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Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
61–70 of 213 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#62After my divorce I gave myself a quota. I could say one negative thing a day. Not only was it a limit but also a challenge. If I could only say one negative thing a day you I didn't want to waste it on something trivial. So I'd put some effort into it.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#63Earlier quoted context omitted.
I read that book and as I recall, it makes the point that you need to have the intention and motivation to make it work, or else it won't matter. Whereas for me, the reasons I am always considering negative stuff (I just find it important to think in worst-case scenarios for various reasons), completely outweigh any desire I have to be more friendly and likeable. This has made my marriage difficult at times, and I've…
I recommend "Tuesdays With Morrie" for a good why book. Either you value collaboration and the opinions of others, or you don't; there's not much that you can do to reason yourself into or out of it, since it's not really a rational position. I find dialetheism[0] to be a fulfilling model of mental gymnastics for this 'humbling' you refer to. [0] https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/dialetheism/
An initial glance makes it seem similar to Schrödinger's cat. I do use Schrödinger's cat type thinking to make decisions and think about things when I don't know what the right answer is, so just act as if all scenarios are the right one until I know for sure which is right. I shall look into it, as well as the book. Your point in that there's not much one can do to reason oneself into or out of valuing collaboration and the opinions of others is what I find concerting, as I'm not confident I'd ever find the answer if that's truly the case. And I agree that there does seem to be psychological data that says that is indeed the case. Well, it is what it is. :)
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#64Yes, I get stuck in that sort of negative thinking too. I find that getting enough sleep, eating healthy (including breakfast), limiting caffeine, stretching, avoiding social sites, and just doing "healthy" things makes it easier to respond positively. A bit of self promotion now. I made an app called Positivelys to help make positive thinking a healthy habit. It's simple, you make a note of positive moments no matte…
I installed the android version but the text bar won't pull up a keyboard for me. Just upgraded to Android 12.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#65Thinking negative thoughts and noticing negative aspects of things/situations is a habit you can break.
My counter has been to keep a reminder and a google form where I jot down 3 things I am grateful for. Just repeating this over and over made a switch flip: I catch myself noticing positive aspects of what I would otherwise consider 'objectively' negative things.
Bonus: I check this log every now and then and tell people I'm grateful for X or Y they did for me or if consistent enough I tell them I appreciate they are a source of X in my life. It's true, I'm not sweet talking them - I literally wrote down when it happened. This is the best material for birthday messages too - spreads the love.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#66Revisit your writing fresh, and read it as if you were reading someone else's writing
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#67I don't. I embrace it. Negativity is your mind telling you something is wrong. Just complaining when you feel negative about something isn't the appropriate response though. It's the easy reponse but it's not productive and won't remove negativity in the long term even if it feels good to get a good rant out. Listen to what negative emotions you have and form actions to remove the negative stimuli.
I think the societal pressure to have to always be outwardly upbeat and optimistic is mentally draining and should be questioned. I could never work retail, for example, where you have to smile and have this sweet saccharine mask on all day. But a lot of every day situations are starting to demand the same performance. I remember when angst, cynicism and mockery were genuinely cool, but those days are long gone. Norm…
I just fired my therapist for toxic positivity to the point where I felt she would stifle anything before I said it. Smug
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#68You can't completely tackle negativity because some things justify a negative outlook, but I think the key to handling negativity is to accept that people are going to act like you're wrong no matter if you are pessimistic or optimistic.
When I was a much more negative person, most people told me I was wrong. As I got older, had more experiences, I became less negative and more empathetic, I try to put myself in other people's shoes, and guess what; most people still say I'm wrong for that. I kid you not. If I try to find the good in something or someone, people act like I'm using some sort of tactic on them by doing so. It's crazy. All the time, if I disagree with someone but I decide to not damn them but that they will change their mind, others will jump in and say that I'm just "pretending to be nice". It's not enough that I think someone is wrong; I have to hate them for it, for some reason.
To handle negativity, you have to stay sane, and to stay sane you basically have to start ignoring how people perceive how you act out your morality. You can be the kindest, gentlest person in the world, and hordes will be ready to make you out to be wicked. If you can stay sane, you won't be too negative, and you won't be too positive.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#69Find people you agree with. Or just change the stuff you’re complaining about.
Or find a venue where your negativity is appreciated and make it funny, George Carlin and most comedians have made a living out of complaining. People pay big money to hear their complaints.
If you’re not funny go into activism or politics. It’s constant complaining. Media too.
Product reviews, art / media critics, law. I’d guess half the GDP of the world is based on negativity.
Reframe your negativity as superiority. And don’t give your complaints away for free to ingrates on HN who are getting your complaints for free and not appreciating it.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#70Very surprised I didn't see this mentioned already: make sure you don't have any kind of sleep problem.
If you wake up feeling unrested, look tired, struggle with energy or sleepiness during the day, or otherwise feel like something might be 'off', then it might be worth exploring whether or not you have a sleep disorder.
That could take the form of insomnia, OSA, or even something more subtle like UARS.
Not many sleep labs are good at evaluating patients, so I would recommend going to the Sleep Disorders Clinic at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center if you want proper diagnostics.