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Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

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Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#681

Post by sombragris »

At 38 I had a home of my own, a lot of unfinished education but no university degree at all. Finally with the support of my folks I entered law school, graduated at 43 (here it's a 5-year degree with thesis) summa cum laude, got my master's degree, and entered academia as an university professor. I'm 52 now and while life is not perfect, it's much better than it used to be before that turining point.

As long as you are alive and moderately well, any day is good for a fresh start. The important part is to keep advancing towards your goal. If you do that, every day is going to place you a little bit closer to that. Even though you don't feel like it, you'll eventually get there. I encourage you to take stock of your potential and realize it and wish you the best.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#683

Post by roughly »

crtified wrote: post #614
mancerayder wrote: post #588

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't disagree with anything you've said, and I don't think therapy is useless. Especially when one is past a point where there are few other options. It's just a sad state of affairs that there are so few other options for people. I continue to pin the blame on the remote-first nature of society, which seems to make in person interaction secondary. It perpetuates loneliness which perpetuates mental health issues.

Jumping in here. I suspect that the number of people who could benefit from quality therapy, greatly outnumbers the amount of quality therapists that exist in the world. To the point where, I surmise, a vast majority of the world's population simply would not have meaningful access to it, due to location, finances, availability, introversion, etc. So for me, it's not that "get therapy" is bad advice. Good thing is go…

Honestly, echoing some of mancerayder's sentiment here - I actually think there's a ton of mileage one can get from a not particularly extensively trained listening partner - I think there are cases where you genuinely need a highly qualified therapist, I think there are situations where an under-qualified individual can do a great deal of harm when dealing with someone with particular types of mental issues, but I think there's also a huge amount of therapy that can be done by someone a whole lot closer to an RN or a PA than an MD.

I also suspect that the broad lack of coverage for therapy and other kinds of mental care in most medical plans, as well as a "treatment/cure"-type paradigm when it IS covered ("we expect your 40 years of accumulated neurosis to be adequately addressed within 6 months, otherwise we're not going to pay anymore") is part of why this is out of reach for many people.

(I also suspect providing the population with broad access to mental health care would almost immediately pay for itself in terms of better physical health outcomes, improvements in the crime rate, and better economic outcomes, but that's the kind of second- and third-order thinking we're pretty notoriously bad at in this country, policy-wise)

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#684

Post by rasengan0 »

rasengan0 wrote: post #629

Do not overlook serendipity (the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.) My entire life 20 years ago was changed by a dance class to get more social activity absent from a breakup. Therapy, spiritual counsel, exercise, diet, rest, nature, purpose, social network, death of loved ones, illness, blah, blah blah all may have had their place, but it was only circumstance that I truly…

https://youtu.be/zWrwPr1OEuk <-- more wisdom here than the entire thread

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#685

Post by paparush »

I became committed to running at age 40. I'm 56 now and running is still a large part of my life. Exercise helps improve my mood, gives me time to just focus on myself, has helped my self esteem as I've improved and taken on longer distances, has given me some sense of community among other runners.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#686

Post by rjzzleep »

G3rn0ti wrote: post #564
rjzzleep wrote: post #329

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Having worked in Germany's healthcare system, specifically in Hamburg, I can only see one trajectory. Worse. The policymakers are deeply corrupt and doing everything they can to squeeze more money out of patients. You can book therapists online next week in the US, but they're not cheap.

> The policymakers are deeply corrupt and doing everything they can to squeeze more money out of patients. The problem is more related to the problem of „fixed budgets“. Every health practitioner in Germany’s public health system receives a fixed quota of money per quarter. In regions with few doctors and therapists this means practitioners would operate on a loss if they accept too many patients. That’s why you wait…

It's actually not just because of that and it's not as simple as "it's just because of fixed budgets". The fundamental problem just like with most places there is in fact corruption(there is a lot to talk about here actually), and a decades long misunderstanding of basic economics. I.e. until 2019, which is when I finally gave up on it, most people in leadership for decades fundamentally disagree that it's unsustainable that the budget is not balanced. I.e. the money that comes into KV's from insurance and the money that is being paid to doctors is not balanced.

First of all the fixed budget don't apply for everything, there are budgeting hierarchies. Radiology for example is not limited at all. First radiologists get paid whichever amount they want.

Second, when migrants flooded the healthcare system the following happened:

- The political leadership of Germany had a meeting with the political leadership of the healthcare system

- Due to the lack of technical competence on the side of the political leadership of the healthcare system they threw the migrants into a special accounting bucket. I think it was 4, but I don't fully remember

- The accounting bucket was chosen mainly because the custom made accounting system had been built over decade and most of the knowledge about it is either retired or dead and no political leader wants to invest in changing it, because nobody wants to be responsible if there is a problem with doctor payouts for one quarter during a migration.

- The leadership of the KVs were too scared to touch their own accounting system and as a result searched for an accounting bracket to dump migrants in.

- The only two states that were competent enough to build their own that is easy to change were Schleswig-Holstein and Bavaria.

- The migrants are outside of fixed budgets due to the special status are in, meaning that if a German retiree goes to the doctor the second time at the end of the month the doctor is not paid, but if an asylum seeker goes 10 times the doctor gets paid in full 10 ten times. It creates an imbalance in who certain doctors would like to treat.

During one of the sessions with the policymakers in Hamburg the leadership openly said that they would like it to be more like the dentist situation, where only basic care is covered and the rest is paid in private.

You have to understand that German retirement money can be as low as 40% of your last working salary, which is extremely low for most people and it's the lowest of all of western Europe. Although I imagine that after this whole evaporating European wealth for Ukraine the situation might end up looking even worse in other places of Europe.

The whole situation is completely avoided, but the political leadership has been systematically blocking attempts at solving the technical challenges. They have inherited a system that was built for a completely different demographic of Germany decades ago and have refused to reform it, because they are extremely scared that they would lose the support of the doctors that elect them.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#687

Post by csomar »

mancerayder wrote: post #537
kemiller2002 wrote: post #4

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

> You need to see a therapist You should reword that. Otherwise how did humanity last this long? Psychotherapy is less than two centuries old. You should instead say something like, "One option is to see a therapist." There are friends, elders, books, and a number of other ways to climb out of a mental rut. Traipsing "Psychology Today" for a therapist who will charge the insurance $150 for 40 minutes of a session, th…

> Otherwise how did humanity last this long?

Religion and procreation?

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#688

Post by c0nsumer »

soheil wrote: post #237
c0nsumer wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And A decent therapist is better than an ideal one. Just getting started talking to someone is key.

It depends. If you're in a serious rut I seriously think a therapist could make it worse. You need the right fit who your brain is not going to dismiss the moment they open their mouth.

What you're illustrating there is a self-perpetuating problem: the therapist I pick might not good, so I shouldn't talk to a therapist.

Starting to talk to someone is key; that gets the process rolling. Asking for help is the start, and after doing that if one doesn't get a satisfying answer, they can ask someone else. But if they never take that first step and try to ask, they've gone nowhere.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#689

Post by Ahmad_omar »

Lost my father, single guy, 37 years old, I was employed not in my field of education, but it was very curious as more I was reading your story it was like I was reading mine (with some few differences)

I was in the same situation, but in the last five years I changed slowly but steadily to a positive mindset

I was rised with the idea of becoming stable financially, get a wife and 2 kids. This idea was not due of my parents but I was imbibing the 'unattended script' of the society we are living in

More I get older and more I realize that I was in an infinite rotating water sink. Nothing was really working 'as recommended' by the society. And here began the negative infinite sink effect for me

I was keeping struggling for long periods and little by little I was discovering that all people around me and literally all people around this world have their own specific troubles in life. It may sounds weired, since this fact is known by all. But how about feeling it as a reality and understanding that really no one's life is pink.

That was a good starting point for me, then I began to take some of my spare time to think about life, I mean thinking about 'childish life concept' I was driven in from the start. Yes it is as harsh and extreme mind reaction when you are struggling. And you finish easily in the rebels side just like that

And there again I started to ask my self, is it really the solution to switch from a struggling mindset to a rebel mindset ? 'Clearly not' I was telling myself. And here I felt I found the right thinking: 'how about a balance ?'

'Balance' was the pivot point for me. And I started to climb all the way till the problem root: I was living a materialistic life, money, wife, kids, car, home, travel... Not even a second for my soul health in between!

I have just started to look to the side of religion to nourish my soul while nourishing my body and my desires with the materialistic side of life. I just discovered that having something bigger, greater and more valuable to believe in, than just to believe in few money cents, was making my life more enjoyable to live again

The other day, my mother dropped one of my favorite mugs, she was telling me how she was sorry to broke it while it's my favourite! I was feeling happiness to tell here that's nothing more than a simple cup, and I'm grateful that she didn't get hurt. I was feeling it coming from the heart.

I realize more than before that emotions, belief, money and all the stuff have their place in our life. Never to focus on one side and forget one of the others.

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