I am in a similar situation to you - 2 year old and a newborn and feeling a little burnt out at work.
The way I have been coping is just realizing that at this stage the timelines for pretty much everything shrink from months or years to hours and days. You need to focus on getting through the day at work, keeping sane, and being present for your partner and kiddo. Your work might not be pleasant, but you have been there for ten years so you should have a good idea of what your MVO (minimum viable output) is.
I think the Kanban approach of reducing the Work In Progress is the way to go.
I have made a conscious effort to not worry too much about big picture "career questions" and just focus on the task at hand.
Our first kid is young enough for me to know that things become more manageable once the kid is sleeping 5-6 hours at a time. For us, this happened around 4 months in.
Good luck, and I wish you and your family well!
Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
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Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#62So confused on how you can feel that was for 10 years. That being said happy to take a look at your resume. Was a tech recruiter for 6 years before becoming an engineer.
Leetresume will make one for you for free as well. enhance.cv can give you a pretty template for free that you just need to fill in.
Take a week or two off as parental leave and smash some interviews in there.
Email is in my profile.
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#63Send me your resume and I will help you polish it up. There are also free training courses you can take that I can point you to. w.a.barnhill@gmail.com and put GiftedZebra in the subject. FWIW, I've got 20+ years as a software engineer working for large consulting companies. If it's not clear, this is free, no strings attached. This is also a thing for you, as an expectant parent so hopefully I won't get flooded with…
May I email you a few resume questions too? I am in a pickle myself as a SE, and struggling to get out. (I won't email you without your permission, and if you are not interested, I will take no offense.)
Go ahead and happy to. No one else please. This is a business concept, polishing resumes and not a bad one, but it's not a business I am looking to be in.
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#64Dude! Congrats! This is a magical time. Don't waste it by worrying. Stay at your job. Milk them for whatever paternity leave they will give you. And if you announce you are going on a long paternity leave, they are not going to fire you right before you leave. DO NOT SWITCH JOBS NOW. When the hospital sends you the bill - argue, argue, argue. They did stupid stuff to us like bill both my wife and the child for all th…
Agreed, it’s not expensive to start. Just wanted to add that if you don’t inherit or are not gifted stuff from friends and family for your kid that you need, check second hand stores and/or kijiji/Craigslist/etc first. Many items are 1/5 of the cost of buying it new, and a lot of the time it’s brand new anyways.
It does get expensive if you have to pay for care. Not sure where you live OP, or what your support system is like from family, so that may or may not be an issue.
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#65Dude! Congrats! This is a magical time. Don't waste it by worrying. Stay at your job. Milk them for whatever paternity leave they will give you. And if you announce you are going on a long paternity leave, they are not going to fire you right before you leave. DO NOT SWITCH JOBS NOW. When the hospital sends you the bill - argue, argue, argue. They did stupid stuff to us like bill both my wife and the child for all th…
Just to add another data point. This last year due to the shortage, we’re spending 200/mo on formula alone.
To this point, consider breastfeeding. I won’t comment on nutritional differences, but you save money at the cost of time/flexibility.
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#66After being a long time lurker on this forum , I felt compelled to leave a comment as I found myself in a very similar situation.
Background : Was burnt out having spent ten years working in a FAANG company, father was undergoing treatment for cancer and my wife was due with twin boys!
Couple of thoughts:
Talk to friends: Two months before the boys were due - I sent a text to three of closest friends to say that I was feeling overwhelmed by life and needed to chat to someone. This was by far the best thing I did . They had great advise but more importantly I was able to get my concerns put in the air and examine them in the cold light of day. If you are not comfortable talking to a friend , reach out to a therapist or even a helpline. It really is good to talk.
Take to mgmt in another department or in your industry: Taking a step back and thinking about your scenario from the companies perspective. Talk to managers in other departments or outside your company to discuss how best to manage this situation. They will give you a steer on how best to navigate this scenario for your mutual benefit. For example if you know you are expecting a child - have a plan in place for how you will ensure your work can be completed in your absence , who could take over etc. Have a plan and communicate that plan on a regular basis.
Priorities your family / depriortise work : For me I made the decision to move horizontal and to put off making a significant career move for a year. Making the decision not to make a change freed me from the background stress of feeling I was stuck. If you can - take what ever time is available for you to be with your family.
Surf the wave: By nature I am a problem solver but something's can't be solved in the short term or require trade offs in the long term. During the most stressful periods I visualised myself surfing the wave ! If I tried to fight it , I would be crushed - but by going with the flow and enjoying the ride - it helped me cope.
Finally - here is the secret no one tells you. We are all laughably under prepared ! I was worries about not being the type of father I had but what you realises is Parenthood is a journey not a destination . You learn on the job.
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#67> I can't quit my job, I can't take time to look for another job
Don't leave now -- definitely take advantage of any family leave they offer first. But then after that, why can't you quit? Why can't you look for another job? It seems like that's something that you _must_ do -- if not for yourself, then for the sake of your kid.
> I'm not a fast talker, my resume looks like shit, the only thing I know how to do is program, and we're about to have a baby. What do I do?
Don't learn to be a fast talker. It seems like you can write well enough, so I'm guessing you think well too. Learn to be comfortable with gaps in the conversation while you consider what you're going to say. You don't have to respond immediately to every question.
There are other offers here to help you polish your resume, but throwing my hat in the ring too -- me at my username dot net. Send over a resume and I'll help you clean it up. If there's alignment on technologies, I can also put in a referral with my current employer (we're hiring for several roles rn). Happy to help with interview practice too!
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#68> I can barely afford my health insurance
You might consider asking for a raise. Nicely, and with justification of course.
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#69If you're about to have a kid, and your work knows this, they would be somewhat less likely to fire you. You've given them 10 years, and if they fire you right before you take your first parental leave, it looks bad for them.
Of course, if they can document reasons why they're letting you go, they can still do it. But if you start asking questions and indicate that you're looking at getting a lawyer to review the termination agreement they offer, they would probably get nervous and make a better offer.
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#70First off, it sounds like a very stressful time for you. I hope it all works out.
As everyone else suggested, parental leave may give you a bit of time to recover. Your job may also offer unpaid leave you can take on top of that, if you can afford it.
Now might be a time to think creatively about how to move forward with your life. Sometimes, I've gotten boxed in by my own assumptions of what I should be doing. When I've been able to take a much broader perspective of what's possible, and accept that my idealized view of my life isn't materializing, I've been able to accept the opportunities that are in front of me and find a lot of joy and success outside of my original plans for myself. And over time, that has taken be way beyond what I could have imagined.
Do you or your partner have any family you can lean on? If you're able to eliminate housing expenses, would you be able to take some time to recover from burnout and find your next gig?
When I've read biographies of some of the most celebrated people of the past couple years, a large number of them talk about periods where someone had dealt with nervous breakdown. Not saying that's what you're dealing with, but just that mental health issues can affect anyone BUT they need not constrain your whole future.
As a father, one thing that might bring you a little comfort is that if the baby is healthy, the learning curve to being a dad is very gradual. In the beginning, it's true that it's hard to come by long stretches of sleep, but the things you need to master are very limited. Changing diapers, basic newborn safety stuff, soothing, and helping with nursing/feeding.