It should help to keep a document of the points to discuss in the meeting. Populate it with points during the week.
Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?
61–70 of 113 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?
#62Earlier quoted context omitted.
> It's totally for the manager, they gotta fill their calendars to look like they're doing stuff. I can’t imagine a sillier take. No one gives a shit what’s on my calendar. They didn’t when I was a manager, director, VP or when I had a C in my title. The 1:1 is to help you figure out why you’re an average dev and aren’t getting fives. It’s unfortunate you haven’t quite grokked that and instead just spend your time im…
You don't know anything about me. How can you even make that assessment? See, this is another example of modern manager bullshit. I certainly hope you don't lackadaisically asses your team in the same flippant, emotional manner. Here's another thing, you probably aren't even allowed to answer the important questions. When are layoffs? Is there an M&A going on? What projects are going to be tanked in the coming year?…
> You don't know anything about me. How can you even make that assessment?
I used only the words you actively wrote. Do you not see the irony in the rest of what you wrote, though?
Immediately suggesting I’m being “emotional”? What is this, 4chan?
Uncomfortable chairs? What?
It’s just, a whole mess of “you’re going to do me wrong, so I’m going to hate you first.” It seems like it should be unsurprising that you got low ratings when you approach things this antagonistically right off the bat.
I don’t want “more” interaction - I want interaction that helps them get fives/bonuses/equity grants, helps them get promoted (yearly raises will never be anything but useless), and helps them move forward with whatever their goals are.
You’ve made a lot of weird assumptions that simultaneously assume I’m a moron, and that no one could possibly ever want to help you. Why?
Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?
#63By getting a manager who wants to have effective 1:1’s. The reality is that the effectiveness and quality of a 1:1 has very little to do with your own actions and more to do with who you get assigned.
Some managers only want more status updates and find more ways to discredit your work. Others want to genuinely build you up and will even help you get a new job because they truly value their subordinates.
I found the best way to have “effective” 1:1s was by getting a new manager. Either switching projects, teams, or companies. Most often it was by switching company. Even then, you’re still a victim of circumstance.
Especially in a place like Silicon Valley where the idea of truly investing in an individual is a long gone concept - you’re gonna have a hard time finding that kind of resonance. This is why some people follow their managers everywhere. I will also mention - just because a manager does this for someone else doesn’t mean they will do it for you. There are many reasons for that, of which are completely out of your control.
Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?
#64Earlier quoted context omitted.
Please tell us more, because I'm in accordance with the other person. What do you talk about in your 1:1s? Are you driving the conversation or is the manager? What are the topics of conversation? How long does it usually last? My manager always say that my 1:1 are the easiest for him. I've asked him what in the world the other people are talking about that don't make them as easy, but his response is so vague (to mai…
It's a 30 minute slot but usually runs a little over that. We first chat about how life is going for a short while, then topics anywhere from job satisfaction, personal or teamwide improvement potential, specific products or technical issues, performance inhibitors, anything that is on our minds with respect to the job at hand really.
That's pretty much what mine are. Some off-top-of-head rambling that sometimes reveals larger-scale stuff because the manager has other context, some "perf this year is likely to focus on X, please do that" reminders, some "getting exhausted by X, would prefer to not do it, what numbskull even came up with this".
It's for stuff that doesn't tend to come up in other ways, because there aren't jira tasks for mood. We skip about half of them when nothing in particular stands out for that week.
Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?
#65This is something we follow and it works well!
### *Agenda*
- Highlight of the week - Work: - Personal: - Updates + Questions - Issues? - Topics - Top Tasks - Feedback
Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?
#66I’m a manager, and have been for a while (although I also have 1-1s). Personally, I think project updates belong in stand-up, sprint planning, tickets, etc. Anywhere except 1-1s.
If you want a really simple framework just focus on the previous week and highlight what went well (ie. that needs repeating), what went badly and needs fixing (or coaching, etc), what needs changing (could be a combo of both above).
Every 3-6 months I try to have a more strategic conversation about career paths and making sure annual goals are on track. Effectively reviewing progress against them and making sure the person is on track for success, adjusting as necessary. Similarly, asking about what projects they want to do next, where do they think we should dedicate effort and focus, etc. If they had the resources what would they do? This can be a great way to learn about how they approach problems, and to uncover issues in process and tooling. I want everyone on the team bought in to feeling like they can make a difference, and it’s really helped my teams develop great tools.
Other good questions I like to ask periodically are around what’s frustrating, what could we improve as a team, etc. I want their input to improve the life of everyone.
I always try to ask for feedback and how I can improve, or what roadblocks I can remove for people.
Sometimes we just chat - teams work well together when they understand each other. I like to know what’s important to people, and what isn’t. What stresses them, and what helps them flow. Sometimes those things just come from less structured conversation.
I’ve found having a shared doc to jot down notes in the week really helps. A google doc, OneDrive doc, whatever. Just something that’s open and can throw in some bullets to talk about. Particularly when blocked on something, or I need to ask a question about how to strategically approach a problem, I’ll throw it in the doc. Then before the 1-1 I reread it to prep my thoughts. It’s worked really well for me with my managers, and with my reports.
Ask what they’re focused on and how you can support that. Ask about what their manager cares about and how you can support the larger department or org. Ask what they’re worried about. Ask what makes them happy.
The most value I’ve had from 1-1s has often been just getting to know people, and demonstrating empathy, compassion, and engagement. This is why I really hate the project based 1-1s - they end up being very transactional, and very 1-sided; just a list of “I did this ticket” type things. For people who are used to it, it can take a while to break out of the cycle.
Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?
#67Earlier quoted context omitted.
My manager does something even worse: we have a team meeting every Monday morning, and each of us is expected to give a brief report of what we did in our private lives over the weekend. He lets me slide when I say "not much", fortunately, but I think it's an overly intrusive ask, especially in front of the whole team.
I hate to break it to you, but this sounds like pretty normal human social behavior
No, it doesn't. If this were between two friendly co-workers chatting on a Monday morning, sure. But in a team meeting, asking every person what they did over the weekend, when that is actually none of the manager's business? Not normal, not by a long shot.
Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?
#68Earlier quoted context omitted.
My manager does something even worse: we have a team meeting every Monday morning, and each of us is expected to give a brief report of what we did in our private lives over the weekend. He lets me slide when I say "not much", fortunately, but I think it's an overly intrusive ask, especially in front of the whole team.
I hate to break it to you, but this sounds like pretty normal human social behavior
I've been in this business for multiple decades, and I have never had a manager do that before. It's very unusual in my experience. A status meeting is a business occasion, not a social one. Asking for a status report about my non-work time is just very strange and intrusive in that setting. My time is my time, not subject to company review.
It's a world apart from talking over the water cooler, where it would indeed be normal social interaction.
Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?
#69ignore all the managers reciting gospel "1:1 are for you not for me" here and keep only one thing in mind: 1:1 are a place to ask for a raise and let your manager tell you why you are not getting one. And I mean raise, not promotion. That's a misdirection and more work. Your goal is raise, until you are capped, then promotion, and back to raise.
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Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?
#70Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Consider encouraging direct reports to keep their 1:1 document open in their browser throughout the week A bit unexpected, doesn't seem healthy to me. Surely there are more important things happening in the average week other than career progression? EDIT: I better stop reading this as I've always liked GitLab, but am catching some heavy Lumon vibes :D this is one of the possible agenda items: "SING - if added, the…
Is there really anything more important than career progression? You're there to get paid; your manager is there to help you get paid more.
> Is there really anything more important than career progression?
In a particular company? Yes, most things are. In my professional life? Yes, but career progression ranks pretty darned high. However, my career progression is a layer of abstraction above whatever company I happen to be working for, and can really only be effectively managed at that level.
> your manager is there to help you get paid more.
That's not the most important thing I want from my manager. The important things I want from my manager are making sure I have what I need to do my job, making sure that I am not being unnecessarily hampered in doing my job, and making sure that I am working in sync with the rest of my team and other teams toward a common goal.
In other words, the most important thing a manager can do for me is to keep the skids greased.