expectation that if they shave, clip their f…

I suspect most of them were told (by their mothers, continuously for the first 20 years of their lives) that this was in fact the way to land a good woman. Be a nice clean cut guy and earn $120K a year. If you know so much then what's your prescription for them?

If there’s one thing I know about dating it’s “don’t take your mom’s advice.” So little of it appears to be grounded in reality.

Wearing dress shirts instead of t-shirts was a good idea though.

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#700

Post by barry-cotter » Mon, Jan 06, 2020, 11:47 AM UTC

olalonde wrote: post #629

mikeymz wrote: post #564

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"so-so women" Wtf dude.

I'm not a native speaker, didn't mean to be offensive. I just meant that there's a lot of couples where the male half seems to score quite a bit higher on attractiveness, career, appeal, etc. I should note that this observation was also shared by my wife. Changed the wording.

Don’t apologize to people who are attacking you. It just encourages them.