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Ask HN: How do you handle tech use with your kids?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you handle tech use with your kids?

#61

Post by molsongolden »

adaptbrian wrote: post #28
bentt wrote: post #5

Get him a laptop early. Teach him how to make things. Separate “creative time” from “consumption time”. Get a router that gives you good controls for total time and time schedule. The TP-Link Deco series is what I use and it does the job. Avoid a real smartphone for as long as possible. 9th grade would be ideal. Give other ways to communicate - smart watcj, dumb phone, Discord on laptop. This is about manners, litera…

Are you worried about the openness of acesss with discord, I recommend the same then my partner was like what about the randos and I didn't have an answer...

It's worth having some sort of "be careful talking to strangers on the internet, don't share personal information, use a fun username, it's okay to ignore messages, here's how to block people, etc..." talk.

Beyond that, they are going to encounter randos and need to build the toolkit for navigating those situations. Don't interrogate but try to casually chat with them sometimes about what they've been up to: anything cool, anything weird, any new hangouts.

I don't know what kids and parents are doing today with minimum age requirements for chat app usage (13 is the minimum in most places but this seems to be ignored frequently) but pre-teens might still to talk to you about weird things they encounter. You will become less cool to talk to when they are in high school but they'll still absorb anecdotes even if they scoff and roll their eyes throughout the entire conversation. If you're concerned and they don't like talking about it, an older sibling, cousin, friend's older kid, might be able to casually check how things are going without triggering the "ew, parents" reflex.

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle tech use with your kids?

#62

Post by tucros3141 »

I have a 9 year old and 11 year old. They get 30 minutes a day for consumption, e.g. YouTube and games. They generally get all little more on weekends, when traveling, etc.

I review their YouTube usage monthly, and I also play games with them some. Anything inappropriate, we talk about it.

They get "unlimited" time for creative activities such as Roblox Studio, iMovie, and such. They're growing up in a digital world, they need to know how to use them as tools. It's unlimited in that I Don't put a time limit on it, but if they're staying on it for hours I make them take breaks.

They also get extra time if they're connecting with people, or using it for education.

No social media till an undetermined time.

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle tech use with your kids?

#63

Post by dave333 »

I have two granddaughters ages 7 and 4. The older one I spent a lot of time with her on my lap watching and singing along to typical kids songs - wheels on the bus etc. The younger one got much less on the knee time. It's so easy just to let the screen babysit them especially if you are a tired (grand)parent but interacting with them is so much better if you can manage it.

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle tech use with your kids?

#64

Post by mitchm »

cwoolfe wrote: post #22

I've thought a lot about this and am currently developing screenshot/AI-based monitoring for device usage for my kids under the age of 12. Aside from that, here's what our family does. We have three children under the age of seven. 1. Limit use to specific days, and specific time of day. This will keep them constantly asking you for it. 2. Choose high quality, age-appropriate shows like Daniel Tiger, Bluey. High qual…

We follow a similar structure at my home. They have iPads but strict screen time limits during the week, and less strict on weekends if we are home. No social media, no chat of any kind, and they are not able to install apps without me approving them (iOS parental controls feature).

YouTube is an interesting one. Like the Internet itself, there is some really great stuff, but letting them roam is a recipe for disaster. YouTube Kids has gotten better over the years but nothing's perfect. On one hand, I didn't want to block YT completely but I also wanted to be able to approve anything they watch. So, I did what any other programmer dad would do in this situation and built what I wanted.

They now have a permission layer on top of Safari (as an extension that cannot be disabled when coupled with Safari's content moderation setting). I set Safari to only allow YouTube and any channel they try and view that I have not approved will require them to send a permission request to my phone. That "permission request" is a button + them coming to me with "Hey Dad, I sent you a request". It's worked quite well in our home and has opened a nice dialog about what they are trying to watch and why. I made it public if any other parents are interested -- https://www.sunscreenapp.com/

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle tech use with your kids?

#65

Post by c7DJTLrn »

scarby2 wrote: post #40
mpsprd wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's really helpful, thank you. Focusing on the actual behavioural problems instead of "having x hours a week" does make sense. Maybe I focus on this more because younger me was denied video games for many years, until I bought my own consoles/pc and got to "eat the whole cake". I really don't want to reproduce that pattern.

younger me was never denied videogames/consoles/pc games. I'm now an engineer with a bunch of friends and socially well adjusted. But then each child is unique and each situation is unique, most kids in my neighborhood weren't allowed outside after dark, in winter it was basically dark when we got home from school also i was an only child so didn't have any siblings to keep me entertained, that leaves a lot of time f…

I'm 22 and had no restrictions, now I'm an engineer like you. I think it's worth keeping in mind that the environment you and I were in is different than today. YouTube and TikTok are designed to be so perfectly addictive, they're practically digital crack. Even adults have trouble moderating their usage - young children stand no chance.

I don't think "screen time" is the issue, it's what they're doing on it. Are they doing something creative, or are they mindlessly clicking to feed the click machine? Are they substituting playing with their friends for playing video games?

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle tech use with your kids?

#66

Post by sebg »

CodeWriter23 wrote: post #45

Our daughter is now 14. We read to her until until basically she took the book from our hands and started reading on her own. After that we would still read to her but it was more about bonding than teaching her to read. No screens at all until about 4 or 5. Then it was an occasional family movie day or evening. So without screens, she read even more books. Reading at 8th grade level in 2nd grade. And college level i…

Regarding home schooling English / Language arts curriculum. Did you use any program in particular? I've looked at MCT LANGUAGE ARTS (https://www.rfwp.com/mct-language-arts/, not affiliated ) though haven't committed to it yet.

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle tech use with your kids?

#67

Post by imiric »

csw-001 wrote: post #18

We have two kids who were raised essentially screen-free until 3, then on a 1hr a week diet until 6. We worried all the time about the transition to school, and the cultural norm of allowing a lot more screen time. This was an imagined dragon - this has not been an issue at all. My oldest just got a Switch, she plays less than 1/2hr a day - then she walks away without issue. She has friends with phones and iWatches (…

> I think it could be it doesn’t really matter as much as it gets focused on.

Not to downplay everything you said, because that's a great mentality to have towards technology, but regarding this point, the problem with technology is not that kids are spending too much time in front of a screen. The problem is with the content they're consuming, and the people they're exposed to online. There's a lot of potential harm from being manipulated by advertising, to seeing disturbing content like Elsagate, to getting absorbed in the vapid and obnoxious culture of influencers, to meeting someone who might actually harm them.

It's good to be pragmatic about how children use technology, as they will be surrounded by it during their lifetime, but it's also important to have strict controls, boundaries and discussions with them so that they understand the very real threats that technology enables.

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle tech use with your kids?

#68

Post by lnsru »

comprev wrote: post #36
lnsru wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Doing the same. No cellphone. Even in a plane during boring couple hour plane trip. Only computer games, much healthier for posture. Computer games only during holidays and no games during school days. Most of the kids in class have smart watches, so smartphone pressure is very low.

My friend is quite nostalgic about the 90s so her daughter's exposure to gaming is via a rather envious collection of PS1/2, N64 and SuperNES games!

Never had a console, always played on PC. So these worlds are unknown to me.

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle tech use with your kids?

#70

Post by grey8 »

cwoolfe wrote: post #22

I've thought a lot about this and am currently developing screenshot/AI-based monitoring for device usage for my kids under the age of 12. Aside from that, here's what our family does. We have three children under the age of seven. 1. Limit use to specific days, and specific time of day. This will keep them constantly asking you for it. 2. Choose high quality, age-appropriate shows like Daniel Tiger, Bluey. High qual…

I'm not / won't be a parent, so please take this with a grain of salt and not as an offense to your or anyone elses parenting.

I think the fact many of you have deeply thought about the topic is amazing, but what I wonder is if you, by restricting devices so heavily (and it's seemingly only about tables and smartphones), also take away any chance at kids getting proficient with computers?

Like, you know, the knowledge people here have: How computers work, hardware, programming.

Maybe it's just not mentioned here, but I see a lot about avoiding social media - which is fine, I get it - and not a lot about teaching kids how technology works.

When I was a kid, I sat at a computer (with my dad) with 3 and the internet starting at 5 or 6.

That said, the internet was very different in the 2000s. It lead to the current hobbies I have and I'm so happy I've had that chance. I, for example, experimented with my own phpMyBB forums at 14 because forums where cool back then.

I've seen reports of more and more younger people having no idea what a file system even is because they have never seen one before because they mainly grow up on tablets, and now they seem to have less of a chance to learn about tech at all because they've barely seen any tech - except smart devices - until they're teenagers.

Which, again, I understand completely. There are dangers online nowadays and I'd want to protect my kids, as well, but while reading all your posts, I felt a bit sad because it also felt like it may take something away, too.

Not an easy problem to solve. How does the crowd here see this?

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