Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

61–70 of 767 posts

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#61

Post by pravint »

43 is young.. on professional side, you can learn new skills / brush up existing skills if they are still relevant (if you are in tech).. you can move to new city / country where there might be more job opportunities.. also change of place will bring fresh perspectives.

On personal side, you need therapist to talk to.. if that’s not possible, friend with whom you can share your heart would be good..

Also if you can, consider reading https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/ to get fresh perspectives on life and its struggles..

On health side, regular exercise, any kind of sports and staying away from alcohol or any intoxication would be helpful to make you feel better. Try to go to sleep early and wake up early.. do bit of yoga & morning walk might help you tremendously..

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#63

Post by boppo1 »

fnord123 wrote: post #21

This is above HN's paygrade. International Suicide Crisis Hotline directory: https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines If you are posting this kind of message on HN then you're at a point that you can call for a 1-1 chat. There are people who can listen. Don't rely on social media to do this.

I recall that this hotline basically just calls your local authorities and prevents you from being a danger to yourself by having you committed to a mental health facility. Sub-optimal.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#64

Post by ohyes »

I’m sorry life hasn’t gone the way you wanted it. Unfortunately almost no one’s life does, this is just a fact of life. Many things that seems to be promised or “owed” us turn out to not be, or to be struggles. Depression is very real, and really does require professional help sometimes to get out of it. So I would suggest getting help if you can afford it.

On the bright side, your life is far from over, 43 is still plenty young enough to have meaningful relationships and build a career if you want to, it just requires that you out yourself in the correct situations repeatedly. You can still get married and have children if you want, you’re definitely not that old. Many people move on to their second marriage at your age.

I would suggest, that rather than promising yourself radical change each night, promise yourself one small change that you’ll make tomorrow. Just a single thing that will make your life better. It can be as simple as going for a walk or cleaning a single room. Do it first thing so you don’t procrastinate on it all day, banking an accomplishment each day is small and easy, but when you look back at a month of that you’ll have accomplished a lot and you’ll start to have a habit of doing things.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#65

Post by mbg721 »

In addition to the other mental-health maintenance suggestions, you'll get confidence back once career things start to go right, but it may take a little while. I would suggest doing some practice-interviews before you do real ones (or practice-customers for entrepreneurship), so that you can work the hiccups out of the way without missing out on anything. "Fake it 'til you make it" is a real thing, especially in the US, and so are positive-feedback loops. It's a lot easier to work on other parts of life once income is sorted out.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#66

Post by nonethewiser »

fnord123 wrote: post #21

This is above HN's paygrade. International Suicide Crisis Hotline directory: https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines If you are posting this kind of message on HN then you're at a point that you can call for a 1-1 chat. There are people who can listen. Don't rely on social media to do this.

This comes off more as condescending than helpful.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#67

Post by collinvandyck76 »

OP, I feeel the same way a lot of time. I focused on a narrow set of things into my 40s and life just passed me by almost without me noticing it until now. Sometimes I'll wake up at 3AM panicking that i'm blowing it. Just wanted to say that you're not alone, and I'm rooting for you to get the help you need.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#68

Post by mkl95 »

> I'm a 43-years-old single guy, NEET for the past decade. I got my Master's in the US in the late 2000s and was gainfully employed there for a few years

Unless your post is missing some major red flag, your experience should make finding a job relatively easy anywhere in the globe.

My personal advice is that you build your way back up with a job that does not push you to your limits.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#69

Post by just3ws »

rbanffy wrote: post #49

A few things: The HN crowd is not known for kindness, but you can use sincere and reason-based advice, something for which the HN crowd is excellent at. I remarried in my early 40's, after leaving a mutually abusive relationship. And we got a lovely daughter (with two amazing older half-brothers from my previous marriage), moved to Ireland and fell in love for the country. You are not past your prime - while I miss m…

> The HN crowd is not known for kindness, but you can use sincere and reason-based advice, something for which the HN crowd is excellent at.

ITT: How about both? :D

Scrolling through the comments and this Grinch's heart grew three sizes today.

Post reply on HN