61–70 of 890 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yes, even without kids and a relationship, it's a large sum. Large enough that he's probably doing really good professionally.
Perhaps this is naive of me but to have half a million in the bank and being miserable sounds like a pretty poor state of affairs. Time to convert some of that money into time and experiences.
You could try yoga. Take some classes, do it everyday. It makes the body fit and the mind healthy. It also teaches acceptance and non -attachment (to achievements, etc), living in the moment and just breathing. When you feel good about life and yourself, you can attract people and turn your life positively more easily. It's all a bit abstract and different from the rationality we're used to in tech, but maybe worth a…
Thanks for the suggestion. I actually do a kind of yoga (though more focused on long poses and stretching) and it indeed does help. So does working out. I do feel calm and content while doing it, but that feeling does not last very long beyond the practice. Once I get back in front of the screen, it's back to the usual self.
One thing that helped me was to schedule regular time to be with my own thoughts. This became mornings at a coffee shop with a book and a journal, sometimes after a hike through a local park. I take the time to read last week's entry every time and reflect on it.
Set small goals and forgive yourself routinely. It's through small goals that get transformed into routines that long term goals are achievable.
For me, giving myself "protected" time to actually think helped me a lot with my feeling of directionlessness.
This is all in your head. When was the last time you were somewhere, saw someone and thought "ugh, oh my god look at that old loser"? Probably never if you're a good person. Most people are good. So go out and enjoy your life!
Man, this is the WORST place to ask for advice. A quick scan of the suggestions: * Have you tried medicating these feelings away? * Have you tried drugs? * Get on a plane! Travel and "find yourself!" * You have money, why aren't you happy? * How about you do everything again that brought you to this place... But in a different career field? About the only real suggestion here is to exercise, find a hobby, or start a…
I'm not sure what your background with therapy is, but, it's certainly not an opiate. In fact a good therapist will help out and encourage one to confront one's problems directly.
The problem is finding a good one. My experience is that the vast majority are on the wrong side of the couch, or assist you in suppressing the problem instead of confronting it.
Professionally, I have felt that. I have been in academia for a long time, and there are always people who are smarter, more successful, etc. So by my mid-30ies I often felt like I had an ok-ish academic career, I could probably get a permanent position. But I have frequently felt like the point of making a mark has passed (which is probably false) and that I failed. For me it helped to do something really different. First, I consulted for about a year, then I was offered a position in a really nice company and I am enjoying it a lot.
I used to go to a lot of concerts and go to clubs, but by the mid-30s I noticed that my body needs much more regular sleep, etc. and I can't take alcohol as much, etc. Also, that lifestyle becomes much harder with a child. So, we have a far more disciplined life now and I only drink a glass of wine with a nice dinner every few weeks or so. However, we found a lot of enjoyment in other things. E.g. we usually take a 1 week break every few months were we hire a small house near a national park or on an island. We usually cycle a lot, go to restaurants, enjoy nature, etc. It's always a lot of fun and there is always something to look forward to.
I also re-read Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind every few years [1]. The book is about Zen meditation practice, but the idea of finding and approaching things with a beginner's mind is widely applicable.
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zen_Mind,_Beginner%27s_Mind
Feeling is the Secret (1944) by Neville Goddard https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffNWoefuwPM