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Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

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Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#621

Post by xenihn »

clomond wrote: post #601
NeverFade wrote: post #579

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Become a multi-deminsional, multi-faceted person. According to census statistics, there are 1.63 single men for every 1 woman in Marin County. 1.34 single men per single woman in San Mateo County. 1.55 single men per single woman in Santa Clara County. So I really like your advice; if every man in the Bay became a "multi-deminsional, multi-faceted person", they would transcend the boundaries of plain arithmetic so…

Solving the dating problem was not the question. > "How does one become more interesting" Sure, you can change your environment to be more *relatively interesting. But that was also not the core of the question as I understand it. Rather, providing a method or tips to be more OBJECTIVELY interesting today than your yesterdays self is something useful in any kind of 'dating market'.

How to become more interesting (as a guy in the bay area):

- Make (significantly) more money (than most other guys in the bay area)

- Be more attractive (than most other guys in the bay area)

Making $120k in the bay area obviously isn't impressive. Neither is being fit without being on gear. It's all about the other guys around you. Both quality and quantity. These things would make you interesting in other parts of the country, or outside of the USA. Not here, though.

Now how about $500k? You can afford a starter home, a nice car, custom-tailored clothing. Plastic surgery if you think you need it.

You're presumably good at something that you're passionate about if you're being paid that much, even if it's "just" software engineering, and that's something people like. You can even date other software engineers who will be impressed by your skills and knowledge. Yeah the gender ratio sucks, but this is also the best place in the world to make your dual-FAANG-engineer-income power-couple dream come true.

Come up with something that isn't (video/board)gaming, cycling, bouldering, or photography, that you do maybe once a month and say it's your hobby. Yoga is a decent choice.

Grats, you're now interesting. Assuming you don't have any physical or psychological dealbreakers that can't be overlooked no matter how rich or ripped you get, that is.

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#622

Post by [deleted] »

rayiner wrote: post #460
Galanwe wrote: post #338

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> in Europe devs are slaving away through SCRUM powered meat grinders burning themselves out for a 3% salary increase on a pitiful 40-80k/year There is so much wrong in this sentence. First, there is no more “meat grinders” in the US than in Europe. I worked at Microsoft and Criteo in Europe, and the slacking there seems to be on par with what OP describes. You mention 40/80k per year being pitiful? This kind of remu…

> Also, please, bear in mind that you cannot directly compare US and EU salaries. Your 80k€ gross in e.g. France should be the equivalent of $150k for a US worker; if you account for the same level of medical care and retirement savings. Not much of a difference after you realise this. What makes you think that? As to retirement savings, American retirement payments replace 70% of working income on average, versus 60…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#623

Post by lordgrenville »

thrownaway954 wrote: post #613
md5wasp wrote: post #162

Hi there, I did the exact same thing as you (at Google Sydney), before eventually deciding that I must strike out into the wilderness. In the few years since I left; I worked as a solutions architect managing a team, a team lead, a remote dev, and now in a startup. Front-end, back-end, flip-side, all the ends. So I've been deliberately trying different angles of my career to see what suits. I'd describe this process…

"If you stay at Google, make the most of it by progressing deliberately in your social life. If I'd've stayed, I could have comfortably raised some kids with my wife by now - but that's still on the todo list." THIS all the way. When we are young, we think that we will be remembered by the company that we worked for and the people that we worked with. The sad truth is that in 99.9999% none of those people will rememb…

I encourage you to reach out to others in the same place - r/SuicideWatch/ is a good place to start. I don't know you or what you've been through but I am certain there are things in your life that are still worth living for.

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#624

Post by bixcoito »

thrownaway954 wrote: post #613
md5wasp wrote: post #162

Hi there, I did the exact same thing as you (at Google Sydney), before eventually deciding that I must strike out into the wilderness. In the few years since I left; I worked as a solutions architect managing a team, a team lead, a remote dev, and now in a startup. Front-end, back-end, flip-side, all the ends. So I've been deliberately trying different angles of my career to see what suits. I'd describe this process…

"If you stay at Google, make the most of it by progressing deliberately in your social life. If I'd've stayed, I could have comfortably raised some kids with my wife by now - but that's still on the todo list." THIS all the way. When we are young, we think that we will be remembered by the company that we worked for and the people that we worked with. The sad truth is that in 99.9999% none of those people will rememb…

Just the act to say loud everything you got trough and what you think is a step to move forward. Be strong and the light to share the others what you did wrong and find the path to make you happy.

Hanging in there buddy :)

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#625

Post by LockAndLol »

Either:

- invest yourself in a project to learn as much as you can - start or join a project at home that you believe in. It doesn't have to be code; community outreach, gardening, repairing a car, taking some moocs, making wine or soap or beer or whatever

But most importantly, save up the money you're making there (it should be pretty good) and then take time off for yourself to decide what you want to do. When you're financially secure, your options are open.

By "financially secure" I do mean having money in your savings to sustain yourself for at least a few months or years. Speaking from personal experience, it's a load off of your shoulders when you can sit down and really decide on what you want to do without financial pressure. You can ask to work on 4 days a week, join a movement, travel the world, work on opensource or that contraption in the garage, learn something new, whatever.

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#626

Post by buboard »

glangdale wrote: post #494
cantrevealname wrote: post #358

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> make the most of it by progressing deliberately in your social life Ironically the Bay Area is among the worst places on Earth for improving your social life if you're straight and male. I noticed that you don't live in the Bay Area, you're married, you probably meant a much broader meaning of "social life", so your experiences are likely very different. But the typical clean cut, well-spoken, hard working, respect…

I like how a guy earning a fairly unremarkable-when-we-adjust-for-cost-of-living salary with a bunch of fairly unimpressive table-stakes credentials: "clean cut, well-spoken, hard working, respectful" (whaddaya want? a cookie?) is meant to be a Amazing Pussy Magnet. One of the major factors - aside from the gender ratio - behind tech guys not finding partners is this weird expectation that if they shave, clip their f…

Does this mean that womens aspirations are wildly different than men in SV? How do they manage to be significantly more interesting than men? What do they do to become ‘crotch magnets’?

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#627

Post by thewileyone »

The credo that I work by, and advise to everyone even those who report directly to me, is to work for your resume/CV. What this means is to take up challenges, formal or informal, to make yourself more attractive to a future employer.

After all, you're ultimately responsible for your own progress in your career.

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#628

Post by NalNezumi »

philosopher1234 wrote: post #561
X6S1x6Okd1st wrote: post #512

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Totally agree. Being interesting as a human and working on yourself is so much better than trying to get credit for being "respectful". That's like saying: "look I shower every day!" Be interesting.

What do you personally do to be interesting?

A general advice would be curious in multiple things in different domains (tech, sport, politics, literature etc) be well articulated, confident and most importantly look happy.

My anecdotal advice is to change environment. Depending on where you move to the demographic (men/women ratio), race preferences and what is considered as interesting changes. As an engineer in engineering university, I had more luck on dating apps focusing on women from non-tech field with different men/women ratio. As a half-asian guy, I had way more success in an Asian country than a predominately white country. (independent from race/age of the women)

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#629

Post by olalonde »

mikeymz wrote: post #564
olalonde wrote: post #563

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I like how a guy earning a fairly unremarkable-when-we-adjust-for-cost-of-living salary with a bunch of fairly unimpressive table-stakes credentials: "clean cut, well-spoken, hard working, respectful" (whaddaya want? a cookie?) is meant to be a Amazing Pussy Magnet. It's obviously not the case in the Bay Area, but it is in a lot of places. To be honest, I was a bit shocked with the kind of mismatched couples I saw…

"so-so women" Wtf dude.

I'm not a native speaker, didn't mean to be offensive. I just meant that there's a lot of couples where the male half seems to score quite a bit higher on attractiveness, career, appeal, etc. I should note that this observation was also shared by my wife. Changed the wording.

Re: Ask HN: I've been slacking off at Google for 6 years. How can I stop this?

#630

Post by jc174 »

thrownaway954 wrote: post #613
md5wasp wrote: post #162

Hi there, I did the exact same thing as you (at Google Sydney), before eventually deciding that I must strike out into the wilderness. In the few years since I left; I worked as a solutions architect managing a team, a team lead, a remote dev, and now in a startup. Front-end, back-end, flip-side, all the ends. So I've been deliberately trying different angles of my career to see what suits. I'd describe this process…

"If you stay at Google, make the most of it by progressing deliberately in your social life. If I'd've stayed, I could have comfortably raised some kids with my wife by now - but that's still on the todo list." THIS all the way. When we are young, we think that we will be remembered by the company that we worked for and the people that we worked with. The sad truth is that in 99.9999% none of those people will rememb…

Sending you a lot of love, friend. There are a lot of resources for help out there just to have someone to talk to: http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org for example.
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