Ask HN: How can I learn to better command people's attention when speaking?

A friend infrequently would end lackluster stories, those where he'd lost the conversational baton, with "...and then I found $20."

Anyone who had never heard the trick immediately perked up and refocused their attention on him. He'd say, "No, not really" then briefly contribute something more to the conversation before yielding.

Everyone who knew the trick knew to wait for the ending, because one could never assume his story endings anymore.

1. I'm a small person, and in America, I've observed, or think I have, that there's a daddy culture here and a lot of people respect size more than content. This may simply be frustrated cynicism though. But I sincerely think I might be a dumb looking person too.

2. I've a weak voice and it doesn't carry well.

3. To some degree, it is a choice of company. That might be difficult to consider in some cases, eg the wife, but I don't bother with people who don't listen, unless it's necessary. I try to be very accommodating to others when they communicate.

4. To some extent it's not you. Low attention spans are becoming more and more pervasive. Social elegance isn't much in style right now. Also, with a culture of sensory or information overload, many people are generally aloof.

5. Try to eliminate discourse particles. Unfortunately this might compound the problem in circles where "like" is used as punctuation, adjectives, verbs, nouns and pretty much as a monosyllable language consisting of tonal variations. But at least you can keep your dignity while they squeak back and forth with their one word.

6. Timing. As a product of cold, callous patience.

Edit: Another possibly worthy consideration is gestures, primarily but not exclusively, I imagine, with the hands. Think magician, or conductor. Many people are becoming more visual. Some may even require certain visual stimulation to function. And maybe there could be some strange subconscious threat factors in the background, promoting increased alertness. And if that fails, you'll be well warmed up in the event you must resort to violence.

1. When it is about them (nobody really cares about you voice or body language), when there is something valuable or a solid promise of value in your words. Personally for them. (For example when they asked you a question they really need an answer to).

2. … hmmm no, sorry I can’t think of anything else.

Therefore to really solve your problem - focus on the meaning, not on the surface level crap like faking your voice to sound this and that (ive been there, waste of time).

Meaning == why exactly and what message exactly do you want to be heard? Why is this important for you? In general and in particular situations.

If you don’t have solid answers for yourself - its only natural that nobody else cares of what you say.

If you dont have natural artistic abilities - you can of course develop them to some degree, but again without real meaning and value behind your words - it’s gonna be weak.

Maybe your natural way of communication is to be a silent type, who doesn’t waste words, but makes each one spoken valuable.

https://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magnet...