I would have identified a lot with what you said, several years ago.
The key advice I'd give: realize you are sabotaging your own relationships when you don't tell your partners how you feel about something.
This is not helping them, you, or the relationship out. It may feel like that because there's "less" arguing, but ultimately you're just poisoning trust in the relationship.
As proof, why do you think your partners might react so negatively when you do put your foot down? I'd offer it's because they're surprised. Completely blindsided. Feeling like they don't know you at all. This doesn't lead to comfort and intimacy.
I'm not saying argue about what kind of food to eat every night, but there's a huge spectrum of communication options between "I agree" and "Let's fight about this." Use them. If you're annoyed by something, say so. If something makes you smile slightly, say so.
Real relationships are built by deepening trust by letting your partner know the real you. Not the "Sure, whatever you want" you. Even if you only have a slight preference.
Constructively arguing, without overly hurt feelings on either side, is a skill like any other. You're not going to get better if you only do it once a year.
And finally... express your own needs. If she isn't doing things for you too, then (a) you aren't being vocal enough about the things that make you happy or (b) she just doesn't care.
Sometimes people just aren't well matched for each other. But I think more often, one "quiet" partner never speaks up about the things they want / need / don't want. And so your partner (who is not a mind-reader) just... doesn't.
Thus, you're unhappy. She's unhappy that you're unhappy. Relationship falls apart.
tl;dr - Sometimes being pushier (in a respectful, active-listening, considerate way) leads to less conflict and more happiness in a relationship.
Don't be scared to be the real you. If they don't like that person, then either work to change or break things off. No one should have to live hiding themselves.