Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?

#621

Post by ROTMetro » Mon, Jan 30, 2023, 5:41 PM UTC

Telling myself that I have no worth. Thinking that lead me to believe the only way to demonstrate my worth is to be superman at work. Being superman allowed me to demonstrate my value each day (corresponds to the 'but what have you done for me lately' mindset of American tech culture), allowed me to get validation that I was not worthless. That drive helped me professionally, which helped me demonstrate my worth as a provider, because obviously without the nice house, new cars, etc my wife would leave me (even though she didn't ask for these things). Being superman burned me out and took up all my time. Which lead to worse relationships with my wife/kids, which re-enforced I had no value/worth. We tried an external solution of moving to the countryside. But ultimately my thinking broke me completely. My court ordered rehab counselor trips out on it. He's like dude, you are a person, you lived better than I ever will, you helped tens of thousands of people in a demonstrable way (software I wrote and was the name on patents for had some life changing impacts), all of the women in this office comment on how it's crazy you are attractive and have no partner, talking to you you are well educated, present yourself well and people like you. In group you are the natural leader. Dude none of your thinking makes any sense. I hear him say it, but inside I know. I put on a good show, I can convince people I am a person, but I know the truth. I have no value. Everyone in group will see through and realize it eventually. I don't know how to change this or get past it.

But I want to. I want friends. But I can't accept friends, because they will find out I have no worth, so I only have acquaintances. Honestly, I want my best friend back, my ex, but that is way gone.

Being superman != a way to measure your worth. Work != the value of you. You != nothing.

Be kind to yourself, show yourself love. You have value. I know that you do. If only I knew that I do too.

Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?

#622

Post by rramadass » Mon, Jan 30, 2023, 5:41 PM UTC

prometheus76 wrote: post #43

Chef knives are designed to be held by pinching the blade between the forefinger and the thumb, and wrapping the rest of your fingers around the handle. I used to wrap all my fingers around the handle, until Jacques Pepin showed me how to do it properly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMA2SqaDgG8

Dang! I just finished watching your half-hour video on how to cut/dice vegetables :-)

There is something which grabs your attention and fills you with admiration when you see a Master displaying his expertise so effortlessly and easily.

I am now going to watch more of Mr. Jacques Pepin.

Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?

#623

Post by timerol » Mon, Jan 30, 2023, 5:42 PM UTC

captn3m0 wrote: post #345

I walked wrong. When I was around 11 years old, a relative pointed out that my gait was weird because I placed the front-of-the-foot on the ground before the heel. I'm not sure if I'd done this for all my life, or if it was a recent habit, but once it was pointed out - I fixed it immediately, to the point where I forgot my old gait by the next few days.

Based on modern understanding of walking ergonomics, it would be better for you to go back to your 11 year old walking style

Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?

#624

Post by SpeedilyDamage » Mon, Jan 30, 2023, 5:43 PM UTC

Waterluvian wrote: post #376

rjmill wrote: post #152

When my then-gf/now-wife and I first moved in together, I got really mad at her because she kept "hiding" my stuff when I left it out for more than a day. I couldn't find anything! At some point, I yelled, "It's like you don't even want to see any of my things when I'm not using them!" Then I stopped for a second. For the first time in my life, it made sense. The whole point of putting things away is to hide them! No…

My wife and I have a rule, "everything needs to have a home." Because if it doesn't have a home, it becomes clutter, and after enough clutter, it finds a home... usually a sub-optimal one, like a junk drawer. The kids (4 and 5) have adapted to this wonderfully. It really helps them. It makes cleanup a trivial task because everything is known to belong somewhere specific. Related to this: the recognition that everythi…

Heh, reading this I can’t help but think of how different the perception of what your kids are feeling is vs what they’re actually feeling.

“This is great for the kids!” Maybe! Or, equally plausibly it’s annoying, but they don’t tell you.

Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?

#625

Post by datastoat » Mon, Jan 30, 2023, 5:43 PM UTC

jaqalopes wrote: post #298

KVFinn wrote: post #2

You aren't supposed to rinse your mouth with water after brushing your teeth. You're supposed to spit excess, but leave the toothpaste on to absorb.

This is one where I KNOW I do it wrong. The dentist prescribed me a hardcore sensitivity toothpaste for an issue, but emphasized that it will only work if I don't rinse after brushing. But... I just can't not rinse after 30 years of muscle memory. I generally remember this right as I'm rinsing. The sensitivity toothpaste has not worked, of course.

I’m in the same boat as you — sensitive teeth, but can’t not rinse. What works for me is to treat the toothpaste as a “post-rinse medicated rub”: squeeze out a bit more, and rub it over the most sensitive teeth.

Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?

#626

Post by unzadunza » Mon, Jan 30, 2023, 5:44 PM UTC

unzadunza wrote: post #64

For 30 years I sang "whoa-a, head waving" instead of "whoa-a, we're halfway there"

And my favorite one from my wife:

A modern day warrior Mean, mean stride Today's Tom Sawyer Mean, mean guy

Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?

#627

Post by layer8 » Mon, Jan 30, 2023, 5:44 PM UTC

Dave3of5 wrote: post #323

Care about what the company I'm working with is making. If I'm not heavily in equity and it's just a job then I shouldn't be giving a dam about they are making. I should only be interesting in what they are paying me and the benefits I get from working at the company. I used to get real upset when the codebase I working on was shit and even left companies due to this. In reality what was more important was those comp…

Pretty sad to spend half your waking time making something you don’t care about.

Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?

#628

Post by rrgok » Mon, Jan 30, 2023, 5:44 PM UTC

stronglikedan wrote: post #504

How to blow my nose. I used to have to find a bathroom to blow my nose, because I couldn't figure out how to keep it from going everywhere, while still getting it emptied. I just recently learned the proper way in my late 40s.

So, how is done properly? I cannot blow without blocking one nostril.

Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?

#629

Post by keepquestioning » Mon, Jan 30, 2023, 5:45 PM UTC

racl101 wrote: post #585

That barring any real medical issue ... intermittent fasting is hard. We just think it is. Every time I tried it, I'd sabotage my efforts not knowing by chewing gum, eating tic tacs, using flavored tea, etc this would just trigger my insulin response and I'd get hungry throughout the day. All I had to do, is just simplify my intake to any of these: water, black coffee, black tea or any tea with a bitter profile. And…

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Re: Ask HN: Something you’ve done your whole life that you realized is wrong?

#630

Post by ROTMetro » Mon, Jan 30, 2023, 5:45 PM UTC

balfirevic wrote: post #517

mtlynch wrote: post #33

Staying warm. In the winter, I used to stay warm by turning up the thermostat. Then I discovered (via HN) the Low-Tech Magazine article, "Insulation: first the body, then the home." [0] The article argued that it's much more efficient to focus on heating yourself rather than your whole living space. I invested in high-quality wool clothes that I wear in layers and warm slippers. Now, I keep my home about 5 degrees F…

Funny, it's only after moving away from my parents and going to college that I learned that you can heat your home so that it's comfortable. No need to dread such things as entering the cold bed at night, leaving the warm bed in the morning or sitting on the cold toilet seat. I wish floor heating was more widespread where I live.

In floor heating with a geothermal heat pump = winning :) The upfront cost is a killer but quality of life wise afterwards oh man. Zero cold spots and unlimited hot water as a bonus side effect. Especially amazing when you live in the mountains.